I was hungry
          and you gave me bread of life
I was thirsty
          and you gave me living water
I was lonely
          and you said to me
          "I will never leave you nor forsake you"
I was tired
          and you gave me rest
I was afraid
          you said "fear not, for I am with you always,
          even unto the ends of the Earth"

Everything I need comes from you
Thank you Father

I would instantly break down from the soul
if you asked me
when was the last time i was ever happy
i couldnt see myself telling the truth
i'd have to pick a lie that would satisfy you
one that is convincing,
maybe a story behind it.
one that would make you believe i knew what you were asking.
if i knew what that was maybe i could tell you,
but im not sure what you mean,
that is one question for which i cannot help you.

it is okay for my pains to last forever,
But i will not let them stop me.
it is only humane to get hurt and get better,
so i will continue to progress without stopping.

Reaching my hand to steal
"Dont do that"
If it were done to you how would you feel.

Fixing my mouth to cause pain with words
"Remember how when it was said to you it deeply hurt".

Raising a hand to impact a person
with angry vengeful forces and painful purpose.
"The one who hits another is the one who suffers the most "
You know this.
I hear your  voice stopping me.
It's  working.

One day my eyes close and all i see is white.
My heart gives out and void fills life.

I see you and i hear you calling to me.

It was you, it was you teaching me my wrong doings.

Lord you saved me in life  and the after.

I thank you and apologize for what i did if it matters.

That voice never leaves my head,
Always directing my biggest steps.

I had to stop and listen to you for me to know any better.
And i know now that you are here with me and you are speaking to me from heaven.

I tried to end it all again,
and yet again I am still here.
I really dont understand.
I'm giving up on giving up.
I wont even try to try harder.
Im throwing my hands up and leaving suicide alone.
But the feeling of it wont let me go.
i can say for the most part right now
i am pretty content.
i just dont want to think anymore about anything.
there's so much bad in my life that the good is impossible to see.
subconsciously i see possibility...
I am trying to push myself forward and carry myself ahead.
even though pain still lingers onto my legs,
nails deep in my calves making it hard for me to keep going.
but i know that as long as im moving forward im making progress even if slowly...

Naaire, you had a post on your instagram that read:

Slow progress is better than no progress,

And with all that has been said...

i am trying to make myself better because im tired of feeling dread.
suicide was my only way
but really i was already dead...
i need to make myself feel Alive

but i've been drowning myself instead..

at the moment i am okay
i have time for just one breath

its been so long since i've been okay...
and i thank the powers for that..

and i will try to go further than where im at.