Where are you today baby?
Where's my forever and always?
You're supposed to be here
Singing me stupid songs
And whispering in my ear
Where's my ******* hug
Where are my ******* love notes
Where are you?
I promised I wouldn't be sad.
And you promised not to leave.
When did we start breaking promises?
Where's you living for me?
Like you were a hero.
Coming in to be better than the last guy.
The first guy.
The next guy.
Instead you became another glass of spilled milk.
Something I'm not supposed to cry over.
But I ******* do it anyway.
Because I love you.
And you left me.
Now I'm sad
And where the **** are you?
Just a memory of someone
That's fading as fast as I can think of you.
Where are you?

*The Suicide Diaries

I'm so sorry
To anyone and everyone
Who has ever
Found me lacking
To everyone who wanted
The love they thought I could give
But came up short

I'm so sorry
To anyone and everyone
I have ever failed
I tried so hard for you
But came up short

I'm so sorry
To anyone and everyone
Who has ever
Tasted my lips
And wanted me to want you
I came up short

I'm so sorry
Baby that I . . .
I wasn't enough for you
I love you so much
But I came up short

I'm so so sorry
Please don't hold it against me
Because I tried
But I don't have it in me
I always come up short
Always

I'm so sorry
I love you
I love you so much
It's still killing me
But I came up short
******* it
I came up short

25 Jan. 2016
2 years 3 months later
Monday
Dear Riley,
I’m not happy anymore baby. Where are you to care?
-Love, Me
P.S. I miss you

*The Suicide Diaries

I've lost my bottled happiness
And here I am stooping low
         then lower again
I was happy once

Take my past and hold it against me
Till its white hot
And brands itself onto my ribs
Twist my drunken slurs
And turn them into knives
That stab you when your back is turned
Remind me again
That I can't be trusted
Not that I've given you a reason
To think that that's so

I can show you the world baby,
Then destroy it just as quickly,
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Let me be your everything
It's all yours
As far as eye can see
Thing is it all ends with me
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Say your prayers tonight my love,
Rely on the person above,
To save you from what I am
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
I could hurt you if I tried
Remember today as the day you died
When I took you apart
Piece by piece by piece
Are you ready?
Are you ready?

You deserve the world baby
A pretty wife
A good life
I can give you half that
How about that?
I'd give you everything if I could
I swear to you baby I would
But our daughter would live like me
That's not how life is supposed to be
I love you more than words can express
It's a ******* shame about the rest
Just please, please don't leave me
I love you more the less you believe me
Don't hate me now baby