Failed again; only this time I lose everything, including my mind.
I plan to wake tomorrow with the intention of trying again.

Your life is your life,
Don't let it be clubbed into dank submission.

I know some "thing" is watching, listening closely.
"It," sends me hope through whispers, whispers only I can hear.
I am scrutinized, ostracized, berated for even paying attention to "that thing."

I am hurt. I want to quit. But I lost everything already, what more do I have to lose?

I act again. I try again. I fail again.
I've given myself the piece of advice to: hold these failures close to my heart. They will pave the way. One stepping stone after another.

You will ride life into perfect laughter.

I know my controversial views may annoy you, bother you, make you hate me--- I apologize in advance.

This is the real me.

Love me or hate me, one day you WILL respect me.

On one hand, I can see my goals clearly, vividly & at the same time I have a concrete plan in mind I will execute upon.

Everything is crystal clear & beautiful.

On the other hand:
     1) All of this is *******
     2) The Government is WATCHING US
     3) People don't WANT YOU TO WIN
     4) "WHY SHOULD I BE SUCCESSFUL? DO I EVEN DESERVE
           IT?"

I wonder.

It's lonely at the top they tell me--- I'm already a pretty sad guy.

It's chaotic at the bottom & I've grown sick of it.

This farewell is my own decision.
A decision to divorce the past.
A decision to secure my future.

I’d rather die than conform like some of you already have.

We spoke of this last night, yet most people neglect it—- The void, the emptiness, how life is seemingly meaningless but those thoughts fade away.

I try to ease the pain with substance but, as I stare into your eyes, I stand by an earlier conclusion.

The greatest drug in life is good friendship and maybe some poetry.