chasing bliss
is like chasing tides
one moment at reach
but never collides

my bones are broken
from the life i suffered
now, i cant stand still
so i let my body sink
beneath the gritty silk

i'm half submerged
from the neck down
i relish the ocean breeze
and marvel at the spectacle above
of purples, pinks, and blues

i stare into the horizon
as i await the currents
and when the sounds end
i close my eyes and whisper gently
take me to zion

knocking
i keep come knocking
on the same old door
to no answer,
i'm always ignored
shes in there alright
all alone and in constant fright
dictated by the versions of what she knows and sees
panic lurks behind her street
yet she is gentle, so calm and meek
home and comfort is all she seeks

i'm not the girl i used to be
not even the girl i pretend to be
still fighting the same old fights
bruised and battling every night
must i lie?
everyday behind a broken smile
shattered yet still standing high
the old me is quite hard to meet
liberation from the cycle is what i seek

pessimism is what i lack
always so eager the way i act
yet my soul is not intact
keep on knocking
though ill keep locking,
ill come through

i keep telling myself that i can't remember the last time i was happy
but deep down i know well

do i even know myself? i can't even tell
not within the past year or so, a shame but i don't ask for pity

it is all self inflicted
the only joy i retain is outweighed by the accumulation of pain

how do you cure your sadness
when it is also caused by the source of your happiness

tired of the flow
tired of the “NOs”

when will i ever be myself again?