What is there to do when your mind's a mess?
The worlds a farce and everything is just too much.
I hide my face in worlds hardly seen, where reality is thin
and gods and demons roam in-between.

For me peace is only found in dreams, or when
there's a disconnect between myself and the world
usually found in a dose or ten of my favorite pill.

Solitude has been my best friend since I entered
this world, and much hasn't changed, I see the roles
know the cues, but I've never felt like I belong

Often times when I'm feeling blue, I can even lose myself
in my favorite tunes. Eventually I have to face it
you know', the one thing that never ceases.

“Reality is that which when you stop believing in it doesn't go away.”

And there it is, the thing we all must face, in differing ways
and in changing paces, eventually we all must face our inner demons
and I must say they have many faces.

I wonder how I've ended back up in this position
dependant on not just a chemical or two, but
dependant on the love of a person
You see, I was not born a human, nor have I lived as one,

I'm used to the beauty of the darkness, for in dark places
beautiful flowers grow, but it takes eyes
shadowed in darkness for decades to see them
and to pluck them, one needs a still heart
that no longer beats with the rhythm of a living being

that darkness has shaped my world, shaped my mind
yet in her voice, her words, and her love
I've found myself slipping from that place
being pulled into one in which I do not know how to live
Here there is light, and sights to be seen
with eyes practiced to the sun

I used to believe the universe whispered to me
and maybe it still does, it's just that it's been so long
since I've listened, that its song is distant
raw, and uncaring

You see the universe is lonely,
that's why it turned into you, and into me,
to be embraced with it's own warmth
to embrace itself in its own desire,
what a simple thing we endeavor, is it not?

By becoming creatures bounded in time, and space,
we've forgotten our true self and along with it
the wellspring of love that created us,
now we seek it, although in lesser forms,
experiencing it with only a few
and the upper casts of beings know this,

Somewhere deep in our subconscious we also understand, and we know that we've forgotten it.

It's just that demons have embraced darkness, and a total absence of love, while we try to fill ourselves with small glimmers plucked from flowers that grow in the sun.

Demons, on the other hand, pluck flowers that grow only in the darkness, and those flowers have power over mortals, they will call to thee and under their spell, you will dream dreams meant for only devas, asuras, demons, and spirits.

This nectar is not meant for humans, yet in our arrogance, we reach for their stock and supply,
and with it we compose beautiful songs and paint beautiful shapes, we piece together majestic art and music that can open the mind, bend it, twist it, and mold it in ways from which it can never retreat.

We create,
Things that even devas desire,

We create,
Things that even demons devour,

But to us humans these things are toxic, they are too much, and we become lost to them.
Such that we call madness is a consequence of reaching too deeply into the well of knowledge with an unbalanced, ignorant, distracted, and frail mind, and in doing so, we forsake everything for the pitifullest glimpse of eternity.

In that place; only gods and asuras may roam freely; humans, on the other hand, are far too greedy,
far too curious, far too ignorant, and far too dangerous to possess such knowledge.

We should stick to light plucked from flowers growing in the sun,
because those flowers which grow in the darkness will only lead to our damnation, the conclusion of our race, and the manifestation of something far more terrible than any of our myths ever suggested.

What becomes of me
when nothing remains
my god
it's happening again
close your eyes

I stumble over myself
in the darkness of mind
and I perceive myself
as I am, as I am not

I am he
he is they
they are we
and I am nothing
but the sum of my parts

Ideas take shape
they form,
they split
and I am overcome
I am --
countless parts
moving in unison

I am he
he is they
they are we
we are she
she is I
and I am no longer--
alone in the dark.

This is

The end of a phase
The beginning of an era

Where hope is the villain
and everything bright with dreams
of happy endings

Is perused with intent to ****
I'm not your friend
I'm not your savior

I am the gun
buried in the hate
of everyone who's ever felt
the sting of betrayal, the whip
of hate searing it's name
into the bowels of your heart

I am the beginning, the ending
of everything to come
I am your friend burying the knife
in the back of everything you believe

I am a creature of your makings
Feed me, Keep me
Hate me HATE ME

And just before you forget me,

Remember all that's been done
before its too late and everything you love
becomes forsaken, destroyed
and is left in the wake of everything,
everything you've had me become..

One day it will all end,
be it in a sea of fire, a radioactive wasteland
a barren place with no tree's or signs of life
and we'll still be fighting over what's left.

We are disgusting.
Once nothing is left, We'll still be fighting.
Fighting over our ideas and ideologies.

We are disgusting.
Just maybe we don't deserve to survive.
We can't even face how terrible we really are.
We are monsters, and we hide it from even ourselves.

Don't look in the mirror unless you really want to know
just what you are.

Once you see it, you just might think.
Maybe we don't deserve to survive.

In that endless night
we heed; cold and bitterness
unto the morning light
Sightless vision binds our eyes
madness disembarks into our lives
A cold dark prison earned
is the bittersweet sentence served
A life stolen and a life lived in hush
tis golden silence upon that burning bush

Trembling utterances on the grave
it's the human heart that we poets save
In this final night and in that coming day
let all that you dream become what may
for once the fires lit, the dream is here to stay.

I penned a pen bent out of my mind
asylum I seek, and of fetid dreams I reek
silence dreaded, but it seems it's all she can speak..

should have taken my time, but padded cells
they shook us to the core; in our loneliness
we held each other in embrace like no-one
has ever been held before; today I awoke
dizzy; confused, and admitted to another shore
one that swashes in pain; like an ocean of glass
and with each break, her memory shreds my heart like an open sore.

so I slowly begin to wash away the pain,
disaster being; my mind isn't even mine,
and it's always been that way;
even before I realized sanity was just a game
but in the grind of life,
it's a hellish reminder to not have been born very sane.

profusely I beg, and plead; but it's as plain as day,
she's never coming back; so slack, and bleed, and cut as we may;
administer the habitual as I plead and pray--
not to cut too deep; because this life
it's already taken most of me away.

Sometimes inspiration is free
Other-times it costs you the world
In our abandon we seek
Divinity, eternity
And often the meaning
Of our words
Eludes even us
Are we an author?
A seeker?
A valiant warrior
Braving the darkness
Seeking for such elusiveness
It sets the mind free
Within that darkness
Lies the eternal
A place without form
A castle, a dungeon
And for the unwise
A prison without end
And only those
Well acquainted
With their own madness
May tread its murky waters
To pluck that fruit
Whose shape is an omnipresent
Kaleidoscope of meanings
And to solidify its form
And cast it onto sprawling page
This is our work
Our bottomless pit
Our greatest weakness
And our ultimate triumph.

-----

Reformatted version:

Sometimes inspiration is free
other-times it costs you the world
In our abandon we seek
Divinity, eternity
And often the meaning of our words
eludes even us
Are we an author?
A seeker?
A valiant warrior braving the darkness
seeking for such elusiveness
It sets the mind free
within that darkness lies the eternal
a place without form
a castle, a dungeon
and for the unwise, a prison without end
And only those well acquainted
with their own madness
may tread its murky waters
To pluck that fruit
whose shape is an omnipresent kaleidoscope of meanings
and to solidify its form
and cast it onto sprawling page
This is our work
our bottomless pit
our greatest weakness
and our ultimate triumph.

If you faced it, what's left to fear?

the searing sound of harmony
seeping through madness in trembling tears
ringing false scents of roses
like men ****** to breathing jaded air
and everything that's been has crowded thoughts
of plagued mindsets beset to foreign dances
I see I, and all that I've been..

I see I, dancing
through blackened flames
I see I and I've seen you..

And now that I've seen you..
what is there left to fear?

Gorgeous rhythms and soothing shadows
haunt words yet to be said through the
pale light of a thousand years

I've never been all that I could dream
Now everything I can say is as a boat
lost at sea, sailing into darkness
never to be seen
to never have been conceived
in this world that's nothing more
than a hallow sleepy dream.

Some nightmares find you
while you are sleeping
Others apprehend you
in the midday sun

Some nightmares seize you
and pull you into the darkness
from where you stand
in the midday sun

Those are the type of nightmares
that freeze my blood
Those are the types of midday dreams
where everything is nothing
and nothing is as it seems
Those are the type of nightmare
that drives me to my knees in prayer
beside myself in fear of the midday sun

A mind fractured
and cast away into the sun
There they appear; those apprehensions
legions of haunting apparitions
with malevolent intentions
those which freeze me in solitude
in the heat of the afternoon sun

I am screaming
I am clawing
Am I screaming?
Am I clawing?
Who is that pounding!
Who is that pounding at my walls?!

That is my monster
that which fosters
occupancy in my thoughts

A nightmare
This is what pursues me
That is what moves me
and keeps me awake
screaming at myself
at the top of my lungs
in the heat of the midday sun.

What does it mean to exist? How absurd this experience!
If life leads me in any direction; it is a pursuit to understand
How beautiful, maddening; that this life shrines through the darkness
lighting up the universe in all it's infinite diversity.

This moment spirals through time, winding; un-winding and falling to ashes,
it's like a beautiful song, a symphony so complex just to hear it's faint echo
is to stare god in the eyes; it is a dance; and I've been dancing forever
seeing just how far ahead I can run; before I catch me.

You see I want to capture the truth; and bottle it for my pleasure;
like holding a flame in a jar; just to say I found you; and I'll never let you go.

The trouble in capturing something so beautiful; is the moment it's no longer free
it ceases to be beautiful; ceases to be it'self, like a butterfly that's lost it's wings.

But I feel drawn, compelled, like a ghost being beckoned by a distant voice;
and I must find the other side of this tug; this pull.

I imagine a truth so complete, that I could die in that instant forever fulfilled;
and I must have it, even if doing so causes my complete annihilation.

For I will have seen the mind of god.

In the blink of an eye

A thousand lifetimes have passed by
A million lives have come in and out of existence
A billion laughs laughed and a trillion tears cried

and what am I? What is this insanity that surrounds me?
A material world that shifts position according to my beliefs?
An Inner Dialog that would drive the Buddha mad

The Incoherance of this world is so thick it drowns out all reason,
until my insides scream so loud the world around me begins to bleed.

Following the white rabbit until nothing is as it seems,
to departing and inventing an illusory world based around
the consensus of a society so engulfed in fantasy they communicate
and relate to each-other using memories accumulated from watching TV.

I want to *****, and escape from this madness, and what is it?
What is the true nature of this place we exist within?

None of it makes any sense, is the world mad, or is the way in which I perceive it flawed?
Is my mind broken, or is it a reflection of that which surrounds me?

my god, let me out of this place.

The amplitude of all things to come
are born of sound-waves, as they penetrate every fibre
every neuron, the synapse reconfigure
and fire synchronized with the external world

An electromagnetic pulse is born and dances in solitude
condensed solitude.. like a star burning brightly in an empty sky.

Oh to know.. how much we've grown.. we've come so far,
and as we encroach upon the infinite void,
my eyes shalnt lose their wonder..

the spark of a tear sets in motion, an implosion of will
and the sky is set ablaze in ways beyond imagination
a transmission to all those who are able to see.

Oh to know.. how much we've grown.. we've come so far,
and as we encroach upon the infinite void,
my eyes shalnt lose their wonder..

I say to you, open your mind to all things before you,
for within this infinite view, lies a beautiful freedom.

Everyone who's ever loved me
has abandoned me one way or another
and soon left me alone, drowning
in my own little sea of shame
and with no one there to save me
I became tired of playing games
where I'm the one left wanting
left desiring
left...

And when you speak my name
all that will come out of your mouth
is shame.

I tried to be everything they wanted me to be,
see I gave it my all, now it's falling apart
and in my head I simply long to be free
What is free anyway? See?
See?
See...

I've never known,
Never had enough to lose to care,
and never cared enough to lose what I had,
now it's really enough,

Enough..
Enough...
Enough....

Please,
Please take me away

On your tiny little raft floating at sea.
Untie the rope from the dock and let it drift
and carry me with the winds, and when I land
in lands so far away from myself that I can no longer
find a mirror or thing that evokes a memory,
Maybe I can finally say, I'm free,

Hey, hey, hey hey hey!

I'm finally gonna be free...

Hey..
Hey!

Do my words make me?
Do they mistake me? Do they create me?
I hold on to all that I am
All that I feel
All that I feel I need to say

Is who I am determined by
who I choose to be?
or do the memories I hold make me?
Make me!
Make me!
Oh my god why has my life forsaken me?
Betrayed me? Set me up and played me!
Let my progress take me, shake me!
and push me to places where I am welcome unwelcomed

Stained in all that I do, All that I am
Who I am!

Who am I?
Who am I?

Who am I...

I'm tired..
Need a long sleep
a few thousand years should do,
Sheepish lazy breed
Finniky writer
overdue on life
can't keep up
my head swims in drought
a wasteland..
smack dab in the center of an oasis.

I feel stuck
Somewhere in between one place and another
Like time means nothing...
And everything I've found is hidden from me
Vanished
Incomplete
A realm soaked in misery
She whispers in my ear, I say finish me..

..A picture in hindsight
Too many memories..

First one, I cry
By the end.. Everything is just
A picture in the mind's eye

Why Pry?
Good god, we all lie
Lay me down
and Kiss me Goodbye..

When you've seen the things I've seen,
it's hard to let go, this special world I've created
is like a beautiful painting with it's own sonnet
and when im there I feel alive.

Life is spent in moments, and all that we are
is defined by the roads we take

and I want to take the difficult route, the one
that rewards you forever, but I keep finding ways
to betray everything I need, by continuing to take
everything that I want

It's not easy when your mind is full of demons,
I keep fighting when I should be standing still,
and I stand still when I should be walking away,

I can clearly see my mistakes
but I continue to make the wrong choices anyway.

By the time you take a look, it's gone
fleeting moments ride out their days
in the oceans of my mind

The *** of gold luring me to the end
is as much a phantom, as the rainbow road
leading me there

And the many detours into hell
leave me a little bit lighter each time
and perhaps I should be more wary
of peace, than of the many torments
that seem to be blocking my way

for if I ever find lasting peace, I've probably
traded the truth, for a very beautiful dream.

I can't stand this world.

It's a place filled with lies, a world filled with sorrows
A place of violent madness and pitiful tomorrows.

Truth is ineffable, saddening, and out of grasp
and some days I just can't take it,
because the sum of all we are is something that just can't last.

And I promise all these tomorrows will be sunnier day's,
Yet the sun is sinking, sulking and withering away.

My mind just won't stay quiet, it's running and spinning'
and dizzying in shades of grey.

If I could find a point, a purpose, or a meaningful way
I'd trade all my treasure, my pleasure and call it a day.

There's a universe inside the mind,
distinct from what comes in from the eyes
and the ears and the skin.

It's echos move like ripples over disturbed water
and it speaks in momentary flashes of thoughts
emotions, feelings.

It's en-caged by our own limited ideas, and concepts
but when you set it free, it begins to come alive
it moves like a tree sprouting fourth from a seed

There's a universe inside your mind, and you'd never know it
because the moment you try to capture it, all you've caught
are the feathers of the beautiful bird as it flies away.

Oh how it hurts, the warmth of your voice and the shattering of my heart
when you whip venom into my mind with the flipping of your tongue.

This isn't how it used to be, when the stars lit up the skies
in all directions around me, and everything still felt ok.

Oh, how much more can I bare? My heart is filled with angst,
angst, fear, jelously and hate.

Oh how these things poison my mind, and each time I try to shed my skin
and be reborn into something, someone, anything better,
you find a way back into my heart, and into my mind
and my pain only grows, and each time you leave me more frail.
Fragile, and on the edge like a star that's on it's last leg
about to burst every last bit of it's beauty across the universe
and die a slow agonizing death.

And it will be the last of you, the last of me. Thing's might of been better
but I fear it will never be that way, for the life of me, it's all been a cruel joke
and every soft bit of my heart, has been torn apart and replaced with scabs

but even scabs are chewy enough for your pointy teeth.

What is there to believe?
Whats left? What's next?
Like a magician with a card up their sleeve
Everything that's important..
Ceases to matter to me.

So Fake; Make believe..

Pick a set of false memories
Make a book and read it thrice
Pick a destination and throw the dice

It's just, it's just this life...

Why do I even have to ask such questions?
When the answers float in front of me,

What makes life a gift, or a curse? Is it circumstance?
Is there a choice in the matter at all? Or has this moment simply
been waiting to be since the beginning.

As haphazard as I am, even I find good days,
Even on the days I'm withering away inside.

I ponder my circumstances with the vigilance of a soldier
waiting for a stray bullet to pass by his head.

What a way to live, what a way to write poetry.
Let me tell you, poetry is about as good as ash
tossed in the sea.

It serves as a fossil, a reminder of the past, but through
the binoculars of a different person.

It doesn't explain a thing either, it's just text, an empty shell
Once the shell falls away, what remains is what we sough after, but never wanted.

Let me tell you, When pleasure is followed by pain
there's nothing but destruction
but when pain is followed by understanding,
well, maybe, just maybe.

Seething beauty
is a lost flower

is a haunting memory
reminding me of my foolish mistakes

a wind crashing against my lonely tower
forcing ink from every crack and crevice
like sulking tears
amassing briefly, before falling to the earth.

if only, if just, for a..
but it was all, no more than a fleeting moment.

and I crumble in impatience, like a child,
unable to build a brighter future

from the ashes of this burnt down garden..

that once flourished,

at the sight of
at the scent of
at the thought of

you.

The only thing that shines anymore
is the way the world stops and everything comes to a hazzy crawl
when I take this poison everything that spins in circles
just doesn't hurt so much anymore,
all my friends are inside my head, and the world
just keeps getting further away, I don't mind this little cell I'm in,
at least not today.

When I find a way to escape from this mess, I just may
find myself without much of a mind anymore anyway,
I've never found the thing I've been searching for,
only found my mind in pieces and i'm still looking for the cure

Shadows Darken around me
Silence seeps from my mind
casting a shroud that none see
a sort of prison that only I feel,
and I'm so numb, feeling dumb.

Sort of glad to be here, it's surreal
a prism of light hidden for a time
sublime pleasure, and I feel it all
Just don't miss the vein, say again?

It will all be ok in the end....

My mind is lofty
wound up in the sound
of joys heaven sent
a recompence of dancing in the clouds

I've come and gone
and all those marooned feelings that arise
seem ethereal as the winter moon
reflected in the summers tide.

Life is absurd

Most of it beyond belief, and it's really just a figment
a solidified dream, one that leaves me feeling empty
because I can dream so much more, and all those dreams;
don't mean a thing, and my journey has grown tired,
and stale, and It will never shine again, because
at every turn, I'm reminded of how foolish I am.
There is no magic anymore, my worlds grown hollow
and every belief, is like a song that ends too soon.
If you take a hammer, and smash the world to pieces
it's beautiful, but as the ashes of the world settle
and solidify, you never know how your mind will end up
I like the world in ashes, thrown into the air
because that's the only place where everything is beautiful.

It's a funeral!

Not quite a funeral, but the ceremony
right before the big show

except the audience is empty,
and my thoughts are without purpose,
my existence without achievement.

let us give pause for the man with no future
for today is his funeral

let the trumpets play, and the blackness envelope
our minds as we say goodbye to a life that had
no hopes or dreams.

Because of the millions born,
there must be the broken ones, those without purpose
and without the love it takes to prosper.

so I say, let's have a funeral for them, and wish them goodbye
for our thoughts are better placed where we will find our own happiness
and where we can fulfill our own desires at the expense of our mothers glory

the precedence has been set, and now it is all we can see
let us consume, let us exhume all that glitters and glows
for god is waiting with open arms, and empty chests
awaiting our accumulated bounties!

when the time arrives for our funerals, let the world never forget
a fulfilled life has passed, and let us praise the ones
adept at these greedy systems, and at self fulfillment
those able to forsake the few who just cant make it
for they are but an eye sore, on the beauty of life
where all that extends before me is mine, and mine alone.

as the petals of time, ever eluding
softly drift where the wind carry them
footprints in the snow scatter the fragile
thoughts of the millions who call this home

I hear them and they cry for me to let them go

..I havent got the heart to tell them...

Oh how it hurts, the warmth of your voice and the shattering of my heart
when you whip venom into my mind with the flipping of your tongue.

This isn't how it used to be, when the stars lit up the skies
in all directions around me, and everything still felt ok.

Oh, how much more can I bare? My heart is filled with angst,
angst, fear, jealously and hate.

Oh how these things poison my mind, and each time I try to shed my skin
and be reborn into something, someone, anything better,
you find a way back into my heart, and into my mind
and my pain only grows, and each time you leave me more frail.
Fragile, and on the edge like a star that's on it's last leg
about to burst every last bit of it's beauty across the universe
and die a slow agonizing death.

And it will be the last of you, the last of me. Thing's might of been better
but I fear it will never be that way, for the life of me, it's all been a cruel joke
and every soft bit of my heart, has been torn apart and replaced with scabs

but even scabs are chewy enough for your pointy teeth.

Confronted by a towering wall
spanning miles above me..
..I..

Get a grip! says one of my men.
it shan't be long now-
attach the hooks and wires,
and climb-!

As I stumble towards the wall
something arches fourth
from my stomach
some kind of muck or mire
comes rushing forward
and my mind disappears

Awakened by the foul stench
of burning sulfur and coal
I open my eyes, groggily
and though blurry and strained
I perceive small little hooven feet
dancing about me

Yet no fear is within me
my aversions long gone
for this sight is one
I have grown accustomed to
I live among them
pray among them
I search my soul
which is littered with
legions of these horned monsters
each having various faces
are they me?
are we you?
are we sane?

I hardly care anymore
the clutter strewn about
is what remains of my
sanity
the cobwebs attest
to just how long
I've treaded hereabouts
I'm tired...
I say good Sirs, and Madams
I am so very tired.

Shall we fetch you a cup of tea, sir?
No, get me that bottle over yonder
Yes, Sir-!
Mam, the bottle appears to be empty
Empty you say-?!
I swat away the pest
and hunt for something by which
I can use to dim the light of my vision
stampedes of friends bring me many more gifts
illusions, fantasies, various pains, and love letters
each smiling with crooked menacing teeth
they appear gifts in hand, and up to evil no doubt

Sir, shan't you take your morning brew?
Madam, I have taken it, and I am indeed due for more

With cup in hand, I ask of my friends
to lay me down and help me to sleep
using their tiny hands and arms
they pull shut my eyelids,
and as I begin to lose my vision
I perceive in the distant clouds
the saddened face of someone I once knew
frowning
as the face disappears into the moisturous clouds
I faintly remember I had something to do
or maybe somewhere to be?
However for now
I think I shall enjoy various brews and cups laden with
miseries
and I shall share them with my horned and bedeviled friends
because my body, mind, and soul
has come to very much resemble them
or perhaps they me?

Cheers.

By the time you take a look, it's gone
fleetings moments ride out their days
in the oceans of my mind

The *** of gold luring me to the end
is as much a phantom, as the rainbow road
leading me there

And the many detours into hell
leave me a little bit lighter each time
and perhaps I should be more wary
of peace, than of the many torments
that seem to be blocking my way

for if I ever find lasting peace, I've probably
traded the truth, for a very beautiful dream.

All this show is for something I could never be
my love is the only thing saving me
in my heart I feel as one
If not for good then I'll just give what I can
I wish it was absolute but I am just a man
all these voices in my head
appear as mirrors to other sides of grace
as I stare wholeheartedly
your eyes are all I can seem to face

save my soul just to sell it for something more,
just to have held something pure..
and before I go
give my love to all I see, cause,
Theres nothing greater inside of me

Life is absurd

Most of it beyond belief, and it's really just a figment
a solidified dream, one that leaves me feeling empty
because I can dream so much more, and all those dreams
don't mean a thing, and my journey has grown tired
and stale, and It will never shine again, because
at every turn, I'm reminded of how foolish I am
there is no magic anymore, my worlds grown hollow
and every belief, is like a song that ends too soon
if you take a hammer, and smash the world to pieces
it's beautiful, but as the ashes of the world settle
and solidify, you never know how your mind will end up
I like the world in ashes, thrown into the air
because that's the only place where everything is beautiful

There are
So many things
Broken.

Chipped paint
on weathered windows,
overlooking sullen grey sky
look inside
now choose,

Face it,
or Hide.

I'm a drama
queen
one with the utmost tastes
and forlorned lusts
an animal by any other name
a hair, a haunt, a thimble
a willaby
a tuts
tut tut
tuts

What is this ****?
This intangible thing I can't seem to overcome
It's all sorts of things that go bump, and I can't really define
Everything I've come to understand has been a lie
and I really did believe, now everything is crumbling under
the weight of my running away, because in this life
there really isn't anything to believe, nor anything to hold,
as if the point of my life was to understand, and come to find out
There's nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to feel,
just the epiphany that all there is to life is now, there's no tomorrow
no yesterday, and everything spinning in circles in the mind
is a fantasy.

This idea of carrying on, or of disappearing forever,
of me, and of space and time, it disappears in quite solitude
but to give it up, is another thing all together, because
thoughts are very convincing, they start out few
and eventually there amassed in numbers so great
that the idea of silence and of peace becomes just that
another idea.

What an unbearable agony
My mind wont stop spinning
and at every point of impact
im pulled along by every thought

I can't stop and everything is painted
with meaning that isnt there
and it's like being torn apart from the inside
by a tornado made of razor blades
like being lit on fire and weighted down
in iron shackles

and in my pain
I lash out at the notion I could stop this
at any time

I'm lifeless

Running out of time
Inbetween wanting and desiring nothing
Things are never easy, it comes and goes
They say life is priceless,
doesn't mean much to me
I look in the mirror and only see hate
there's nothing inside me worth wanting
nothing out here worth touching
just can't shrug off my tears
cause I've lived this life
beneath a mountain of fear

I'm nothing, nobody, and I just can't keep up
with everything everyone wants, always been a ******
I'm diseased, plagued by failed wantings
every moment passes with a bit too much haste
this life will be nothing if not in vain
I seek remedy to rivers overflowed in pain

and in the end, will I get anything I've wanted?
can't stand to live without my emotions being blunted
so I hide away in days best left unsaid,
and forgive me cause' all I'm saying is nothing worth reading,
and the entirety of whats to come,
doesn't deserve repeating.

This life is a ride in which I've seen visions of a path
formed and suited to fit all that I have seen and done.
As all is waiting to be created and spun

Pain exchanged for wisdom of everything I love
and If you follow this rhyme from line to mind
from ignition to exhaust, it will leave you
in the mud and exhaling dust.

I have yet to give words of advice
I suffice to say it's hard to express
but in due time they will follow
and find their way, though the sun peaks from
clouds withered in silence as they slowly decay

They will follow in many forms and steps
through this deceptive circle of monotone color

in a time where inspiration is hard to find
I'll live by the word of everything they find absurd

So in the eyes of time let your existence have meant
the world to all whom see your light and they will follow

through this place as hell as it was written in this
hollow graveyard of broken wealth, till the end of time it'self.

I'm never ending, just beginning
now im trying as my mind has begun
to fly and all that I feel is colored
everything I mistake, I recreate
Reform and I change,
this constant inspiring lack of self
desires of insanity trapped within
the clouds of my mind-frame
and my mind-frame is that of being all alone
this devoid lacking sense of motivation
is reminiscent of desperation

when we're all alone, there is no-one
left to cry my name and I glide
on winds of thought all alone, as alone
as the universe is all on it's own
always wondering why, can't you tell
that none of us are really alive?
separated from above, everything you've
been is a cleansing lie, save yourself
from yourself, hatred spills from emptiness
like night time skies absorb all reason
with a flash of imagination these times
are rewired, much left to desire
when everything we want is what they
told us we'd die for all along.

The whole world is broken,
and all those dreamers who carry on
walk like blindfolded fools to their own demise
you see there really isn't any reason
and if you find one, you've sold yourself a lie
we disguise our disappointment in life with
dreams and chasing happiness that doesn't exist
because really, all that exists is a lonely world
where we can't escape from our solitude
barred from knowing why, but it's just a dream isn't it?
it's whatever you want to tell yourself,
I can't accept the silence, because I hear your voice
and I know right behind it's refusal, is everything
so it's never going to be alright

so disappear into this dream and fool yourself,
for happier tomorrows, but everything you chase
boils down to variations of a simple feeling
one that mask's the pain, so all your struggle
to obtain such a simple thing, is wasted
when you could just as easily manipulate that feeling
with a simple chemical.