i am
losing sleep
because
i rather
dream of you

i keep
falling
alone

even if
they were
meant with
good intentions

the choice
of words
could not
have been
more painful


as the words
burned into
my brain

maybe it is just a crush
a big one

cause my feelings seem to
fade with time

but then
you catch my eye
and the feelings
are back

jealousy
is an
ugly thing

it consumes
you
until
it destroys
you

the older
the night became

the more
my thoughts swirl

the more often
they found their way
back to you

And even after all, I don’t really know him.
Even after all, I’m not sure, what I feel for him.
If he is my imagination of an amazing boyfriend.
If it’s a crush.
If it’s love.

But I know that there is something about him, something I’m not really sure about.
Something that messes with my feelings.
Something, that I want to get to know.

my mind
keeps running
running away
from the idea
of an us

but my heart
keeps coming back
whispering
what if...?

i always hope
it is
your name
that pops up
on my screen

she was
acting strong
hiding
behind a mask
of indifference
and sarcasm

and she indeed
is strong
even behind
the mask

but not
in the way
you may think

she is strong
because
she keeps going,
crying behind
closed doors.
she keeps fighting,
no matter
how many times
she lost hope.
and she is strong
because she
dares to love
although
her heart
already broke
too often

why
do you start
a conversation
when
you don't
finish it?

oh, i wonder

did my
birthday wishes
make you
smile?

Maybe this something is the fact, that he won’t disappear out of my head.
When I lay in bed, with my headphones on, I often find myself thinking about him.

Fantasize about dates we will never have.
About a kiss we will never have.
About a future we will never have.

Maybe this something is that these daydreams are stuck in my head, even though he doesn’t even do something…

head full of thoughts
heart full of butterflies
mouth full of silence

Maybe this something is the fact, that he has a girlfriend.
Maybe this something is the fact that he treats her well, which confirms my picture, my imagination of him.

But maybe this something is my hope, when he told me, something in their relationship seems to fade, seems to be lost.

Maybe I just like complicated things.
Maybe I just like daydreaming about someone, who doesn’t love me.

Who probably never will.

i shouldn't be jealous
i really shouldn't

but there
seems to be
a tiny part
in me
that just won't
understand that

i thought i don't feel
that much
anymore

i didn't think that much
about you
anymore

but then
i have this dream
and my heart tells me

he's still important to you

last night
I turned
my music
up loud
trying to
silence
my thoughts

spoiler:
it did not
work

isn't it crazy,
how our heart
always desires something
we can't have?

seeing you
in the
early morning
always
makes me grateful
that i
stood up

i was
staring
at my ceiling
once again

the song
that reminds
me of you
played
as so often
quietly in
the background

and the thought
of you
laying under
the same stars
as me
was weirdly
calming

how do i explain
what
you make me
feel?

when i am
lost in thoughts
and
look up
to the moon

it almost feels
as if they say

"everything
is going to be
alright."

do you
tell
the stars
and moon
about me
too?

green eyes
are the last thing
i see
before
they meet me
again
in my dreams

and by itself
my gaze
always
found its way
back to you

as if
it was
magically
drawn to you

were you
just bored
or
did you
really want to
talk with me?

i guess
i am just
a sucker
for hopeless
romances

laying in bed
listening
to this song

i had to
admit to
myself
that

no matter
how cliché
it may sound

i would wait
for him

i would
give him
the world

if he would
just show me
that

there is
just the
slightest chance
that
in the future
he would want
to be with me

my heart
keeps holding on
whilst
my head
is letting go

again and
again and
again and
...

my fingers
are dancing
over the keys
playing songs
on their own

while
my thoughts
are
with you

you have

no idea

what your laugh

does to me

those
*******
winks

my mind
is foggy
and drunken

but

somehow
it still
found its way
through
to you

Maybe this something is the way he is a bit childish.
But in a sweet way.
Maybe it’s the way he’s walking springy when he’s in a good mood and not surrounded of people.
But maybe he’s only like that when he’s with me.

Maybe this something is the fact that he’s not ashamed in front of me.
That he sings along with songs, no matter if it sounds good or not. But maybe he just does this when he’s with me.

Maybe this something is his body language.
Maybe it’s the way you can tell how he feels in the way he moves.
If he’s comfortable or if he isn’t. But maybe only I can tell it.

Maybe this something is his humour.
He doesn’t take everything too serious, which is great, because he always relaxes the mood.
Maybe it’s the fact, that he sometimes tries to relax the mood in inappropriate situations.

remember when
you nearly fell
off the bench
because someone
pushed you?

remember how
i slang an arm
around your waist
so you wouldn't fall?

remember how
you stared into my eyes
smiled and thanked me?


well,
in that moment
i'd have loved
to kiss you
but instead
i just
smiled back
and continued
to dance
with you

so much happened
in that night
i don't know
where to start
or what to feel

Maybe this something is his eyes. His hazel eyes.
Maybe it’s the way they look at you.
Maybe it’s the way he winks at me.
It’s attractive but also really cute.

Maybe it’s the fact, that his eyes are telling how he really feels. Maybe it’s the way, that his eyes are the keys to his soul.
You feel like you could touch it.
Maybe it’s the way you could stare into his eyes forever.

But maybe only I could stare into these eyes forever.

i just read
old poems

and although
some may
still feel
accurate

i feel like
a complete
different person

it’s 12am
and i’m sitting in my bed
with nothing
but my headphones on
and an idea of
you and me

i know
that i shouldn't
daydream that much

about you
about us
about what we could be

but
i can't help myself

i just
want you
to
like me

the way
i like you

who is
the lucky one
who won
your heart?

Maybe this something is his sweetness.
Maybe it’s the way he apologizes,
even though he hasn’t done anything wrong.

Maybe it’s the fact that he is really sorry.
Maybe it’s the way I can see it in his eyes.
His regret, his guilt. His honest.

But maybe only I see it.

how
can a person be
as pure
as sweet
as kind
as humble
as you?

just
hearing

your
voice

over
the telephone

made me
smile like an idiot

i am
listening to
my favorite songs

and you
sneak again
into my thoughts

and maybe

you are
listening to
your favorite songs
too

but i am sure
that i never
sneak into
your thoughts

i met
someone new

someone kind
and funny

and i was
wondering
if
maybe
my heart
starts moving on

i barely knew
your name

but the way
you moved
and
sang along
with me

on this bench
in the rhythm
of the music

immediately
made me
like you