My mask is pure
And white as snow
But my heart is
Black and cold.
Beautiful rythms
Flow from my lips
While my mind plays a
Sour note.
Where did the happiness go,
The easy, simple
Melodies of childhood,
The light and happy beats?
My style changed
As I grew up,
Higher and louder and faster.
An air of panic
Entered the flying stanzas
As my life started to
Fall apart.
Now the only music of
My soul
Is the melancholy dirge
Of lost hope
And broken dreams.

I'm beginning to suffocate
The world is spinning beneath my feet
I don't understand anymore
I'm losing control

The panic sets in
I choke on air
My body trembles
I'm dying
Simply because I'm living

I'm crumbling
I've cut deep into my foundations
The cracks have spread too far
There must be something wrong
This can't all be in my head

There needs to be more
A reason why I'm like this
Someone is behind the voices
Screaming in my mind
Telling me to break and destroy
Myself

The walls are closing in
My fist and teeth clench
So hard they break
Just like my spirit has.

Like icy fear,
and fiery panic,
shooting through your veins,

chaos, chaos,
turns your mind,
fogs your heart,
and your brain,

everything isn't always the way it seems
she not always been mean
life made her this way
she fights everyday
takes pills to numb the pain
kills her lungs to quiet the voices
no one believes her
no one can see her
she is just a product of this generation
where is ok to pick on the queer girl
and instill fear in her heart
she will always be afraid
she will never be
she will never be
she will never be
she will never be
she will never
she will
She will be everything she ever dreamed of and more

Sludge caked in my throat
I don't want to think of it
Fire burning in my heart
I don't want to think of it
The memories **** the air from my lungs
I don't want to think of it
The blood drains from my face
I don't want to think of it

***** fingers touching my chest
I don't want to think of it
Evil lips on my neck
I don't want to think of it
The thick smell of sweat
I don't want to think of it
Fighting back his voice in my head
I don't want to think of it

The trust that was destroyed
I don't want to think of it
The guilt chained to my soul
I don't want to think of it
The disgust of my own flesh
I don't want to think of it
The taste that will never leave my mouth
I don't want to think of it

I don't want to see it
The flashbacks make me sick.
I don't want to feel it
The pressure between my thighs.
I don't want to think of it
My best friend ***** me.
But I do.

Tightness in my chest
I cant breath.
The only time I can escape
is when I fall asleep.

Constant nausea
constant fear.
How did this happen
knowing I'm safe here?

It's a constant worry
another will strike.
I worry about it all the time
it makes me lose my appetite.

My sight darkens
my life flashes.
My worries control my thoughts
my heart crashes and burns to ashes.

You have no idea what its like
to live one day in my shoes.
Maybe if you did
you wouldn't judge me as you do