When I'm alone it's different...
It's dark
I'm inconsistent
Some days I'm happy with me,  how I look, what I see
And some days my disappointment in myself brings me to knees
I fill up with anger,  tears begin to surface

When I'm not alone I find myself trying to cover my flaws
Pretend that I don't spend my free time looking at these 4 walls
I force both sides of my mouth up to try and create a smile
Knowing that the confidence I put on would only have to last a while.

We talk everyday
About serious stuff, jokes and just silly memes
Yet what does it all mean?
When I get news you're the first one I want to tell
I crave your reaction
I tell you all my secrets
All my fears, weird fetishes and guilty pleasures
Open up about everything
You're a slightly closed book yet although you may not say it,
I know you inside out
I know you hide things, why you hide them and how you communicate them though you desperately try to hide it
You know me well,
Learning as time goes by

There's only one thing you don't know about me
I am in love with you

Mental health is something only those going through it can truly understand,
I have tried to help you,  I'm always there for you and have always reassured you on what an amazing person you are.
The love and care I have for you will never go away.
I do hope you will be okay.
Our friendship was hard. Sometimes we were close,
sometimes we might as well have been strangers.
It wasn't until the betrayal and accusations that I questioned if it was all worth it.
Everytime someone came along,  I was pushed aside,  
Not any more.

I'm a trustworthy person,  I was good to you.
You can see that now,  but it's too late.

I will always have so much love and respect for you but our friendship means nothing if you can't return that.

En Vogue said: 'Don't ya wanna be more than friends.'
What started as a friendship, has turned to love...
But only from my end.
I stand at the side line, watching you love another girl,
Hoping that one day you'll realise that I could be your world.
I support you no matter what, I want you to be happy and content
But the selfish side of me wants you all to myself
Pity you only see a best friend..

A lily a symbol of death
A rose a symbol of love
A daisy a symbol of innocence
White petals, light like a dove.

A coronation a symbol of beauty
A daffodil a symbol of a new beginning
A bouquet to symbolise eternal love
Sweetness like the songs that birds sing.

There is a light
I can start to see it
It is not dominant...
It is just a break from the dark.

Sometimes you've got to just say fu** it,  let's do it!  
What are we waiting for?  

Everybody says 'it's all downhill from here' when you hit 21.
Before that its first kiss,  first drink,  first relationship,  first job etc..
But what's after it?  
Adventure
It's new experiences,  it's opportunity,  it's love,  hate and everything in between.
If you have something you've always wanted to do, why wait?  
Go and do it
Life is too short to regret not doing things.
Go out and live
Leave tonnes of memories behind.

A little person
So full of life
Starting on a blank slate.
Looking and observing
At everything around them
Soaking it all in like a sponge.
Be a good influence
One of respect.
Teach them well
They begin innocent so any evil is taught
Fill them with love as they do you
Smile, hug educate and play
A love can never be as big
Motherhood
Nature-vs-Nuture
Nurture 1
Nature 0

A picture
A memory
A message
A moment you may never get back
Live in the moment, capture the finest bits
*point, flash, snap

In a time of loneliness I seeked company
In a time of despair I seeked comfort
In a time of pain I seeked relief
In alcohol I found relief.
I found power in control
I lost control
I lost me
You were the same
You lost you
In your world full of men you seeked a woman
In a world without a mother you seeked mothering
In your world of unresolved pain you seeked relief
In alcohol you found relief
You lost control.

We lost control.

We had one thing in common;
Our addictive pain relief.

Thinking back on good times,
Nostalgia.  
I've had such good times,  with so many people,  but one person stands out.
One person who ive had the pleasure of getting to know.
So complex yet so intriguing.
We got close fast,  spoke everyday and never got bored.
The random converstaions and jokes were the best part.  Only we got it.  
I look around my room and you're in so many photographs.
You come up on my timehop every single day
You're on my mind every single day.
I will always cherish our memories.
Looking back,  I can't help but smile

Love always.  X

Does it matter who we love...
Boy or girl
So narrow minded to think we have to choose one
Think about this, whatever your gender;
You meet a person
Appealing to the eye
You're type from hair, to style, to shape,
To the sparkle in their eye.
You connect, you's are comfortable you can talk for hours on end
Personality is perfection and you can't get them out of your head
Fireworks every time you kiss
You've waited your whole life for this.

Now what if I was to tell you this person was the same gender as you?
Would you throw it all away because of a social controversial view..?

Something i thought was for the long run,
Ended suddenly.
All ties cut.
No closure, no true reasons
People say move on, theres plenty more fish in the sea
But I am stuck
Like a magnet to a metal bar
I know I can't go back,
Yet I don't want to go forward.
I have no interest.
As the weeks go by, a sense of loneliness increases
But I'm content in loneliness for now
Some day I will be ready
To seek somebody else
To move forward, away from a sense of loss and away from heartbreak
I do hope this day will come soon.

Sitting in the waiting room
Could cut the tension with a knife
Waiting for a stranger to tell you news that will determine your life.

Heart pounding, breathes get deeper
Waiting for your name to be called
Bad news, darkness, a sense of loss, legs go weak and falls...

Months of treatment, agony and sickness
Wishing the time to go by
the reality is harsh ;
Losing hair, becoming too thin and losing the sparkle in your eyes

Getting weaker day by day
Every movement is a struggle that comes with a sigh
Arranging for family and friends to visit
to say their final goodbye


It comes to a stage where hope slowly dies much like the person in the hospital bed
They will always be with us, in our hearts and on our minds
Can't get the last few months out of my head...

The end comes quickly- sometimes unforeseen
It was going too well,
It had to have been a dream.
The fire in my heart grew bigger day by day
If only I was to know it would be suddenly taken away.
Now my heart feels empty,
Nothingness inside
Plastering a smile on my face,
to cover the heartbreak I choose to hide.

The eyes
A tunnel to the soul
An indicator of your happiness
A sign of sadness
A river; flowing fresh salty water
A colour which represents you best
An enlarged pupil
Hypmotising
When you look into mine