Drunk on my tears,
Can’t help but swallow,
Dreams of my fears,
That I’ll always follow.

Every last drop,
I’ll always remember,
Caught in its song,
Lost in its ember.

Cry them all out,
Until I’ve accepted,
That I never found,
And learned all the lessons.

I’m left here to fade,
Along with my ashes,
Take out your *****,
Bury me with fashion.

Thoughts always pondered,
Words never spoken,
I won’t be honored,
For not being open.

Here on my arm lies a mark that I made.
When I was so low, I cut with a blade
To punish my body for being a mess,
Though here is my testament, I must confess...

That seeing these scars left on my arms, legs, and chest
Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest;
I feel guilty inside for leaving this token.
Now I will see and remember that I was so broken.

But seeing these scars helps me see
That I survived so much trauma and now I am free.
So I ask you now to stand with me and fight,
To show all these demons what they're doing is not right.

You won the battle of good versus bad.
You are still alive and are no longer sad.
Here on my arm lies a mark of survival.
I got through my hate and beat my self-rival.

If I turned around and walked away, would you notice I'm gone,
Would you even care?
When you look at me, do you see the smile on my face,
Or do you see the tears I fight to hold inside?
Do you see a strong, willful woman I portray,
Or the scared little girl who never quite goes away?
If I broke down and lost all control,
Would you know how to handle me,
Would you hold me 'til I stop shaking,
Kiss away all of my tears?
Would you know how to lift me up
From a place far below recognition?
You see a ****, loving woman,
But I'm so much more.
I'm sad,
I'm lonely,
I'm unpredictable,
I'm broken,
I'm irrational,
I'm complicated.
You say you want me,
But you don't even know.
You see who I let you see,
Who I've always let you see,
But what about the real me,
The everyday me,
The girl who never seems to get anything right
The one who could break down at any given moment
And have no clue why.
I try so hard to fight away my doubts
For a while they bury themselves away,
So far away that I think they're gone forever,
But I guess nothing lasts forever,
Because the pain and tears always find their way back to me.
Can you handle me,
Can you handle ALL of me?
Am I worth the time,
Do you really love me enough
To stand by me through all my troubles,
Or am I just too broken for you?

I was scared to love you
Because I know this ends
One of two ways

Outcome 1:
We try,
And we crash and burn
And everyone around us is stuck
Cleaning up the ashes
As it becomes hard
To simply look you in the eye

Outcome 2:
Which is far less likely
We are a perfect match
And live in a world of bliss
For two years...

And then you leave
Not because you want to
But because that's where you are in life
And I would be left behind

Both hearts would break
But you would be going on to bigger things
And I'd be trapped for another two years

So I created outcome 3
Where nothing changes
Because in outcomes 1 and 2
I lose you

But what I neglected to realize
Is that in outcome 3
You will still leave
And I will still miss you

In this outcome
I just didn't have the guts
To say yes to something
That could have been beautiful

And now when you leave
I won't be left with a broken heart
But I will be left
With the "what if"

It is hard to be loyal
When a friend ignores
The unwritten quiet code
Among better shores

They delicately drift away
Leaving no trace behind
Except unspoken words
That we cannot find

Bound to a promise
Turned to a curse
Our ups and downs
Poured out into verse

Rumors, secrets, and lies
Run rampant through the day
While we helplessly watch
Worn memories fade

The more that we struggle
The harder it gets
To work and untangle
Our huge woven mess

Like a broken record
We cannot mend
There seem to be cliffs
Around the next bend

We have built a wall
That cannot be torn down
Now in a sea of anger
We both stubbornly drown

Meaningless smiles
Can't fool us anymore
I think it is time
We walk out the door

It kills me to say this
I do not want to lie
Somehow I will still love you
I am saying goodbye