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 Mar 2019 Mind Matterer
Joliver
Okay
 Mar 2019 Mind Matterer
Joliver
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
Planes rust when left on the ground
For they were meant to fly,
Hearts break from time to time,
To question the purpose of this thing called life
Men stumble occasionally,
To stand back up and grow stronger.

You see, everything truly does happen for a reason,
You just have to dig deep,
Dig deeper than before,
Look through life with rose colored glasses,
And you’ll see how beautiful is the gift of God.
I remember
sometimes

her voice would quiver

like paper lanterns
dancing in some
foreign nighttime glow

I fancy
sometimes

I knew that sweet tremble

at a tea ceremony table
beneath Chinese skies
many years before

it first caressed my ear
Lay me down,
get ready to play.

Do you have the
energy,
cause I got all day.

Lead me where you
want us to go,

I'm ready and willing,
let's take it slow.
I am just so sad
So so sad
It feels so heavy inside my chest
It feels like a fight I cannot win
Over and over again

It just wont let me go
When will it let me go
Give me a break
Let me breathe

I am too tired to tell it to stop
Stop whispering in my ear
Stop telling me what I did wrong
What I'm going to do wrong

It is drowning out everything that is good
It is telling me to be selfish
To leave
I wont
But I get tired of fighting at times
And tonight, I cannot put my shield up
I am too sad
I don't know what else to tell you. It does not rhyme and there is no flow. It is only my raw thoughts. I am too tired to organize them, to make them sound beautifully tragic. Tonight they are just, tragic.
 Mar 2019 Mind Matterer
Traveler
I just sat there
Staring out the window
Her words like blowing rain
I close my mind a little tighter
But her words blow through me
Just the same

Trees cushioned in quilts of snow
Life has been frozen before, you know
But in the comfort of our loft
Our sheets are warm
Her covers soft

Seasons change like minds unmade
And snow can fall as deep as pain
Change shall come
In a quickening breath
And spring shall arrive
In the time that's set...
Traveler Tim
i dread the day you learn
for the first time that
you can't just love all
the darkness in me away

and no matter how much
you care i will still toss
and turn at night and scars
might still appear on my skin

i dread the day you realize
that you can't cure me
and sometimes all you can do
is stand next to me and
hold my hand through fog
pouring out of my ears so black
and thick we can't even see
each other's faces

i dread the days i can't
get out of bed
the days you want to
take me out and all
i can manage is a prettified
shell of myself

i dread the day you learn
that sometimes no matter
how hard i try i still can't
pull myself together

the day you learn that
there isn't an answer
you can give that will
save me from my fears

you aren't the first person
who has tried to love the
darkness inside away
my family and friends
have given it their all
but someday you too will learn
that if love could
cure mental illness
the world would be
a much better place
copyright 8/6/18 b. e. mccomb
 Mar 2019 Mind Matterer
Nikita
Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe
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