I
Miss
       You
           Tonight
  And every second
             you are not in my
                                      Sight

why do all my relationships fail
i used to think it was them
i used to call my friends and place the blame
i used to cry and ask why men are this way

but then it all crashed down
so suddenly it was all thrown in my face
maybe it wasn’t them

i try to run away from the reality
i cover it up with “i don’t knows”
i laugh and forget and start again

but i remember
i remember the days i would cry myself to sleep
as a little girl
every morning and every night
i would hear the fighting and screams
my mom would throw books cds shoes
scream and cry scream and cry
my dad would chase her out the door
shout and curse shout and curse

my older brother would come into my room
and i would hold him tight
and caress his head
“it’ll be alright”

after a few minutes
few hours
the noise would cease
and the house would fall quiet

my mom would find her way to my room
and i would hold her tight
she begged to know why life was like this
why my father was like this

every fight she looked into my eyes
she became quiet
and said i reminded her of my father
and asked why

after my father would find his way to my room
sit on my bed
lean his head back against the wall
look up at the ceiling
and ask why
why we were like this
why we feel this way

then after it all
everyone would be okay
quiet and resolved
forgiven and forgotten
ready to start another day

and i would close the door to my room
finally
gently tuck myself under my blankets
and cry until my insides felt empty
until the sun rose
until the start of a new day
a new fight

today i thought
of you
and i didn't flinch
my heart didn't
beat any faster
my mind didn't
race
i'm getting along
without you

the streets are filled with lies
of "how are you?" "oh, i'm fine!"s
strangers smile away all of
the battles that they hide
nobody's fine
nobody's great
it's not polite to articulate
the struggles that you're going through
but that's fine
how are you?

- p. winter

There's a ghost in the machine
A distant heartbeat
An echo
A recollection of tides pulled by the rhythm
Of the moon
A lunar cycle
Of leaves swirled
And now settled
By the whisper
Of the breeze
A message repeated
But not audibly heard
Remembered and understood.
You are in the right place
Where you need to be
All you need now
Is to breathe and be.