The empty versions of neverending pain screams out blood and truth.

I wish you could understand how hard this is
I wish you could understand just how heavy everything feels
I wish you could just see that something is wrong
But I wish you didn't try to fix me

I know you see my agitation
I know you hear the attitude in my voice
You think its just me being emotional
I just had a bad day

I wish you could leave me be
I wish I had some peace
I wish I had a reason
I wish I had words

But I don't
I can't explain the exhaustion I feel
I cant explain the headaches
I can't explain the weight of it all
I can't explain the desire I feel to just give up

I wish it could be simple
I wish it could all go away
I feel like I'm drowning in a think cement of anxiety and depression….
Its overwhelming

I want to stay away
I want to escape
I want everything to disappear
I want things to change

So why am I still stuck?
Why can't I move?
Why is it I can't seem to figure out what I'm supposed to do?

You try to talk to me
You try to hear me
But you're NOT LISTENING!

You say you understand
You say you know how I feel
You say you went through the same thing
But that was a long time ago

If you really understood you would leave me alone
If you really understood you would let me breath
I you REALLY TRULY understood you wouldn't be pushing me like this.

I know your stressed but I am too
You say I'm not doing enough,
Like all the effort I put in is nothing
I say I'm busy, but you say I'm not
I'm not doing enough

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW!!!!
You're not me!
You don’t know my life
You don’t know me!

You compare me to Her even though you say you don't
Is nothing I do good enough!!!
I am trying to find my way but its not fast enough for you.
I need time, I need patience,
You're riding on the back of this bronco.
I'm not in university, I don't have good influencing friends according to you.

Apparently I make the wrong decisions.
Do I disappoint you?
Just because I'm not at the same spot as Her?
I'M TRYING!
But its not enough.

I feel like I'm going to break
I feel like any day I'm just going to stop caring
I have already been slipping downhill.
I haven't been taking care of myself and it shows
But your too wrapped up in everything else to see it

I know you need the support
I know its been ******* you too.
But please SEE ME
Please Hear Me
Please.
Please.

I'm being chased by a monster of my own design.

Even though I have never really drowned,
I know what it's like to hold your breath for so long,
That when you take that first gasp,
You feel as though it is your first time breathing.

They're always in my face,
Asking if I'm okay.
I may not be be okay
But I'll act like it is anyway.