she gave me her nudes
she was bare
and naked
and so out
and open
and i willingly
accepted it
because it wasnt the nudes
that showed her body
the physical aspects
that made her beautiful
it was the words
she didnt choose
and the spontaneity
that left her
either from her lips
or her fingers
or ink

she was as bare
as her nudes
and i accepted
her for her.

And if you are to love,
Love as the moon loves.
It doesn't steal the night,
It only unveils the beauty of the dark.

And if you are to love,
Love as the rain loves.
It doesn't wet the bodies,
It only washes the sad dirt of the souls.

And if you are to love,
Love as the wind loves.
It doesn't drift away,
It only cleanse you to the core by invading through each pore.

And if you are to love,
Love as the sun loves.
It doesn't radiates heat,
It only pours its warmth on you to enlighten your way.

And if you are to love,
Love as the star loves.
It doesn't delightfully twinkles,
It only reminds you that not even death can separate two hearts.

And so forth,
if you are to love
Love as the whole universe
& not just a part of it.

Mother, please look at me,
Mother, please don't fear me,
Mother pay attention to me
Oh, mother please love me.
Please, oh please don't leave me
Please oh please don't forget me
I am your child, a part of you
Please never forget that I still love you.
We fight, bicker and all that stuff
Maybe my love just wasn't enough
Please don't go with him, please stay
Please don't go away for many days
Mother, please read to me
sing to me and dance with me
Oh..
make memories with me
Mother, please don't hit me
Please don't make me cry
You've made me die just a little bit inside
....
Mother, I hate you.
Why did you go
Oh, why do you hate me so?
You argue with me all the time
I remember the day you said " I wish you'd die"
I try to forgive you
I try to move on
But sometimes I just tend to hold on
There are many of the saddest things that happened to me
With other things that have ruined me
I wish you loved me like a mother loves her child in films.
Spending quality time with her and being a mother.
Maybe you're just annoyed or you just don't want me.
Maybe a happy relationship with your mother is only make-believe.
Maybe its only in films.
Or maybe it just doesn't exist.
Perhaps this is just MY fairy tale.
and others are better
Maybe things with my Mother just won't get better.
I think sometimes you cannot fix what is broken,
You cannot revive what is dead.
And maybe I'm just having a bad ending to this fairy tale.
The End.

i have anxiety
undiagnosed.

sometimes it feels like my head is stuffed with crumpled ***** of paper: the things I never said, the things I should have never said, the things that someone never said to me.

all of these things are written on every piece of paper
there are so many right now that no more would be able to fit
yet i can't stop thinking things, i can't stop saying stupid things, i can't stop wishing things.

i sigh I reach up to my forehead and i grasp my bangs
with my shaky hands and pull

i'm hoping one day when i do this
the top of my head will yank open
all of these crumpled pieces of thoughts
will pour out in a pile
on the floor
i will kneel down
and uncrumple each and every piece
i will read each one
until my head fills up again.