Dark skies of midday madness,
The world has been painted in darkness.
Moments ago, the carnage of day,
Personification of pride, ran rampant.

Outsmarted, outwitted, outmatched

Pillars of ego fall, as all do, to their knees.
Nature is less forgiving, she has grown bitter.
She batters and bruises, lashing with rage.
But is this not her right, more so her duty.

Clouds pour their thick mist across heavens,
Day light is of a when long forgotten.
Bless this fortune, this humility.
Rise, embrace the turning of tides.

My ankle is chained.
I gripped on the railing of my sinking ship, hoping i could pull myself out of the water.

As i waited for rescue, rain poured down and waves grew bigger.
The chain attached to my ankle was too heavy that my hand was already slipping. I had to let go since it felt like i was being torn in two as i was being anchored down the depths of the ocean. I was sure my ankle bled from the chain's tightness and the weight that was pulling me down but i couldn't feel the pain. All i felt was the freezing cold water and my heavy chest.

It was as if my heart carried my whole weight.

I never wanted to drown but i felt like i no longer had enough strength to resist. I gasped for air one last time and yet even the air felt like poision.

Now i felt the physical pain. It stung.
My throat was on fire as i allowed myself to be dragged further down. I closed my eyes as tight as i could and clenched my teeth while my body trembled in pain and my chest felt tighter.  

This. This was the only time i hoped my heart would stop beating. but no matter how i hard i wished or prayed, it wouldn't stop. It felt like an hour of drowning and yet i was still conscious. It's my fault. I built it like this. I built it with hope and faith for years. Now i couldn't understand whether it was for good or bad. To hold on to life or hold on to the pain?

Slowly, i was being pulled deeper down the ocean. I tried to open my eyes but i couldn't see anything anymore. There was nothing but the color red.

I never knew i had this amount of blood. Enough to build an ocean which only God can make.

I'm still alive. I can move.
But i am stuck underneath this ocean of blood with my chest still tightening, unsure of when the pain would stop or if anyone could find me at this depth.

You said you'd come visit. So I left a note on my desk hoping you'd find it. I went cruising even if i hated the waters. I brought an anchor and a chain with me but i left its key on the desk too. I had no idea what it was for or why i brought it. All i knew was i was watching the sunset and it was suddenly chained to me when darkness came. I didn't know how my ship sank or how i got in the water. Maybe it was not in good condition. But then again, i knew you would check it everyday because you told me so.

Where are you? Have't you read my note yet? Did you come visit? Are you on your way?


I'll be here waiting, holding on, and hoping that your hand would be the first one to pull me out of my misery. Even if i know you'd never read the note in the first place.

I see the pain in the eyes
I see the love in disguise
I see pain within the pride
I see that they're not satisfied
I see the truth which seem like lies
I see the guilt beneath the shame
I see the scars that remain
I see the frustration behind the fame
I see the shame underneath your name
I can see the fear reflecting off of every tear
I can see the mirror on the wall
I see myself

You didn't mean it,
You didn't mean the pain,
The agony caused by your actions.

You didn't mean it,
You didn't mean to hurt her.

You bullied and dehumanized,
Turned her...
Turned her into you,

A MONSTER!

She wept and cried,
You tortured and cursed.

You didn't mean it,
You didn't mean to hurt him.

You seduced and flirted,
Turned him into a lovesick fool.

He chased and romanced,
You left him heartbroken.

In the end,
Was anything true?

Were the sweet words,
Uttered by you lips,
True or false?

Tell me I got it wrong,
You did not mean to hurt,
You didn't mean to abuse,
You didn't mean to curse.

Tell me I got it wrong.

TELL ME, IT'S NOT TRUE!

A soulmate is someone who loves you for who you are!
You don't have to change for them to accept you.
They cared about you and stood with you when nobody else would.
It's someone who helps you become your best self.
They know you better than everybody else.
And above all they will always love you.
No matter what!

I've looked bad but felt good
I've looked good but felt bad
I've looked bad and felt bad
I've looked good and felt good

I've failed so many times I can't count
I've learned so much I can't find individual moments

I have gradually increased

But I am finding myself

I am finding the confidence to strut out of my dorms like I'm walking on the runway
I have found myself so sad my body has become immobile

I am growing stronger

Physically. Mentally. Spiritually.

I am finding God in the most random moments, but when I do it is glorious

I find myself alone too often
I find myself feeling alone too often
I find myself hiding too often

I'm ready to let my potential loose
And become the lion I am meant to be

The rush
The violence
Insolence
Depression
Ruling our world
Hearts being pulled
And conquered by hate
**** isn’t this great
Go ahead and eat
What’s on your plate
You fixed this meal
So don’t complain
When your wounds won’t heal
Because you picked your scabs
From the places you stabbed
Except this you
That I keep referring too
Isn’t just one soul
Because each of us know
In our own hearts
That we have played our part
In the madness of this world
So why isn’t love being poured?
And kids being nurtured
Instead of silently tortured
Inside some home
Where love has never been shown
Nothing here is fair
So when are we gonna rise up
And actually care?