Perception is an injection,
of either hope or despair,
and I've come to find that it,
either burns or repairs,

I have a gun to my head,
And I can't pull the trigger,
But I dare you to proclaim me dead,
On this last night of winter,

And my innocence flows from my hands,
I just want to be free,
But there are simply too many things I don't understand,
And there is a battle in my head that I did not decree,

And I thought I had a friend,
I thought I had a lover who had a gentle hand,
Rather than a tongue made of silver thread,
So one after another, the tears I shed,

And I’m being sewn into a quilt of myself,
False Representations are the patterns we use,
And my hope is imbued into the emerald felt,
That is used to seal me into this abuse,

And if only you knew how i’m losing this war,
If only you knew that my personal hell has an open door,
Waiting and waiting, for someone to hear me scream,
Waiting and waiting, for you to rip open the seams,
But I learned a lesson that day,
That not every ocean will have a bay,
So I stand here in defeat, only to fight, rinse and repeat,
I learned that not everyone you meet will leave you complete,

Not everyone you love will stay
Not everyone you trust will be loyal,
Some people only exist,
As examples of a life that is soiled,

And some days I feel it all at once,
Some days I feel nothing at all,
I don't know what's worse,
Drowning beneath the waves or dying of thirst,

I think to myself,
How I wished upon fountains of stars,
Let my dreams come from the shelves,
But it was just a world of wars,

Sometimes I wonder,
How sweet it must be,
To feel all the pain at once,
Then sink into an endless sleep,

So tell me,
One cut,
Two cuts,
Three cuts,
Four,
Tell me…...what's one more?

Sometimes depression comes
Do not move furniture
Do not prepare a bed for it
Do not cook foods that clasp the air tightly in an aromatic embrace
Do not make your house a home for it
And it will leave

Am I insane?
I simply can't tell.
Always chattering away,
but just to myself.

Behind the walls
and underneath the blankets,
there lives a ravenous girl
who dreams up a place
that's not full of loneliness.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **