Start:
~~~
When a woman
answered
your home phone
your technique
for igniting in me
jealousy worked
just not as you
had expected it
your methods
were not
understood
but it hurt me
very deeply
naive lonely teen
left behind as I was
later on time machine
looped us up again
Single Mom struggling
your loot still buried
where you hid it aged
39 barely surviving
your joy and happiness
still my duty above
and beyond my own
happily ever after!
if you'd known what
war some fiery fields
of malice jealousy
and greed had
shaped inactions
to later be trapped
deceived almost
claiming my life n
my little children's
that jealousy further
had taken the life
of little loved ones
in my childhood years
if you'd only known
how jealousy malice
greed of bad people
had bled me
tormenting
my existence how
all that tinted my
ability to show
my innermost
feelings
you would've used
another method
less bizarre
to force me
exasperated
to disclose
my terrifying
deathly secrets
of torture and sadomy by
those who were supposed
to protect me but used me fir being naive alone looking rich
being broke robbed left and right.
avoiding
the sharing
of such pain
was loving you!
had I seen in my finger
your gold wedding
ring with your
name in it and or
a diamond
heart ring promised
with your heart
and my tears in it
instead of
just all written
i would've
understood
to show you
my innermost
caring loving
feelings timely love.
if you had
understood me
you wouldn't have
lost me
nailing me to that cross
digging knifes to see where
I squiled louder
and all you wanted to hear
was that I loved you to stop?
What kind if beast
dud you think I was?
And I called you home.
I would've grabbed
her greedy bone fish
hinny out!
our bedroom
window!
and beauty rest
cursed
in an eyeblink!
how foolish of you
to not perceive
I loved you
more then I
loved myself
enough to let you
go even to
another woman!
How sad not to
have perceived
that something
horrible had
happened to me
your twin
flame soul that
amnesia was an
involuntary
defence
mechanism
blocking
traumatic past
events
rooted from mis
communication
naiveness loneliness
and not by any lack
of heart or feelings
nor inability to feel
hurt and pain
I am born a pristine
feeling empathetic
deeply feeling
beautiful in-n-out
caring woman
so now you know.
what you wrote
long ago
what others
would be
to us both when
we married
living
"happily
ever after"
it hurts to be
dead calm
misunderstood
(PcRk)
and just a
"distant and
faint memory!!
End.
~~~~~
By: Karijimbba
All Rights reserved
revised 06/13/19
Iwhat hurts the most of my past was in action followed by silence and both were my only safety net growing up.
I suffered but not all of us who suffer make other suffer sometimes we just don't have any choice.