I cannot fall asleep.

The monsters in my head,
won't stop screaming.

They scream for
sweet release.

The feeling of cool sharp metal
against my warm wrist.

The dark red color of my blood.

I yell and scream for them to stop.

But they do not listen.

I comfort them in the only way I can,
without breaking the promise I made.

I imagine slitting my wrists,
the dark, dark red slipping from them.
Then laying down on the cold tile,
and drifting away.
Never waking.

I weep as they smile,
finally at peace.

I made a promise I intended to keep,
but I don't think I can any longer.

As they sleep,

I slip off into the dark
to find that silver blade
and cut my skin.

They're winning.

Fill me up
Top me off
I just can't get enough

Give me the needle
I'm in a situation, medical
I just can't get enough of this chemical

It'll play with you
Make you believe
Make you see
Skies of blue

Take you away
Bask in the sun
Up on plateau
Feeling found fun

When the feeling is gone
And there's not enough
Need a new source
Well that's tough

The chemical killing me
Has left to die

I'm waiting for the next dose
Coast to the next host

The chemical flies like a dove
It's name is love

You are the reason for my madness;
For my sleepless nights alone.
You are the ghost that haunts me,
Bleeding me to my bones.
You are the cure,
I so helplessly seek.
Yet I know from our past,
One taste of you—
Is my defeat.

I tell myself it will be okay
As I sit in my room
Clutching my hair at the root
Quivering uncontrollably
Feeling the loneliness run over my skin
Knowing once I break through
The world will stop being monsters
That wear your memory like a Tombstone
Howling at the moon like a cat in heat
I understand what withdrawal feels like
Except my drug is quitting me

i am a drug, abused drug abuser,
you like to pick me up, take a drag
rip a piece
and throw me away in your disgust,
wear me thin...
and while you work on breaking my spirit
i inhale of my own poision..
pulling clouds of happiness into my lungs
for the low low price of my sanity
you picked me up one night and screamed
threw me to the corner and as usual
but this time you cried
you said"im sorry"
i don't know what that means
my soul is gone, i sold it to the devil for a fiver,
grinned as i counted the cents and he laughed away
my anonymity is stripped even the walls know my name
i dip my head as i walk down the street i don't want to meet their eyes
it hurts ,
to see that emotion,
happiness? content? i don't know
since you picked me up like a piece,
and started burning away my sanity
i became a drug

but im in limited supply

*L.G

Her deep brown eyes were now achromic

I craved her love but she was bent on straight needles. Constantly needing reminders that she's still human and can feel, still putting up barriers between her and her evils. Seeing the man up on the steeple she knows her attempts are feeble

Constantly misguided by the Christian belief that acceptance was key to the question of "am I worth it"

We use to talk but now you're aphasic

She was in a dreamland where voices were something to be tasted she was so anesthetized from these pills that were prescribed to help her dream but nothing could be prescribed to help her wake

It was like seeing the sun go away but not being replaced by the moon

I was just hoping it was a phase that would pass and she would return without a trace of the past but this hope was as empty as these bottles
These feeling so corrupted
These words so unheard

Like a wolf howling only to be answered by a vacant night

And it doesn't matter how much I beg and fight
She tightens her grip on her defenses like the band on her arm
But still leaving her defenseless to her emotions

That might as well be where she is 6 feet under a pile of broken dreams and wondering beams of support that holds up her house of sanity with a vanity of broken images of who she hates the most.

She's caught between a lake of fire and limbo, on a tipping scale one once from destruction

I know I can't bring the sun back but maybe I can find a new light in this darkness.

Because she was something I always wanted more of

I twitch when I wasn't around her
I would get the shakes from just one kiss
I would get drunk off her smile and high off her words
We both overdosed on something
Because this love .... was never labeled a drug.

Lucy was in the sky,
eyes shining like diamonds.
She knew she could never die.

Her hair melted in with the tree's roots
The blues mixed with the greens,
and she was wanted by every teen.

Best friends with Alice,
Too beautiful to be ignored,
was forever filled with a silent malice.

Lucy made us all feel endless,
Colors looked better
Everything left us breathless

Lucy and Alice always together
Life is so much sweeter
Now that we're all light as a feather

The first time I tried drugs
I think the thing I liked most about it was that slowly
I was destroying myself
I like how it took me away from what my life actually was
and afterwards I became addicted to my what my actual life wasn't
I was living in a fantasy
I was stuck between who I was supposed to be
and who I wanted to be
never knowing what I was meant to choose

By loving you I learned to hate myself
In finding you I learned to lose myself
Eyes roll back into my head,
Decorated by ugly shades of red
Don't really know if I meant what I said,
If I'd rather be dead

Couldn't stop the shakes
Turned my tears into lakes
Trying to teach myself not to need you here
This is someone trying to disappear

Craving your careful stroke of my hair
That simple bliss so temporary

But in leaving you I've learned to need myself
And in forgetting you I've learned to be myself
They said life teaches you how to live it,
you just have to live long enough to get it