Having expectations.....
......meeting disappointment

the moment a poet
falls in love with you

is the moment
you live

f o r e v e r

i feel anxious

not sometimes,
not constantly.
well i'm not too sure.
maybe..

i feel like i'm constantly being dragged in every direction,
the stars are plucking at my hair like strings.
and my mind- it seems to wander,
goes anywhere else but where i need it to be.

i will never understand why my feet forget how to walk sometimes,
no they're not judging the way you walk-
well, now, maybe.
i'm not breathing that loudly- stop it you know how to breathe,
now you can't catch your breath.

i will never understand why my eyes flicker to find people who i assume are looking or thinking about me.
no one cares.

so why do i?
-j.p.

constant paranoia
sleepless nights
bustling hospital halls

trust me
this is nothing less than horrific
after attempting to end it all

"take me home"
i whisper to no one
through my silent tears

staying in a psych ward
for just one week
felt like several years

all i can do
is worry
about if anyone will care

i think they believe
that they would be better off
if i was no longer there

my week in the hospital
was heart-wrenchingly
bleak

everyone says
it made me stronger
but i feel immensely weak