You tasted it for two seconds
Now its gone
Do you even remember it
Do you even want to change
Was that worth it
Was that food worth the sacrifice
I hope it was
Because honestly you are so stupid..
I hope you learn
I hope you learn to fail better
To fall farther
When you ask yourself,
have you reached your goal?
You are always going to be stuck saying
              Not Yet.

The tears broke off my face
as the floor pulled me closer
my spine sliding down the wall.
The same room.
The same smell.
The same feeling.
It doesn't leave me alone anymore
It follows me
Its becoming me.
I am becoming it.
What is it?
I don't know.
That's the scariest part.

I wish I was six.
I could build a castle and be the most beautiful princess when I was six.
All I needed to fall asleep was my door cracked open and my momma's voice.
The cloud of kool aid dust made me happier than a lot of things, especially if I got to pour it.
When I was six I was amazing
When I was six I fought dragons and won.
Now that I am older I realize I'm not a princess and I can't quite remember how I built that castle.
Now I can't sleep with my door cracked open. I haven't been able to sleep much at all anymore.
Kool Aid has more sugar than water. It just makes me sad now.
I'm weak
The dragons fight me
And I keep trying to fight back
But I just don't win anymore.

Don't be afraid to say no.
No is a powerful word.
A simple "no" can change lives.
Do you want your life to be changed?
Well it's easy
Don't be afraid to say no.

You were losing your ****
Over some stupid homework
("No, not homework, study!
You need to study too!")

You were unaware
That I had been sulking
About a body
Not matching a mind

I was paralysed in my bed
And you were helpfully telling me
All about my laziness
All about my life
Or there lack of

Well, I haven't been motivated
To do much lately
Other than ransack my room
For possible compressors

But in the end
You only wanted
To compress my mind
My "mindset"

You say that you love me
And you believe yourself
But do I?
Oh, of course I do

But I can not tell you
How good it feels
To hear them say my name
And mean it

It rolls off of his tongue
Skips out of her lips
And I feel at peace
I feel at home

Funny how I feel the least at home
With family
But what's a family without love?
Unconditional love?

If you love me
Let me go
I promise that I will return
As long as you let me blossom

You see
You fell in love with a caterpillar
Mistook it for a worm
I'm tired of being so pink
It's time to set me free

Cacoons can not be paused
They're created with a purpose
I'm afraid that this time
The changes are irreversible

Yes, I am going to change
But when that butterfly appears
Before your tear-filled eyes
You must realise
That it's still me

Its hard when you remember
When you get the feeling back
The anxiety
The scale
The lower number
Its hard because you remember
how bad you wanted it.
How bad you still want it.
How bad you still need it.
Remembering how simple it really is
Once you get past your mind
Everything gets easier.

{SM}

Mirrors
Shattering myself into pieces
Sharp edges pointing out all the flaws
I stare at the glassy eyes
I don't know if they are mine
The reflections rip me open
making all of the imperfections
seep through the paper skin
Outlining me in red
Tracing what to fix
Tears bleed through my surface
Stinging my insides
I want this to end
The mirror is killing me.
What's in the mirror is killing me
So I guess I'm killing myself.

{SM}

Health class
We have a strange assignment
I have to write my own obituary
When I want to die
How I'm going to die
Its cruel
I can't answer it truthfully
Because if I did
It would raise panic
So I guess I will have to lie
This isn't the first time