Hello Daisies

Hello Daisies Jan 7

I forgive you
I do
But right now
You have no clue
I'm too sad
To be near you

I'm overwhelming
I'm nagging
I'm begging and pleading
I'm unbearable
And you're there
Under my skin
Just beneath my grin
It's not the right time
For you to finish my rhymes

We never said goodbye
Now it's hello again
Are we friends
Or is this pretend
I'm so fragile
You have no idea

I say I'm playing it cool
Then call you like a fool
No answer
No answer
I realize
My crazy banter

Then you text me a day later
And all is fine
But I'm out of my mind
I miss you
I always did
But it's deeper than that
I'm a lost kid

I'm sick and afraid
Alone and ashamed
Desperate for comfort
Desperate for compassion
I run to you
I run and run
And plunge into your soul
Never wanting to let go
But you don't want to be that close
Again

I understand, old friend
That's smart
That's who you always are
But I'm fragile
I'm broken
Looking for old pieces
Hiding in familiar faces
To tape me back up
To keep me standing
Life is so demanding

And I'm missing the main piece
I can't be put back together again
After losing you the first few hundred times my friend
I think it was finally my end
Then again
Here I am
I'm just fragile
And broken
Wondering if you'll be there with me
Again

Uh it's late idk I wrote this one on the fly don't judge *** I don't think it makes sense hahaha

#friends #love #broken #lost #forgiveness #amends

Hello Daisies Jan 7

Hopeless

When your tears feel like blood
Falling down your face
Burning in place
When your heart feels like
Pain
aching every beat
Breaking
Faking
Shaking

When you can't remember
Why you're alive
Why you would want to be
Everything is gloomy
Everything is nothing

When the snow falls and it's magical
Then melts the next day
Grey sludge
Gross and out of place

When you beg for someone
To be your friend
Someone to let you play pretend
Let you laugh
Let you know it'll be ok
Let you feel for once
What you used to on a lovely autumn day

I'm alone
I'm always so alone
I'm sick
Chronically
Mentally
Unforgivablely
Who did I hurt
To deserve this

I can't even pretend anymore
Life can be better
People care
People love me
No,
I'm alone
I'm *****
I'm pathetic
And weak
I'm almost thirty

My life is empty
I'm barren
I'm godless
I'm hopeless
And diseased

I beg for you again
Please, won't you be my friend
Look at me
Oh God please
Don't look at me
I'm weak
I'm so weak
I'm begging
I can't stop begging
Why can't I heal
Why must I break
Why must I sit alone
And bleed
From my face
Everyday
Alone
In every way
No laughter
No joy
No dancing
Just
Destroyed

My life is a hospital bed
I'm the disease
Everyone else is lead
I'm poisoned by them
But I want more
I lay not on the bed
But the floor
Put the medication in my IV
save me
Oh I beg so deeply
Save me from this life
I want to die
I wish to live
What more can I ******* give

The doctors never listen
They only demand
Money money
Then let you know firsthand
You don't matter
You are nothing
Shut up and go away

And so I listened
And I stayed
In my hell
Where the snow
Only last but a day

I'm so tired of living life just to go to another doctors appointment or have another surgery

#sad #chronic #ptsd #emotional #depression #sick #doctors

Hello Daisies Jan 7

Curing the deepest wound

Closure
Peace
Reconnecting
And falling apart

It's all part of the art
The chess game
The mess
Apart of stress

I digress
I see now
I believe now
No going back this time
I can not be your best friend
It's truly the end

Three years I died
Three years I cried
I kept lying to myself
I'm fine
I'm not dying
I'm done crying
I hate you
I hate us
It was never enough

You were a true love
We looked at the stars above
We were shining stars
Glowing and radiant
We burned out
Exploding and permanent

I see now
I think I really do
You're apology
It was true
But you are still
You

I can move on now
I miss us
I really do
But moving on
Doesn't mean it'll stop
It just means understanding
Why it had to stop
It still hurts
But not as much

Thank you for your apology
Thank you for seeing me
For missing me
Thank you for the time spent
The magic lent
Everyday with you
Was beautiful
Sparkling and flying
It ended with crying
But we're no longer dying

I see it now
I really do
You are you
It's something I can't undo
You are selfish
You are an addict
You make bad choices
But mean no bad behind it

It's who you are
And this is who I am
When I was around you
It's all you would do
You hurt me
But you never meant to
It's who you are

You didn't say this
You probably don't know it
But it's who you are
You are selfish
You are reckless
And I don't think it'll ever change

We can't be friends
But it hurts less
It hurts less
It really does
I hugged you one last time
Or maybe not
But for now
It's what we've got

A better goodbye
Then three years ago
It didn't end in tears
Or fears
Just friendly talk about the years
You said let's hang out
Then never called again
It's how you are
I know how you think
Dear old friend

So you do you.
And I'll do me
I'll never hate you
And you'll always miss me
Our souls still connected in destiny
But apart for all we can see
It's okay
I know it is now
So you go ahead and leave town
And I'll keep you around
In my heart
Right where you
Belong

Actually a week after I wrote this i saw them again and we laughed and cried and reminisced. I'm not sure what to do with this but it's nice to heal

#friendship #love #heartache #forgiveness #confused

Jan 7

Cassian

My heart

A place for you is in my heart

A hole forms when we're apart

Your hand is all mine needs

As you're more important

Than the very air I breathe

Hello Daisies Nov 2024

Who am I

My biggest dream
When I was little
Surrounded by those so brittle
Was relationships
Love
Everything in between
And above

Now that I'm older
I found them
I've had my heart stolen
I've seen stars above
And wonders around
Til I ended up on the ground
Heart broken

Then again
Evermore
I found a dream love
Rough at first
Hard to tame
Now we're changing
Our last names
Soft and plush
Endless lush

Now what?
What do I do
What do I be
Am I happy?
Who is me?
I spent years alone
Some ok
Most with stones
I thought I knew
Me
I thought I knew
Destiny

Am I God's child
Am I young and wild
Am I caged and broken
Sickly and bedridden
What's my purpose
What's my goal
Will I ever know

Is having fun enough
Is being in love enough
Why do I feel so rough
Am I a mother in waiting
A loner always hating
A musician and poet
Lost at sea before you know it

I'm coasting
The shoreline of life
Ive lived some
But who do I become
Years stolen
Now constantly
Unknown
Fun and comfort
Fighting for health
Is this my wealth?

I think everyone feels empty
Or mostly.
I feel ghostly
Barren and cold
Dead to any life shown
Emotional and overblown
If this is normal
That's devastating
I want a goal
I want to know
Is God real
What is it that I feel
Am I failing God
Am I failing me
What's destiny

I'm bored
I'm empty
Like once before
A child wishing for plenty
She still hasn't gone
I'm terrified
This is where she stays
And forever belongs

A constant sad song

I have so much to love
Yet so much to grief
I want a reprieve
I want a happy tune
A beautiful moon
A snowy night
No more goodbyes
I want to know myself
And my life
I want to own it
I want to know God
And all there is

I want to find bliss
No more emptiness
That child is scared
Every night
Every day
It's hard to breathe

Someone
Or rather myself
Please show me
Show her
The way
What to do
Everyday

Sometimes my life feels meaningless and empty. .

#lost #life #careers #love #children #sad #confused

Hello Daisies Nov 2024

Reminisce

Sometimes I'll hear a song
A lovely song
And tears will come to my eyes
Happy tears
Never a sigh
As I go back through time
With you

It's funny to me
Those memories
Hit me head on
So suddenly
I can't remember what I did yesterday
But five years ago
I can recall the very thing you
Said

Those first nine months
The flirting
The pranks
Halloween
To Valentine's day
The laughter
And denial
Our relationship
On trial

We won

I remember
Being stunned
You kissed me
Being frozen
When you asked me
The pink fluffy hoodie
Jumping around like a ghost
Will we or won't we?
Who knows

Everyone knew
I did too
Did you?
Silly goose
I remember it all
It hits me hard
It's beautiful
It's like fall
Except I didn't fall
I flew
Into you
Into us
Into chemistry
And love

Those first nine months
Our love story
It was romantic
It was tragic
It was epic
And magic

I'll never forget those moments
They'll always be
The best thing
To ever happen to
Me
I love you
I treasure everyday with you
But I love to reminisce
About the sweet romance
That started our bliss

Always and forever
We'll be together

❤️

#love #relationship #romance #memories #nostalgia #music #magic #epic