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arin levy Nov 2021
i wish i could go up to that roof in detroit
up the 73 floors to top
i can only imagine the view
how the wind will feel going down
but that’s too much of a mess
too public, i don’t want to bother anyone
so i’ll dress my best like a princess
and fantasize of flower fields
blooming with new life in spring
and pretty pills for pretty girls
that make them sleep forever
only having sweet dreams
no dragons, no thorns

i wonder if they’ll find me
if i go, i’ll miss you
arin levy Nov 2021
the air tickles my skin like static
my stomach cries and my head is pounding
thighs begging again again again
nothing feels real anymore
what did i do to deserve that
i was a kid
i was your kid
why didn’t you love me like you loved them
i’m sorry i remind you of him
i’m sorry
i love you mom
arin levy Jun 2021
i wish that i could write
i wish that i had words worth value
there's simply nothing i can say
that i haven't already said
so i wish for something new
something to write about
something to remember
something as a reminder
why i need to keep living
arin levy Apr 2021
my mouth is sewn shut
sealed closed by barbed wire
that tears my face apart
and makes me recognize myself
less and less every day
when i try to ask for help
while spitting venom
and projecting the fears
that keep me awake
later tonight i will
sit and wait
swallowing tears
hoping something
anything
will knock
me out
every shadow reminds me of you
arin levy Dec 2019
go outside and fill your lungs with smoke
drink one two three four twelve beers
my eighteen year old body will hide and choke
brain rushing and filling with eleven year old fears
running car engine and slamming car door
both will send me running away
age fourteen you're implying i'm a *****
you weren't a good mother much to my dismay
you throw me to the side again and again
then you swear that you really do love me
but i never see how where why when
your claims of love make me laugh
you don't love me with your whole heart
you don't even love me with half
you always wish you could hit restart
it'll be like this until my grave
i wish i could trust you
i wish i could feel safe
but those are jokes too.
why did i have to be the biggest mistake you made
arin levy Nov 2019
skin bean bag chairs are sliced and emptying
the rocking chair of bones creak and splinter
hot tubs filled crimson and boiling
organs in the office soon to be fired
small home in absolute shambles
this is the best it's been in years
although seen obscene
it's the war between
survival
and
revival
arin levy Jul 2019
equivalent exchange
three days of hallow
in exchange for
three days of strength
but there is always
consequences
dizzy stumbling falling
headaches chills fatigue
whether it was the sickness
or my debt to be paid
it was a fair trade
to feel untouchable
unstoppable
capable
godly
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