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Empty
Numb
Heaviness
Can't seem to think less.

Each day im fading
Is anyone listening?

Long nights
Headaches
Cant see through the thoughts
But feeling i will still make it to the stop.
I cant make these loops stop

Scrolling
Binging
Pretending
This isnt living.

Substance abuse,
Doesnt even get me through.
Where is my muse?
A change,
must be made.
I cannot maintain
living in this frame.
When will i finally start
To follow through.

Im sick of my own ways

Excuses,
contemplate
Going insane
What is the point
Of anything
If i just spend my days fading away

Never commit
"Shes A flake"
I know.
Im so tired of being this way
Hating how i live
Feeling shame
In who i am,
Wishing i was different
I want to commit
To me again

I want to jump all in.
Leave all this **** at the door  
find the free spirit within
I will do what best for me,
Even if it takes some pain.
Anything is better,
Than living this way.


change is being made
Surrender
what are you scared of?
Trust
It will be okay
Simple,
not a debate
just need to get out
of my own way
Change is here.
Can't keep running from the girl
locked in here
staring back at me in the mirror

She says,
let go.
Change is here.
No need for fear,
my dear.
Dissapointed in me
for believing
Thought i wasn't naive
However,
the truth remainining
the hopeless dreamer
forever at heart
no matter how much
i restart

You say you love me,
but you only loved the "pretty" parts of my painting
Now, when I start to feel safe
Im unraveling
My colors bleed across your frame
stuck in his gaze
but, he sees
and runs away

Not a love,
he can maintain.
Words repeating,
in my brain.
Caused a bit of pain,
but its not all doomsday
Cause im starting to see clear
of what was really happening here.

Nobody is the villain
I just believed when he said the word love
and now im tangled up in pool of wants
and just want to be free again.

My colors,
stuck in frame.
but he wanted to obliterate
all because of my emotions that day
the portrait we were painting
all i see now is my strokes
where did he go?

In my shadows,
treasures I find.
There is gold to mine.
Just like without darkness,
there is no light.

In our lovers
a sacred mirror is beheld
and it shows you parts of yourself
that youve rejected and pushed down to hell.
But we must see
what we dont want to accept in us
and in another
before we can truly uncover
the jewels waiting to be discovered.
men throwing out words like love when they havent a clue of what love even is. stupid of me, to believe.
You used to be my best friend,
now its like i never existed.
You used to be my best friend,
now its like you never existed.

You ran when i needed you most
Thanks for the help dad
Do you sleep peacefully?
Is there any guilt or remorse when you think of me?

do you even realize
what you did to me
when the personal creator
who birthed me
Tragically departed the earth early
only two weeks after turning 18.
You were nowhere to been seen
searching for your teen.
Her heart she let open bleed
at that fateful scene.

But if you're wondering,
Im alve and occupied,
attempting to mend these shattered pieces of mine

How could you abandon
our bond and memories so easily
Didnt even say sorry,
you still don't try to get ahold of me.

a sweet young girl
taking on a new lonely world.
Youd be proud to know,
i conquered it great
with no supports and did what it takes
to adapt, grow up and outlast.
I've matured too fast.

i forgive as a daughter
but as a parent
i can never understand
you are not a man

I forgive as a daughter
but as a father
I will never understand
abandonment as your plan
thus forfeiting being a man.

Grieving you,
but your not dead.
Your lost in your head.
18 was supposed to be when my life started
not grieving a mother
and wondering what happened to my father

i will always wonder.
Its not fair to me, nor to the men i meet,
that i want them to fill the emptiness in me
that you could easily complete.

All you have do is call me.
Grieving someone who's not even dead,
is an enitrely differnt level of grief itself.

Thanks for the help dad
i try not to be mad
but knowing you choose
drugs over me
livng on the streets
makes me wonder why i'm not good enough.
You don't even have to give that up.
Just wish youd call and say what's up.

I will do me.
You do you.
Youll wish you stayed,
Once i can fully make peace with the truth
I can be the me
that was free
and full of life
before you disrupted my upbringing.

I will rise again
like the phoenix always does.
You used to be my best friend,
now its like i never existed.
You used to be my best friend,
now its like you never existed.

You ran when i needed you most
Thanks for the help dad
Do you sleep peacefully?
Is there any guilt or remorse when you think of me?

do you even realize
what you did to me
when the personal creator
who birthed me
Tragically departed the earth early
only two weeks after turning 18.
You were nowhere to been seen
searching for your teen.
Her heart she let open bleed
at that fateful scene.

But if you're wondering,
Im alve and occupied,
attempting to mend these shattered pieces of mine
and collecting the lessons left before me

How could you abandon
our bond and memories so easily
Didnt even say sorry,
you dont try to get ahold of me.

a young girl
taking on a new lonely world.
Youd be proud to know,
i conquered it great
with no supports and did what it takes
to adapt, grow up and outlast.
I've matured too fast.

i forgive as a daughter
but as a parent
i can never understand
you are not a man

I forgive as a daughter
but as a father
I will never understand
abandonment as your plan
thus forfeiting being a man.

Grieving you,
but your not dead.
Your lost in your head.
18 was supposed to be when my life started
not grieving a mother
and wondering what happened to my father

i will always wonder.
Its not fair to me, nor to the men i meet,
that i want them to fill the emptiness in me
that you could easily complete.

All you have do is call me.
Grieving someone who's not even dead,
is an enitrely differnt level of grief itself.

Thanks for the help dad
i try not to be mad
but knowing you choose
drugs over me
livng on the streets
makes me wonder why i'm not good enough.
You don't even have to give that up.
Just wish youd call and say what's up.

I will do me.
You do you.
Youll wish you stayed,
Once i can fully make peace with the truth
I can be the me
that was free
and full of life
before you disrupted my upbringing.

I will rise again
like the phoenix always does.
Waking up
Stomach in knots
Endless thoughts
Stuck in tidal lock

Finally breathing.
Consistency.
Am I dreaming?
Broke down my walls
Didnt take much at all.

I was too much for you.
had emotions that turned you off.
So, he turned back the clock
And went back to the life he knew.

What was the point of waking me up
Into your pool of love
Just to cut
And disconnect
Before it even took off.
It was an almost,

When i think of you,
My stomach drops.
It hurts me, that i actually believed.
But i was dropped, without a thought.
Thanks for letting me off.
Im still going to reach the top.

now, waiting for the bus
Please. take me back
to inner peace.
Back to me.

You set me free, easily.
Thats enough for she.
To move forward
Without the thought of we.

Each day,
A little strength
i gain
Success,
i will obtain.
Feel the Pain,
Dont run away
Dont ecape.
I will rise,
Transform with time
For this life is mine
To design
I will make a heaven out of my mind
I will alchemize.
Mending, Tending
To The pieces of me that broke.

Polish the dust off.
Each breathe
A moment to restart

-kc
The deeper i seek,
I find it harder to connect
with anyone around me.
Is there anyone that resonates
with my frequency?
Anyone that truly sees
The girl underneath
the more i speak,
The more i feel i need their
acceptance, approval of she.

Then, Klarity arises from her sleep.
The one that doesn't care who leaves,
She is my peace.  For She knows
Her purpose is not defined by who wants me, It is to set others free.

She finds comfort in the uncomfortable
For no change comes easy,
It comes with pain, maybe a bit of shame
In return, we vibrate at a higher rate.
And get a step closer to integrate.
Start to tap into
The purpose of why we came to this time space.

I am always here, the true essence
If you need to contact
Just drop out of your mind,
Into your body
Bleed out pages of ink
And you will find the alignment you need.

You are free.
Take the chances - you won't regret it.
Trust that flicker
Within your being, its calling,
let it lead
your intuition
Is the key to the ignition
The puzzle piece you've been missin'
Universe sees when you trust
And take a leap.
You will shine.
And the others who are on your vibe,
Will recognize
They see more to what than meets the eye.

Programs run deep
Where did your thoughts orignate from?
Are you the one thinking?
Societys brainwash embedded deeply in the psyche.
This construct
Was Built to destruct,
To profit off low self esteem

With every bell ding
another deposit to the pharmacy
They dont want you thinking.
They dont want you to be free.
You might question authority,
They thrive off your self limiting beliefs
They want you in doubt,
full of anxiety and not taking the lead.
So they keep sinking in their teeth to polite society

You are not your identities,
You are everything in between
A word thats not even defined.
You cant be.
For You are otherworldly.
They can't touch your vibe.
Know it. Feel your essence
WIthin your whole being.
You are divine.
You are bigger than time

I will shine.
I will focus on me,
On what feels aligned,
And one day,
When i let someone inside,
I won’t be so torn if they leave.
For i know,
I will always have me, myself and I.
And they will know me better than any other guy.

Learn the lessons,
And get to manifesting.
Life isnt found in over thinking, wishing and daydreaming.

Its found in living.

Kc
Accepted
Rejected
I'm loved,
I'm neglected

You are not defined by the lens others see you through.
Do not abandon you
to get some acception. to be chosen,
by someone who does not see you.
Your value, your worth,
All you overcame,
tied together with a pretty face and lace.
Do not mistake.

My soul always breaks,
in the same way.
Questioning fate,
But I do not spread hate.
Each time rejected,
i it as confirmation,
my daily affirmation

Another dash
added toe the line
and each time
it hits a litte deeper inside.
Will i find love in this life?

Your truth, pushes them to go too deep.
We can' t help how others percieve,
make sure you don't shrink.
and you will be seen.
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