Why am I so scared of losing something that isn't mine?
I mean what time is it anyway? Think I forgot something,
or maybe someone...?

I've been lost in drink, and tears, and pills with various shapes
why do I always pick the ones I can't have?
What a life joke is sometimes!
Listen -- pain will always come in various huh? and sizes..
and what of my fate? To suffer? to wither?!
Always, always.. just lost in a daze...
or is this all just a phase?

I can't remember right now, the hours getting late
and i'm buying a stairw.. wait, what was I saying?
ne-way, whatever, I dunno but It makes me wonder. :)

I hate being like this, but I can't give it up,
cause' ya know, they say drugs ****; but baby,
I'll tell ya somethin' thrilling
the largest cause of death.. I mean really..
is just being born, and well ya' know, maybe.
but **** it, someone once said come as you are
revetahw, lets not talk falsely now
I'm lost, minds ****** and fried,
and I've eaten far too many pain killers.

Can you see? the constant dreams
stay reminiscent of happier tomorrow's
set me free, so distance is a flying vision
in a world torn of multicolored hypocrisies
incisions of a reality that refuses to see
that I, refuse to be -
and now i find, this place has cut my wing's
I feel, So far away, will you stay??
or will i fade? cut my cord so i fall
and now i cant feel a thing..

as i go, you all look, so far away
and I glide on broken wings, from this place
as this vision fades, I can only see -

you're face.....

but now i'm on my way
and i refuse to see
another day, as I..

Fall from grace

How many days has it been?
Since all this started?
When did life become so hollow again?
Was it the drugs? The loss? My actions; I can no longer defend..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way,
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

With no one to hurt, or to hurt me, I break all the rules
and grin a melancholy grin, hoping for a stray bullet
to end it all. I can't do this again
was everything I struggled against in vain?

With a star in my sky, and a path to follow,
I hesitate to explain myself, I'm just so lonely
A giant phony, With no one there to catch my tears
So I go on living my life muddled in fear
It's not the first time, so just stay clear.

One of these days, I'll reach back to all the hands
Offering me a place to rest my head, so solemn is my mind
even surrounded by friends, I find myself totally alone
everyone eventually hits rock bottom..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way.
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

I just want to get out of here, I stare at myself in the mirror
and see that I can't find even a semblance of the man
I once was; where did he go? Did I grow out of it?
I'm no longer myself, and it really couldn't be any clearer.

A small bit of hope
found in the most awkward
of ways
I'm contented
in my contempt
beside myself in asides
and I fan the flames of beauty
sometimes the words hang loosely
they appear thinly veiled in my mind
and yet, I question just whom writes the words
I feel that I've never written
a single poem in my life
I wonder just from whom
all the beautiful words flow
perhaps talent, or skill, or luck
or maybe just maybe, a spirit
who is all too happy
to use these idle hands.
Today the words won't come, easily
And, well, sometimes
I throw up my hands in defeat
because this poem is really terrible.

This life is never enough, were trained tough,
just tell me when, tell me when i've hurt enough..

in this life the people you love
they never feel the same, no they never feel the same..

im crazy, im pathetic, empathy driven irratic
its tragic, when i see your eyes, i gotta look away
from this feeling inside, like my heart drops and
blows the moment away

eyes like mirrors to blackened skies.. this reality,
it lies.. it lies and i've never felt this way
its a shame..

to play this game, live two steps behind
cram the pain inside, just to feel my heart
explode and watch as my dreams slowly die

and they die.. they die, they die..

now im slowing giving up inside...

please save me, just save me from this life

and tell me when i've hurt enough..

(inside..)

I am the lightning
I bring the rain
I am your sorrow
I am your pain
I am far away
but I'm right here