I thought under your arms
It was my security.
I thought against your chest
the beating that raised was nerves when you saw me.
But now
I know it was fear.
That last breathe after ever kiss.
Now I know it was a rush to air
after trying to escape from what could of been a nightmare.
It was my bitter skin
that raised goosebumps at the end of your spine.
I was a monster and you didn’t wanna love the beauty inside.
I was a monster and you feared me like no other kind.

I hate my weight
I hate these pounds
I count calories till I drop to the ground
Till ribs show and empty is normal sound
Till mind is distant from body, core
Till I anxiously weight myself
scales to be broke
Till want is more lost than a pound or so
Only wanting to disappear
I wish I’d float
away like ashes of dust,
weightless kites,
sails on a boat
Till all seems to match the void coiled inside
Till I’m lost in an obsessional trail of mind
till I feel to be fed, freely
my conscience is only full
Because I look in the mirror and ought
to believe in me not
a person I wish  really I was not