its hard to write when your mind is empty,
like your brain can't put together the words right.
every time i glance at the blank page
i catch my breath,
and my eyes trail in and out of focus.
i don't know if it's out of frustration,
or whatever else,
but its like my head sinks below the water for a minute,
whenever i pick up a pen.
writing shouldn't feel like drowning, yea?
so why does it feel like drowning?

its hard to write when your hand isn't steady,
like its trying to run away from the words.
an unsteady hand is the enemy of poetry,
so i guess i can say that,
when people ask me
why i can't do the things i love anymore.
why my days are spent inside,
shades drawn.
maybe i can say that i can't see the notebook,
that's why i haven't been writing.

what i don't say
is that i don't
want
to see it.

these days, words weigh on my mind like cement.

I've experienced OCD, anxiety and depression.
I've been in the depths of despair.
There have been times where I'm always afraid something terrible will happen.
There have been many nights where I've doubted I will wake up in the morning.
Days where I constantly do routine after routine, making me feel mentally exhausted.
Wondering if my life will always be like this, if I'll always be worrying for the rest of my life.
The best way to describe it, is I was in constant fear.
If you want to enjoy your life, face your fears and stand up to them.