Big and small they come in with glimmers of hope. They cover me like fire being ****** into a room. Igniting my fierce determination, carrying me like foot prints on the sand. My blessings come to me as a surprise, when all hope seemed to be gone a flower still sprouts from the barren ground. Soon this will be a field covered in life and beauty. Bringing me to my full potential. Thank You for carrying me, thank You for shaking me awake to see the small glimpses of beauty among the dirt. I've learn to appreciate the dark because the light is now so much more important to me. I will now go forward through life picking the beautiful roses along the way, keeping them with me forever. Thank You for carrying me, thank You for my blessings.

- Kelly <3

Elation with no regard to the reason. I just let it roll over me when it comes. Living in it because I know it’s fleeting and I am grasping at the rays of sunshine like they will dissipate any second. This feeling of pure joy and happiness. Oh, how I wish you could stay for just a moment longer.
My mind actively searches for intruders ready to wipe them away in an instant before they come to the forefront of my mind. How dare you try and ruin something so pure and full of joy. It's like you can’t allow yourself a glimpse of heaven. As if you have tasted the forbidden fruit and you are quickly trying to cover the evidence with despair.
Despair that you have already buried and mourned over, but you bring it to life again, like it secretly comforts you. How can despair be comforting? My mind decides at this instant my happiness can be ruined at any moment so why not on my terms?
Throwing at the forefront already buried land mines knowing exactly how they will explode. Now the fog rolls in, rays dissipate, warmth gone. I allowed it to leave, allowed it to no longer warm my face and thoughts. Oh well, until we met again sun, I will embrace the beauty of the fog

A simple smile that can cut through clouds as ominous as my fears.
A touch that can constrain my thoughts into a silent warm room.
Words that can save a lost soul from drowning in themselves.
A heart that is pure, patient, and persistent.
You are the reason the sky is blue and not gray.
You are the energy I need to ignite a lingering thought that terrorizes my brain.
Forever moving and adapting to my contradictions.
Forever still and strong as I travel down a road I must take; that may well break me into many tiny pieces that will fill the lungs and stomachs of all that I love.
Suffocating them into extinction and spreading across fields like wild fire.
Then I am back.
Back to you… Home.
O.K.
Still walking, still fighting
I know now this fight is no longer just for me, but for all those who will suffer from my broken pieces.
All those who live in a world I do not understand.
And then I am back.
You are what keeps me up when I am no longer able to put a foot in front of the other.
I just need to remember to comeback. Never letting these tiny morsels of my truths take me too far from you.
Always keeping my hand in yours. Always taking each step with you in sight.
I need to always remember the place I can fall to is REAL and it can tear away all that is dear to me.
I promise to come back always to you.
Because your simple smile can cut through clouds as ominous as my fears.
Your touch can constrain my thoughts into a silent warm room.
Your words can save this lost soul from drowning in themselves.
Your heart always pure, patient, and persistent
I will always come back to you.

Feelings always changing and forever moving like the water flows in the ocean.
Full of shallow thoughts and deep-rooted insecurities.
Why do I care how you feel? Because I absorb your soul like the ******* of poison from a deep wound.
Taking it upon myself to help you find some lethargic relief. I know it can damage my very existence but I take it on as if I am able to carry your burden.
It’s as if this poison fills me and I am able to change its very form into liquid gold that warms me.
I see glimmers of hope in your eyes and that’s enough. It’s enough for me to continue to help.
Enough that I lose myself and my own poison doesn’t exist in these moments.
My poison is briefly eliminated as I pull in your destructive energy. It begins to run in fear, selfish because it realizes it is no longer significant.
It waits and creeps up again when it knows it can be the center of the universe again. When it can conquer all aspects of my fragile mind.

Forever wondering how did I end up here
Never realizing the blame is on me
Having no energy to shed these tears
Forever yearning for a better me

Hopeless, where do I begin?
Hopeless, does this ever end?
Hopeless, having love never be enough.
Hopeless, please just don’t give up.

Craving more from this shell of mine.
Can’t seem to push through the fog of a life I have created covered in mixed messages and signals I don’t understand.

Do you get me? Do I like me?
Do you know me, because I can tell you I am a lioness just waiting for life to
release me from its choking grasp.

I am more powerful than you can imagine, I just can’t summon the strength.
My mind bends and moves over a plane that you don’t see.
You ask how can this be? And I would say you truly don’t know me.

Why do I try to hide… It’s because YOU can’t handle my power inside.
You can’t feel what I feel. You can’t handle this burden.
When will this burden truly be a gift?
I know there is potential in every piece of me
But potential without energy is just unmoving power
And unmoving power is nothing.
Why have I been blessed with this gift,
This gift to see and feel everything you don’t.
You don’t know me, no one does.
I show you a glimpse of me and you cringe and curl away.
I am more valuable than you think.
This world cannot handle me.
I hide myself because you can’t understand the strength and love flowing through me.
I want to be Free, Please let me just be me.