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I sit on the ground in the bathroom and feel comfortable.
My mind feels at ease because I know no one will enter this place or bother me.
No questions are asked as I lock myself in here, it's less noticeable and because of that it has become my retreat.
I know it sounds weird to enclose myself in place where everyone does their business and showers but it feels better here.
As the overhead fan blows on my face and the sound of my breathing is the only thing that exists I feel less nervous.
For a moment I know I won't be bothered.
For a moment I don't need to answer anyone's questions on why I've locked myself up.
For a moment, I can breathe easily.
Someday you’ll love you.
From the sparkle in your eye,
To the pitch of your laugh,
Even the color of your hair.

You will love every part,
From every wrinkle,
To every crinkle,
Every part of you.

But they will try to tear you down,
To make you frown,
To make you think you’re not worth it.

But darling you listen to me.

From the way you walk,
To the way you talk,
You will be mocked,
But don’t you listen.

From your weight,
To your height,
You are all wonderful to me.

Maybe one day you’ll see,
The beauty I see.
The way you were made,
So beautifully.

But until then,
Do not forget,
On how true beauty,
Comes from within.
I hope one day that you love you the way you deserve. You are worth it ❤
Here I am again

In this bottomless pit of despair

How long have I been here

Months? Weeks? Years?

I've lost count already

This is what I get

For releasing those demons

That I've kept in check

It doesn't bother me

That I've started to drown

From my own folly
I've been going down hill ever since...
You wear leather
As dark as your heart
You speak words
As sharp as a knife

You smell of cigarettes
And sometimes cologne
You wreak of Jack Daniel's
But mostly depravity

You lurk in the shadows
And prey on the young
You desire a girl
But only one night

You tell her your lies
To trick her to stay
And then like a coward
You run away
I've been there, done that.
I was once that girl, but not  anymore.
The silence is suffocating
the demons sneak in through the silence
they scream that I'm
W  o  r  t  h  l  e  s  s
S  e  l  f  i  s  h
N  u  i  s  a  n  ­c  e
N  O  T  H  I  N  G

Shut up, Shut up, Shut up
SHUT UP, SHUT UP
S  H  U  T    U  P

But I stay quiet
even in the most painful moments

Those moments make me want to
S  C  R  E  A  M
M  Y
G  U  T  S
O  U  T

But again, I just stay
q  u  i  e  t
                 j.b.
Ambition breeds strife --
The arm draped round your shoulders
Often wields the knife.
 Aug 2018 Ebiseighe Jonathan
arin
Just a little
Tiny tiny tiny
Don't let them see
It's just a small-medium-large cut
Don't let them know
Throw out your breakfast-lunch-dinner
If they know, they'll scream
Your glass foundation will shatter
They'll leave you behind
You'll be locked away
Do you want to be alone again?
All alone in the dark?
It's quite scary isn't it,
Being alone with me
You know what you must do
Smile
Make promises
Lie
Act calm
Make up excuses
Do what you need to do
Stay out of the spotlight
Avoid
Avoid
Avoid
AVOID
DON'T LET THEM SEE
IT WAS THE ONE RULE
THEY SAW
THEY SAW!
RUN
YOU MUST RUN
GET AWAY
HIDE HIDE HIDE DISAPPEAR
DON'T LET THE FIND YOU
SHRINK SHRINK SHRINK
BECOME SO SMALL THAT YOU CANNOT BE SEEN
KEEP RUNNING
YOU'RE SO CLOSE
JUST A LITTLE CLOSER
LOOK DOWN AT THE CRASHING WAVES
TAKE A DEEP BREATH
RELAX YOUR MUSCLES
J U M P


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OPEN FILE

[YES]             NO


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OPENING FILE


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Name: Alec Crawford
Diagnosis: Depression. Anxiety. Violent Outbursts. Anorexia. Impulse Control Disorder.
Side Notes: Self Mutilation; Keep Patient Away From Objects Capable Of Harm. Occasional Ticks And Fidgets.
DOD: May 14, 2018.
Cause Of Death: Suicide; After Jumping Off Oceanside Cliff, Went Unconscious Upon Impact, Drowned.


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DELETE FILE?


[YES]             NO


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Deletion Complete.


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I said to disappear, right?

Now I'll make sure they never know you even existed.
I think I'm going to continue making little character writings and have multiple parts for each character. Each part will be numbered.

Edit: I never expected this to get as popular as it did... I've been wanting to explain this one for a while now. The DOD was the most recent night that I planned to commit suicide. Instead, I made a character that was a spit image of me and let him do it instead...
 Aug 2018 Ebiseighe Jonathan
Maya
is it normal
to stand in my bathroom
for ten minutes
at 2:20 a.m.
pepper spray in hand
door locked
listening for footsteps
waiting for my breathing
to become less ragged
so i can run into my bedroom
check my closet
and under my bed
for monsters that only
come from my head?

is it normal to stare into the mirror
crying
wondering if that's really you in it
because you don't recognize
your own reflection
after checking behind
the shower curtain at least four times?
there's a reason i never want
to live alone.

is it normal that
even when i am alone
it fees like i am being watched
cameras, mirrors, windows of houses and people on the street.
they're waiting to laugh at me
or ****** me
or kidnap me
or stare at me
the list goes on.

everyone is out to get me
which i know isn't true
but that doesn't make
the feeling
go away.
i see you, government agent reading this.
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