**** it up

Put on a smile

Pretend to be you

Pretend there aren't tears threatening to peek through.

let's play [pretend]

It* feels like a weight
on my chest
It feels like a pressure
on my brain
It feels like a lack
of oxygen
It feels like a knife
digging between my ribs
It feels like a hand
clenching my stomach
It feels like an aching
throughout my body
It feels like a vice
compressing my lungs.

but the thing is, i don't know what
It is.

Take me away

so that for one day,

just one day

everything will be okay.

Please... Take me away.

shattered hopes and broken dreams;
i've really had enough of these.

bring it on!
though, really, i'm just a fawn

so new and struggling to stand,
you should really give me a helping hand.

they help me lots, these words of hate.
they help me to create.

as i sit, i ponder what you said.
and it really gets into my head.

and now i sit here, pen in hand,
and am thankful, now i can stand.

although you didn't help (you hindered)
and though you left me feeling splintered,

i thank you, Dad, for those hurtful things you said.
i thank you, Dad, for the occasional smack on the head.

you've made me strong.

You helped me
You held me
You listened to me
You healed me
You let me know
I'm not okay
But that's okay
No one is.