When I lay in bed at night
I see your face
floating in the light-less air of my sleeplessness,
When I’m laying in the grass
Staring at the sky
I see your eyes in the clouds,
When I’m walking down the street
I see strangers
that look like you,
& At the setting of the sun
I see your figure
in the trailing shadows.
Always.
Slipping.
Through.
My.
Fingers.
Let me grasp this, this entity you are.
Because you’re more than human,
or you’re at least part supernova
or a quarter stardust
or something.

You can’t ask me what is wrong,
because it’s always something different.
You can’t ask me why I’m acting this way,
because I can’t explain it.

I will tell you I love you,
and for a while my voice
will echo back the stone walls
of your throat,

and then I’ll find myself alone
in a taunting, repeating cave that lies.
It doesn’t matter that you say you love me,
or that I believe it.

My love is strong and deep and fiery;
it imprints itself like a brand on my own flesh.
I imprinted on you, like a mother duck to her
babe, or maybe it goes the other way.

You can’t ask yourself what went wrong
unless you want to come down with
me, briefly, into my net of nonsense
and mental illness.

There you’ll find my mother,
and the time in the first grade
when I was molested,
and the time I stepped on an ant

and cried for ten minutes.
Listen.
I am a wave, an ocean wave.
I crash and roar, I nurture and heal,
and tear myself down
every time I breach.
I will take you in my warm
embrace, and we will for a while
float, but the time
will come
when I will have to drag
you against the glass-sharp pebbles
at my gargantuan belly.

Wanting to live
Wanting to die
No amount of medication can help me decide
The fire in my soul is slowly fading
Embers rising from ashes remaining
I'm no longer here
I'm no longer there
Oh how I wish I was just somewhere
Alone in the dark, dismal world
Let these thoughts finally consume me

When you write the wrong words
don't erase them entirely

Instead,
scribble above them
and below them
the alternate spelling
and better-fitting synonyms

Sometimes you don't need a clean slate
You need the slate that carries pain and blood
Hate and love
Memories and regrets

What will one be
without mistakes
if not a blank page
with no name

When the blood turns to pain
When the words disappear
When the day can't be long
And the night must be dark

When the moon turns to wane
And the world turns its back
When the stars start to die
And the stairs lead to hell

When the root turns to stone
When the bone turns to dust
When the fire that burns
Leaves everything ash

When the sky turns to grey
When the shine turns to rain
When the sun turns to darkness
And all life is death

When the root turns to stone
When the root turns to stone

I will still be alive
With love in my heart for you

maybe it was your laugh
or maybe it was the way you always knew what to say
but maybe it was your deep brown eyes that made me melt.
or it could of been your soft hands always on me
maybe it was how you touched my mind before touching my body
and maybe it was the way you held me that made me know everything would be ok.
I really don't know what it is about you.
but I know one thing
I am completley in love with you and everything about you.