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Téa Rhyno Feb 2018
My days lately
have been sad, and dark and grey
I hope to find better, brighter days
maybe in the month of May

April hasn't come yet
but I'm prepared for oncoming showers
maybe all the clouds I see over my head
are just trying to water my flowers

The flowers that were frozen over
in the harsh month of December
the ones I've buried deep, deep down
the ones I can't remember

I know that the day will come
when all my flowers can finally bloom
I hope that time comes to me soon
but if not in May, then maybe June
Téa Rhyno Feb 2018
18 years
I'm almost there

18 years
and I am still so scared

18 years
on April 14th

18 years
and I still can't define "me"

18 years
my Dad thanked me for making 16

18 years
I must apologize for being so mean

18 years
full of fits of rage

This 18th year
will release me from the cage

over 18 years
I've learned to try and cope

so, here's to 18 more
I guess I've still got hope
Téa Rhyno Feb 2018
staring at the stars,
I've never felt so small.
I realize that the universe is so incredibly huge,
that nothing in it matters at all.

anything that I will ever do
will eventually be forgotten,
so it doesn't really matter
what sort of trouble I get caught in.

I know it matters to my parents
that I graduate this year,
but I'm starting what I want to do
by posting my amature poems here.

I'm sharing my thoughts with strangers,
and trying to make them rhyme,
but like I mentioned earlier,
my words will all be forgotten with time.

but that's not going to stop me
from trying to become a "writer",
I can do this from my bedroom,
it makes my heart feel a little lighter.

I'm just trying to find my place,
I'm trying to be happy.
I'm feeling a bit of grace
even if these poems are ****** :P
Téa Rhyno Feb 2018
Pulsing.
I can feel the liquid
flowing through my veins.

I can feel the anger
pouring into my brain
from the darkest pieces of my heart.

I can feel my fingernails
slicing open the palms of my hands
as I try to
"Get a grip."
just like you said.
As I try
to hold myself back.

Don't do it.
Don't explode.
Im in control.
Please don't.

****.. oh ****..
It's happening.
I'm gone.
You're gone.

It's all gone,
blown to bits.
And I'm the only one to blame.
I'm sorry that I could not
extinguish my flame
in time to save us.
Téa Rhyno Feb 2018
I'm laying in my bed
and yet,
I can feel the waves of the ocean.

I'm sitting safely in his car
but it feels like
I'm a passenger on a crashing plane.

I'm standing in my front yard
and even though I recognize the scene,
I'm in a whole new world.

I'm talking to you like everything is okay,
and you think you know who you're standing with,
But this person you see before you
is no longer me.

I'm no longer happy.
I'm sad to say that now
I can't look at a mirror
without coming face to face with a stranger.

I want to get better,
but things are getting bad again.
and I don't think that I can do it by myself...

But I know you're still here.
And because you're still here,
because you haven't left me like the others,
I know that I don't have to.
Téa Rhyno Feb 2018
I used to like a lot of things
But now the magic’s gone,
So here’s a list of things I hate
Sorry if I ramble on…

I hate the way my voice sounds
When I’m talking to my "friends"

I hate the long and lonely nights
They never seem to end

I hate the sunlight in my eyes
The tears steadily fall

I hate the people in this house
My Mom, my Dad, I hate them all

I hate the way my body looks
I hate the fat and curves

I hate the way my brain functions
I’m always on my own nerves

I hate that I’m forced to write
Just to keep my memory

I hate the people I cry over
When they were happy leaving me

I hate that I rely on drugs
To keep me in a decent mood

I hate that my body physically rejects
all attempts at eating food

I hate that I'm always sorry
For things that aren’t my fault

I hate the thoughts my brain creates
I can’t deal with the assault

I hate all of the little things
Hanging on my shelf

But the one thing that I hate the most
Is how much I hate myself
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