I’m driving and your playlist is on,
The one that always makes me think of you.
Usually I’d sing along,
But tonight I’m too broken to.
Six years gone and I still feel
Like I’m cheating if I try to move on.

I've been going through the motions,
Trying to convince myself that I'll be fine.
But when someone new starts getting close,
I pull back every single time.
Their voice sounds wrong, their laugh's too loud,
Nothing feels the way it should.
Maybe I should just give up,

Stop pretending someone else could fit.
Not that I’m waiting for you—
I just can’t imagine settling for ****.
Every time I meet someone new,
I hold them up against what we had.
And nothing ever comes close,
So maybe being alone isn’t that bad

I used to think that higher meant escape,
That feeling weightless was the only way.
I’d chase whatever helped me lose my shape,
Until the night consumed another day.

I thought each fix would find the joy I’d long forgotten,
But clarity would hit — so sharp and sudden.

Chasing every high will have you
digging at rock bottom.

I saw you at the coffee shop today
Standing where we used to meet
You looked right through me in that certain way
Like I was just another face on the street

And for a second I wanted to wave
Say something about how I’ve been
But then I realized what I had to save
Was the stranger I’ve become within

You knew me when I’d text you back too fast
When I’d save every song you’d play
The version of me that thought we’d last
Who’d wait around for you all day

But that person couldn’t make it through
So I taught him how to disappear
Learned to sleep when no one’s calling you
And stopped expecting you to reappear

Now I drink different coffee, take new streets
Wear clothes you’ve never seen before
The person standing here who never speaks
Is someone you don’t recognize anymore

I never went all in
Just stuck to the small stakes
Kept my bad habits running
Even when I felt destroyed
Like a car running without brakes
I don’t know if its only you or a selected few
Maybe some of the **** I didn’t see through
And
I don’t know if I lacked compassion for all of my partners,
Or everyone I ever knew
But I feel stuck when I’m awake
Running when I’m asleep
The hill I need to climb to get back to myself
Feels way too steep
And while I’m waiting for the final break
Maybe I’m already in too deep
I feel addicted to heartache
Because I can’t let go of this heartbreak
Please just fall asleep

I wear polo shirts
to cover the hurt,
marks on the neck
from a night
where life was asking me
to settle the final check.

I lie in my poems,
Where I speak to you
and cry—
The only truth
that matters:
I

..lie in my poems,
Where conversations never fill
the silence,
yet time stands
Still.

I lie in my poems,
Where we fit like a glove,
Pretending you know
What I’d do for your
Love.

I lie in my poems,
Where these words
Read as a clue,
Addressing my love to
You.

Everywhere I see beauty, I see it in fragments of you.
A smile or a sunset, you’re always the clue.