Why hello there!
Long time no see
I know I've missed you
Have you missed me?

I'm sorry I left
Without warning or trace
But I had to learn
To not be more than a face

How to write for myself
Instead of the world
Or at least have a shift
In the world that I wrote

But I'd really love
To come back today
Because oh, trust me
I have a lot to say

How does one survive this endless trail
Filled with broken dreams and empty promises?
Why do we suffer through life's cruel game
When we don't even know if we can win?

I believe the answer is the uncertainty
Curiosity may sometimes **** the cat
But in this situation it saves it
Because we know that this could be for nothing
But how could one risk giving up on something
That could be something special

As for what may come, we can never know
So we live to find out
If for nothing else
Then for the thrill of the mystery

Life doesn’t forget about you
It just lets you off your leash
To see what you can do on your own

And though you may sometimes
Still wish you lad the leash
Every once in a while it reminds you
How great things can be without it

Live for the reminders
That your life is yours
And you’ll learn that the nights
Of fearing the future
And cursing the card you’ve been dealt
Are not your story
The reminders are

Eventually someone sees you
And that someone will make you see
That all those years
Where you felt like no one
Were nothing more than a blip
On your timeline

All you have to do
Is hold on until they find you

For days we waste as we countdown the time
For screaming whispers from dreamers broken
For those trying to get there words to rhyme
Waiting for the day their door can open
Do not forget to live, and live for now
To skip through all this time there is no way
Forget the whos. And whens, and whys, and hows
Take on the world that you can for today
That distant life needs a place to start from
Take a breath, look around, your time will come

We are the kids who demanded to be heard
Instead of being pitied
Who took matters into our own hands
When those above us didn’t seem to help

We are the kids
Who forgot to be kids
Because we were focused
On solving the problems
That shouldn’t be ours to solve
But we saw that those with power
Clearly weren’t going to use it

We are the kids that took action
So that you could save your thoughts and prayers
Because we saw those thoughts were gonna be needed
If you can’t see the need for change
And prayers are useless when the answer is already here

We are the kids who weren’t aloud to be sheltered
Because we were the targets
And when we were supposed to be calculating the various measurements
Of a circle
We were practicing barricading the doors
And discussing the fastest points of exit

We are the kids
Who had to turn on the news
And find out that 17 of us were dead

And 83 more of us have been gunned down since that day
Only just over 2 months ago
And that number has yet to stop growing

We are the kids
Who were afraid to walk into school
And now scan every classroom
For something to protect ourselves with
Because we are afraid
That we might be next

And then we were the kids
Who still had to fight to be listened to
Because a statement on piece of paper
Written over 200 years ago
Deserved more protection than our lives

And we are the kids
Who will make sure
We are the last of these kids

I’m not sure I know how to be myself anymore
I speak words that I think are my own
But when they come out
They sound as though they were carefully crafted
By someone who is desperate to fit in
Even though that’s something I never thought I cared about
But now I can’t stop myself from warping into this shell of person
Who once was an original

Who once was someone
I took pride in being

“Curiosity killed the cat” they say
But do they mean pursuing it’s curiosity
Lead to an unfortunate end?
Or was it the living without knowing
Spending day after day
Trying to go crack a case
About what had once intrigued them
But had now become addiction
That caused the cat to have a slow, painful death?

I was scared to love you
Because I know this ends
One of two ways

Outcome 1:
We try,
And we crash and burn
And everyone around us is stuck
Cleaning up the ashes
As it becomes hard
To simply look you in the eye

Outcome 2:
Which is far less likely
We are a perfect match
And live in a world of bliss
For two years...

And then you leave
Not because you want to
But because that's where you are in life
And I would be left behind

Both hearts would break
But you would be going on to bigger things
And I'd be trapped for another two years

So I created outcome 3
Where nothing changes
Because in outcomes 1 and 2
I lose you

But what I neglected to realize
Is that in outcome 3
You will still leave
And I will still miss you

In this outcome
I just didn't have the guts
To say yes to something
That could have been beautiful

And now when you leave
I won't be left with a broken heart
But I will be left
With the "what if"

At 2am
I am wide awake
While the rest of the world sleeps
The light is on in my room
But the only light outside
Is the stars

It is at this time
That I feel truly isolated
As if I am the sole remaining person
On this earth

As if I could walk for miles
And not find another living soul
Despite people sleeping
Just down the hall

To others it may be
the middle of the night
To me
It’s the middle of the day

Living on a schedule
That is not synced with the world
I might as well be
Alone on this earth
Because at 2am
No one is there to comfort you
No one will answer your call
Because they are lost in their dream
While you are still trapped in reality

Oh how I wish I could sleep

If there’s one thing I’ve learned
Its that things have a funny way of working out
No matter how bad things get
You end up ok in the end

It may not be what you planned
Or even remotely close to it
But it will be good

It will be a battle
You will face intense challenge
In whatever form life decides you need
But it shapes you
And ultimately brings you
To your endgame

And the endgame will be beautiful
Because the world knows exactly what it’s doing
When it throughs you those curve *****
And gives you the life deserve
Based on how you react

And ultimately, you will be happy
As long as you allow yourself to be

Smile for the picture
To go on the walk of fame
Smile while you still believe
Nothing’s gonna change

Because eventually
That smile fades
Because You claim you’ll never leave
Until it’s not so easy to stay

And yet again
I’ll be left shambles
Having no idea
Just what went wrong

And to you
I’ll be merely the friend
You wish you never had

But still I’ll keep that picture
Hung up in a frame
And wonder why the smiles faded
As you join the wall of fame

You are slipping away
I'm not sure if you notice
But I certainly do

Each day, you grow a bit more distant
And I feel as though I am unwanted
You would rather spend your time
With the one who I lost

You and her give a glance
And you know what the other is saying
That used to be me
With both of you

She slipped away
And you swore you wouldn't
Do you intend to keep the promise?

If you don't, tell me
Because I am so sick of mind games
I just need people to be blunt with me
So I can cry, and get over it

I know you're not yourself right now
You've been through hell, and I want to help
But now you rush to her, they way she rushed to you
And yet again, I'm just a second choice

My backup plan is to be broke

My backup plan is to stay put, pursuing my passion
Even if it means a lifetime pouring coffee
Or serving drinks, or waiting tables
Just to keep my head above water

My backup plan is to look at the lights
And know I am home
As I receive yet another rejection

My backup plan
Is to drown out everyone around me
Telling me that I'm insane

Because I already know I am

I know I could very easily
Be at the top of
Of any logical path I choose
But what a waste of life that would be

So yes I'm insane
I am signing up for a life
With no stability, no safety net
And thousands ready to fall next to me

But my backup plan
Is to not waste this creative energy
Doing some boring day job
That would ultimately make me crazier
Than I already am

So my plan A
Is to live without a single regret
Because I tried
And did what I love
So no matter what happens
My plan was a success

I’m moving at 1,000 miles per hour
The street lights flash in my face
I catch a glimpse, but not my breath
For I never never stop moving
My eyes never focus
My heart never stops racing
Until there’s finally a crash
And all that’s left
Is some broken bones
And lots of scars

Pain is inevitable
No matter what you do
You are going to hurt someone at some point
And that can be hard to deal with
So you try to avoid it at all cost

But if you live to afriad
To hurt someone else
You will only hurt yourself
And trust me
Other people will do that to you enough

Pain is inevitable
It is a fact of life
No matter what, you will hurt other people
And other people will hurt you
Which is why it is okay
To put yourself first
When the world is already hurting you enough

I want someone to need me
Or at least want me
To feel my presence
To turn to me for help
To cry on my shoulder
To ask to spend time with me
As much as I ask them

Because right now
I just feel like the unwanted friend
The one who no one really wants around
But politely puts up with

I'm the replaceable teammate
Who has useful skills
But my space could easily be filled
By a thousand other people

Everywhere I go
I am either unneeded
Unwanted, or replaceable
I am merely a spare person
Who people forgot
The moment I am beyond sight

I had no ambitions
I had simply an idea
Your the one who volunteered
To bring it to life

You're the one who convinced me
That this could be done
That we would be partners
Throughout it all

Now you tell me
After I spent a month and half
Working on this, and falling in love with it
That it was doomed from the start

You tell me
That it was too ambitious
When honey you were the ambitious one
I was just a creator

Then you tell me
That I'll never succeed
But I'm not the one who bailed
On the one they called a friend

Now I'm the ambitious one
And the one with the idea's
And you're just the one who left
Because he was too afraid to fail

I feel like a fraud
Because this image was built up around me
As if I am this thing to be admired

Now this was the doing of others
But I encouraged it
Because I was desperate to be different
To be special

The spotlight was on me, so I took it an ran
As if that one chance was a shift
And from that point on I was a breakout star

But one moment doesn't change a thing
And just as quickly as I was brought to the top
I have been knocked down

And I feel like a fraud
Because others had to work hard to earn
What was once handed to me

And the second I felt what they did
I cried and complained
Instead of learning to earn my place

Sometimes you just don't want to hear anything
Not praise, not comfort, not pity
Because in that moment it means nothing

You just want to get it all out
And have them agree
And not say another word

Because in that moment in time
Nothing they say will make you feel better
And there is nothing they can do but listen
And watch you cry
And accept that no matter what
It just won't get better today

Maybe tomorrow it will
But not today

It's hard to be a dreamer
To live everyday
Fantasizing about a life
You'll likely never see

It's hard to be a dreamer
Because that dream turns to hope
And we run down a path
That's almost always a dead end

It's hard to be a dreamer
Because there are too many of us
For us all to be successful
But not enough
For us to all be understood

It's hard to be a dreamer
Because we cling to a life
That others can't see
And prove others right
When we don't achieve

It's hard to be a dreamer
Because we are the most susceptible
To heartbreak

But still we dream

An army I brought together
Has begun to unite against me
Forcing me out of the world I created
And denying every word

But that's ok
There are other soldiers In this world


So let the war begin...

My emotions are always on public display
As if they're a movie for you to watch, analyze, and decode
I suppose you could say I wear my heart on my sleeve

Many people don't understand this
For their emotions are locked in heavily guarded fortress
To which only a select few are allowed access

I attempted this for a time
It was not long before I realized it was not an option for me
For my capability to achieve what I wish
Depends on my ability to feel

Once one allows themself to completely let go
They are able to create something in the hearts of those around them
And slowly pull them out of their fortresses
And ever closer to their sleeves

So I suppose my ultimate goal
In everything I do
Is to force others to feel

And draw out of them
What I so openly express

When she was alone
                      Day after day
She filled the ocean
                      Then locked it away
And still to this day
                       No one has seen
The ocean she filled
                       Or knows it to be
She continues to smile
                      Tell a few lies
But she can’t forget
                       The ocean she cried
And though it may always
                      Be in her head
She prays she’ll never see
                       The ocean again