Isolated
Surrounded by water.
No one but me and the friends i can not see.
Once visible
Transformed into energy.
The sun always keeping the sand under heat.
Open skies
Enormous nights
Sounds of the natural world to be heard
Trees, clear oceans and home in sight.
All i want to hear is wind singing to me
All i want to feel is the water waving through me
Wetting my hair and allowing me to wish
I could spend eternity in this
Nothing but the rocks and open field
Setting me to imagine all of this could be real.
This is what i want to be
Free
Alone but not really
Alone
This is where i want to be
Home
I'd love
To go
Home
If i cant see you
Come with me.

this isn't easy.
it'll sound crazy.
but i can not pretend anymore.
i don't belong here.
i have no desire for anything.
i don't hold onto anything.
i let go of everything and care about nothing.
the relationships with my brothers and sisters
are the only things keeping me to stay.
had i not known them my whole life
by now i would have taken it away.
i fear to do that to them
to burden them with that loss and pain
but the truth about me is that as long as i'm alive i will never  be happy
i will never be okay.
i do smile, and i do laugh.
I do love, and i give thanks.
i do appreciate, and have perfect moments.
but i dont want to continue at all i dont want this.
while you mourn death i mourn my birth.
the day i was taken from where i was born first.
since i was a little girl i had this feeling inside
i never wanted to be here i never wanted a life.
i am a soul who desperately wants to go...
back to where i belong, back home...
i dont want to have a job i dont want to go to school
i dont want to wake up in 10 years with things im responsible for.
i dont have a passion or a purpose here
ive always felt this way that's how i know that it is real.
even being happy i just dont want to live.
if i didnt have to take my life there is nothing i wouldnt give.
i was always asking him
please take me with you.
bring me where you are,
i want to come with you.
i never understood why a child should want to die.
especially feeling the desire with no reason why.
if im this suicidal how come i'm still alive?
believe me i have tried,
i've tried so many times.
maybe he doesnt want me there yet,
maybe i have not done the work...
the job i was set out to do, unfortunately, when i was born.
or maybe he has to be the one to take me there
maybe i shouldnt go on my own.
you may think i'm stupid,
or too depressed,
or just insane.
but i promise you i've tried to do normal things.
my mind doesn't change.
i've found happiness before
i've had goals and plenty more.
deep down inside it's still the same,
i want to open up that door.
i cant imagine how this may sound to someone who doesnt understand.
but what happens when you're put somewhere and you just KNOW this feeling you have,
it's so strong it's almost like communication from my past
the energy i used to be,
before it became my turn to do the task.
i feel like before we were all here we were in this peaceful place.
and everyone must be chosen to take the challenge and run the race.
it's not about winning
or how fast you go
or even finishing.
it's about experiencing the form of life
can you get passed the puddle without slipping...
i think i've proven myself
i can handle anything in life.
i've been tortured with every pain you could possibly feel inside.
i feel like i know things about how life goes and what works and what wont,
i just cant stop feeling like i dont belong here i just dont....
im not sad right now im not trying to sound crazy...
the truth about me is i miss the world where i was created.

You have mastered the eyes of an actor.
A true masked manipulator .
You could convince me that I didnt have to leave,
You'd also made me worship things I would have never believed.
Your smile could lead one to think that you were genuine and safe.
The sensitivity in your voice made the worst situations okay.
Control the mind with your natural lies.
Make me believe it is just you and i.
You act in a way that is almost like you preach.
Guiding us to be believe that the impossible could be.
I'm positive that you could even make me think...
That even under water it is okay to breathe.
Someone so dangerous is a bad ending i know it.
Then again,
You'd keep me doubting the truth
Even after you expose it.
Simply power
Is what you have
To lead anyone the worst way.
Giving me hope that i could pass with no studying on the first day.
Convince me that i can leave you alone and not do this
Give me time to heal from you and never again be so foolish.

Victim of false hope
False belief
False emotions.

One day I'll get you to  take a breath under the ocean.

I have everything I've always wanted
But the feeling doesn't go away.
My eyes, my heart, my head are exhausted
I'm not used to feeling okay.

And those moments, when I feel like crying,
When I close my eyes and feel alone,
They haunt me down, and I'm shivering,
Scared that those problems will always be my own.

Life has never been perfect to me
And I don't believe in miracle.
How crazy would it be to be free
Of feeling afraid, lost, horrible ... ?

I lie here in bed
Motionless
But not lifeless.

There is nothing inside my head
But it is far
From silent.

Visuals growing vivid
Racing and changing
Randomly taking me from one place to another.

Numbness and weakness
Total tranquility
Seeing new faces
New beings
New color.

My breathing sinks
Falling in rhythm with the sounds
Of peace...

I feel
Like I have left this world
And come to a place just for me...

My heart is asking me
"Where is the pain?"
It, too, has been relieved
Of the grip of suffering.

My eyes cant help
But to remain closed
I, myself
Feel quite composed.
My mind senses that I could not further.

In the darkness
So it broke me
From the chains of ******.

Everything I wanted and believed
As a child
Violated and seized
Then, for a long while...
I could never see
Beyond my broken pieces

My mind has set me free
And has shown me
What
To believe in

Meeting you
Liquefied my heart
Brought it down to a state of art
Where knowing you has become such a blessing
And letting go of you will be lethally hard.
Time has pushed you in the center.
Mind has my ***** wrapping around you.
Slowly but indefinitely,
Closing the gap
No one can have you now
I froze you in my trap
Now as my heart begins to  set
Feeling each string of my art attach
I know the treasure it holds inside

It is you, my love
Just you and i.

What is the matter with me?!
I've lost my touch.
I've traded my ability to heal
For the ability to destruct.
Instead of supporting you,
I've robbed you of all trust.
Your confidence is in my yard of graves and dried, sad blood.
I used to be able to bring life to a corpse.
I used to teach  the power to love.
And now I set flames to all good that comes.
The lives and the emotions I have taken and destroyed...
They haunt my now, empty soul, they are impossible to avoid.
The red wine of my loved ones trails me everywhere i go.
And the only way to fix this is to admit to what i have done.
Accept the pain i have burned people with
To not reject the blame for what i, myself, have caused.
I pressed sorrow onto broken beings who are now more torn apart
They are what i created them to become.
And now it is i that holds all the weight of the impact
That i,
Myself have created
A foundation
For darkness to lurk and repeat itself.
I used to be able to bring sight to the blind.
Now, vision has been used to see things i would never have imagined in any form of life.
Seeing what i have done but blind to a solution...
I couldnt even tell you if there was enough time.
I think my chance has passed and i have completely murdered our race.
Because of this obsession of mine.
Not letting anyone in
To hurt me ever again
Has ultimately cost me
And i will pay until a new force begins
As i have to repent for my sins
And feel this
What ive done ... till the very end.

Sensing my sorrow
My genuine regret

Angels come down to save us once again.