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 Jun 19 Damocles
Nobody
parents
 Jun 19 Damocles
Nobody
i'm afraid that i'm going to turn into you
i don't want to hurt people like that
i know everyone is afraid to become their parents but i really don't want to ruin someones life
 Jun 19 Damocles
Kalliope
Tired
 Jun 19 Damocles
Kalliope
I have lived lifetimes
At night while I sleep
I want to rest now
But I'm scared of what I'll see
I just ******* know it will be you.
 Jun 18 Damocles
Kalliope
I'd lay in the sun
Til I turn to dust
Never searching for stars again

I'd sail the oceans
Until seasickness is all that I am, Dehydration second nature

I'd circle the planet
In the worlds smallest plane
Til my ears pop
And I crash in flames

I'd lay in a tank
Making friends with
Spiders and snakes
Til fear paralyzes my every nerve

Simply to never
feel this way again
I never thought I'd miss
My ability to just go
Numb.
 Jun 18 Damocles
Kalliope
Staring at a block button
Like it holds the secrets I crave
Like it offers my heart freedom,
Like it gives my mind escape.

My fingers just won't press it
So odd that now I hesitate
I've pressed it a million times before
In my mind it's what I have to do,
My heart just doesnt want to participate.

But she needs to.
She has never led me right
It's time she does retire
She is always late
And keeps everything on a wire.

That's not how we're living anymore
We are going one foot in front of the other,
I can't rest at closed doors anymore
It's my own light that I smother.

I desperately don't want to say goodbye
But I cannot be your friend
You said true love never goes away
It morphs but never ends.

I can't have you around me
I hope things are different everyday
I can't hold on to what's not there
I have to unlearn how to care.

I sound like a broken record-
My writing even worse
If I have you near me
I'll never get out of the "I miss you" curse.

Missing isn't living
And it hurts me every hour
I've reread every word
And still my feelings aren't sour.

I really want to hate you
So I could just slam the door in your face
But I can't find the justification
And I'd never hurt you on purpose, just in case.

You said that real love never leaves
That it will stay with me forever
Well I'm sitting here as it drips out my eyes
Wishing I never felt it, ever.
That's it
That's all I'll say
I no longer give myself permission to wish for things I'll never be able to fix
 Jun 18 Damocles
Kalliope
I’m barely a poet,
yet you’re still my muse.
I say it doesn’t hurt-
that my purpose is views.
Steps I take forward
toward moving along
make you more distant,
and that feels ******* wrong.

I know that you know and
it could never be the same.
I just have to figure out
how to remove ache from your name.
The letters, they hurt
when they sit side by side-
and to hear them out loud?
A blast to my mind.

Because I like to spiral,
to wonder and dream.
I erased our messages-
yet here you come on my screen.
You can’t give me an inch-
I will dream a whole mile.
I’ve been that way always,
since I was a child:
hoping and loving
and dreaming for better.
I hate accepting reality-
and this ****** weather.

I can romanticize rain
and thunder and storms,
pretend they can heal me,
make me accept new norms.
But I miss my lover,
so quiet, so sweet,
and leaving that love
drowning feels like defeat.
But it's not romantic, just fated design
And it's just a Wednesday spent acting perfectly fine
He was a whole **** buffet
Of soul-savoring machoness
Cream-loaded dreaminess
Next-level delicious magneticness

He was so fine as hell
Finer than fine
Blow-my-mind fine
Beyond a thousand lifetimes fine

Chocolicious hotness
Dipped in gangbuster swagger
And top-tier cologne
He had that supreme king energy

Waves spinning, fit legit
Earrings glistening
I was beyond gone
He had my heart

Had me singing love songs
Fantasizing about him all night long
Ready to tattoo his name
All over my frame

He had my rainbow soul
Floating on boundless clouds
I had too many gay feelings for him
He unlocked my third queer eye
 Jun 18 Damocles
badwords
I do not know your name—
only your silhouette
etched in the echo of things I was not given.
Your absence was my alphabet.
I spelled every woman with your ghost.


They loved me.
But I loved you through them.
Your hands behind their voices.
Your eyes haunting their praise.
They were flesh, and I was kneeling.


I made gods of strangers.
I made homes of hunger.


Mother—not mother.
Lover—not lover.
I could not hold the difference.
They all became symbols
and I became a shrinekeeper,
tending lies with tenderness.


Forgive me,
those I touched but never saw.
I was trying to reach through you
and forgot you were not them.
And they were not you.
None of you asked for this altar.


I am dismantling the myth.
I am returning the light.
 Jun 18 Damocles
rick
party
 Jun 18 Damocles
rick
the
smell
of the
barbecue grill
taunts
my hunger pains
I walk on by
uninvited
with no place
to
go.
 Jun 18 Damocles
rick
beliefs
 Jun 18 Damocles
rick
people have their god
               and
people have their no god
               but
neither has solid proof
                nor
the definitive answer
               only
what they truly believe in
                and
they’re so sure of themselves
               that
they’ll defend and protect their beliefs
                  if
any differences are shouted at them
                 and
they’ll hold and cradle their beliefs
               tightly
like a security blanket
                 and
they’ll preach their beliefs
                  to
any pair of ears they come across
                  it’s
the never-ending game
           straddling
the on-going centuries
                  if
you have god, go with god
                and
                  if
you have nothing, go with nothing
                 just
leave me the hell out of it:
your beliefs
      my beliefs
          his beliefs
             her beliefs
               their beliefs
                 were never a certainty.
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