Rain patters on the window -
I can smell its fresh scent
From the tiny window
Above my head.

The smack of branches hit the moving roof
Like his hand on my damp cheeks
Will I remember the taste of my blood tonight?
I rock in the flimsy seat.

The whir of the engine
                 The fed up faces
Oh how I so wish
                 To swap in their places.

Earphones are in
Chewing gum-flavoured sighs
Stick it under the seat
after the ride.

                   I imagine them trudging
                   through their front doors
                  Home is their salvation.
My anxiety soars.

                   They step over the threshold
                   And drop their bag on the floor
That's where I'd be laying
I'd endure it, like a chore.

Door opens with a creak as I slip from the rain
But rain is a favourite pastime.
No one chases me out of the house
When the sun has ceased to shine.

                            They smell mum's cooking
I smell mum's ****
                            Their parents smile
She hears me and screams.

                      Crunch goes their foot on a dropped crisp
Crunch goes his foot on my hand
                        An abuse documentary? Turn that TV over
                        Darling stick your head in the sand

                   "Did you have a nice day at school?"
                   That's what they are always asked
How nice: I can't hear what I'm told
Im waiting for the ringing to pass.

Oh mama oh mama
Feeding blood into my veins
Pouring water down my throat
Squeezing tears from my eyes.

Oh mama oh mama
Breathing air into my lungs
Freeing my blocked airway
Of the food that got stuck.

Spoonful spoonful
Sitting me up
Injecting saliva
And pumping my heart.

Mama oh mama
She is my clockwork
If she stops so will I
So wind me up agian

Her lips are chapped, purple and rough
And yet he loves to kiss them.

His skin is dry and flaky and pale
And yet it sets her alight to touch it.

She is small and without curves
He is thin and without muscle

Her teeth aren't white
His feet don't look nice

'You're beautiful' they say to each other.

You can feel the tension rising
Clenching, everything grimacing
You run towards
The high pressure
The gravity releasing
Until you are flying.

And when you are flying
You have to reach to grasp something
The tension overflows
It's so beautiful and yet so overwhelming
Like you want it to stop but you never want it to end
Uncanny, like no drug that ever existed

And you cannot keep yourself from writhing
Under the pressure
Under the insanity

It has slipped control from your pocket
And it is making you malfunction
In the most addictive way
And you love it

And then it's all over
The tension is gone
You are left weak
Control back
And you mourn your wings.

Many years I have spent,
Trapped in the painful numb.
An abyss embracing my tortured mind,
No destiny, no forwards, nothing to come.

My dwelling silent, so silent,
I don’t even hear my breath.
Broken-down, an old ghost town,
Branded with sadness and death.

I gulp, I step, my frail legs so old,
I step
I step again
My body going cold.

I feel my voice is taken,
I hear the non-existent screams,
I see my haunted sister,
I see the light in her eyes lose its gleam.

I’m shaking with sobs,
I’m struck with grief,
I’m frozen on the stairs
Of house no.3.

I look up,
I hear the sound, the tinkling of the piano,
My former-self sitting spellbound,
At her soprano,

Sister, o sister,
How well you used to play,
I rush, suddenly, with a surge of love,
Up the stairs I have dreaded every day.

The landing is cold,
In the lonely gloom,
The piano sits, deprived of being played,
In a cobwebby tomb.

I approach it, fearful,
But content,
This is the object,
That caused this event.

I know what to do,
With shaking bones,
I place my hands on the keys,
All of them, clones.

The chord, I play,
The very last one,
The last one she played,
Before she was gone.

It brought me back,
To the terrifying time,
The moment of her peril,
That corrupted my mind.

I push down the keys,
The sound rings out,
I suddenly scream,
I sing, I shout.

I am freed from my pain,
Freed from this cage,
My mission complete,
I’ve finished my last page.

The whistle of the chimney
Sweeps in, nothing to say,
The wind curls around me,
And blows me away.

I saw all hours
Day and night.
You kept me up,
Brought me up to fight.

Worked me and worked me
'Till I fell
Then dragged me up
And gave me hell.

From a child
You dragged me down.
Told me to fight back -
To win the crown.

Made me build my walls
Like you, impregnable.
You took me to town
And showed me around
And said
GO CONQUER IT ALL!

You told me to ignore
The tears on my face.
Get up and fight on;
Spit the blood you taste.

Broken bones are trophies,
Bruises are victory.
Wear them proud
Among the crowd
LOOK HOW STRONG YOU WILL BE.

I cant be broken apart anymore
I am indestructible

You broke me to make me
You shook me to shape me
And it paid off
I'm indestructible.

I'M INDESTRUCTIBLE.