If i could stop being so lazy and dumb
That would be nice.
Because my dreams are huge
And i am nowhere near it.
For each and every time that i have failed,
I hurt so much
I never really liked to show it
Because its one of my biggest weeakness
Insecurity
Embarrassment.


But there is no one to blame
but me.

When will i ever achieve
Or will i not?

i wish you'd fight for me
for once in your life, go after something and hold onto it
i wish you'd fight for me
and for everything you believe we could be together
i wish you'd fight for me
because maybe, just maybe i could make you happy and all i really wanna see is that happiness you wear so well in your eyes instead of across your teeth.
i wish you'd fight for me
maybe then i'd know for that i am actually wanted the same way i want you
i wish you'd fight for me
so i can stop questioning like a stupid infatuated girl
i wish you'd fight for me
fight for me like i have been fighting myself for you
i wish you'd fight for me
but i know inside you never will.

Pushing people away is an unwanted gift of mine.
If I could though. I would go back in time.
I wouldn't change what I said to him. And I wouldn't change what I did.
I would change what I didn't say to him. And what I didn't do.
I would tell him how much he meant to me. I would hug him more often.
I would tell him his hair was perfect. And I would hold his hand.
Even if I could go back in time. I know I wouldn't change the way I spoke to him. Or the way I looked at him.
I would change the way I didn't speak to him. And the way I didn't look at him.
I would speak lovingly towards him. And I would look at him as if he were my sun.
I would tell him sweet words. And I would look into his soul.
It took me too long to realize all of the things I should have done with him.
It took me too long to realize. If I could go back in time. I wouldn't change a thing.
My Time with him was brief. But it was all I could ever ask for.
It took me too long to realize. He didn't need me. He was better off without me.
So If I could go back in time. I know wouldn't change a **** thing.

Troubled and
Insecure. I'm a
**** up and make mistakes. And I'm
Faced with the consequences
And I wouldn't want it any other way
Not now or ever shall I stray away
Because
Yesterday all my fears- flew away

And trust me baby
I'm not going away

I'm really scared of the future;
especially now that time
is running away with my days.
I feel it as
the minutes match my heart beats,
and the seconds fly by
with each breath I take.
And it feels like I'm one step closer
towards some disaster
or another mistake;
that will do more than I planned for,
and bring about a change.

New skies.
Different faces.
Unfamiliar places.

I felt like I was on a long vacation.

Growing familiarity.
Experience.
Comfort.

I could accept this as my new home.

Airports.
Highways.
Old and new friends.

This story of change will never end.