do you ever feel like your incapable of loving,
because you feel like you could never love someone like you used to love another?
like your fear has made a bar that you can touch but not surpass,
like nothing will ever match how you used to feel?

You keep on running back to her
like a dog at dinner
you keep on running back to her,
banging on her door till she answers.
You know so much about her, yet you have yet to learn that her love for you is not pure.
You are so consumed by her beauty that it doesn't matter.
Her wrongs turn into rights,
her reds into yellows,
her deep brown eyes freezing you in time.
Her Love is so sinful,
yet you keep tugging on her rope till she falls down with you.

I like to forgive people
even if they do me wrong
because what right do I have not forgiving,
when my Father knows every single thing that I have done wrong,
but yet has forgiven me for all of them?

In my prayers I ask God to release me from my anger
my anger towards people,
my anger towards the world.
Because to be frank,
I don't want to live an angry life.
I don't want to live a life full of anger and hate.
I want to live in a perfect world, but I know that is not possible, for mankind makes all kinds of different mistakes.
So instead I trust God, I trust his plan, and because I have that trust, I know that everything will be okay.
Life will be okay with those different mistakes, as long as I trust.

Look back and thank God.
Look Forward and trust God.

Jade,
do you know how much you have changed me?
You have changed me so much,
and as you start to fade away, I have this conflicting feeling of if I want to remember it or not.
I connect you with the person I was before.

Jade,
Ill remember you when you pop into my dreams.
Ill remember you when theres nothing else to think about.
through sad old songs,
through poems and letters,
through grass and flowers,
Ill always remember you as my first love.

Have you noticed how once we start getting happier,
we tend to write less?
atleast I do.
I think its because all we ever do is complain.
and once theres nothing to complain about,
theres really nothing to talk about, nothing to write about.
I guess you could take that as a good thing,
or maybe a bad thing.

I remember crying waterfalls in my bed,
struggling to get out,
and then Jesus came.
Jesus saved me.
I accepted Jesus's grace,
and i finally understood.

I think that I know that it was all ment to be.
No,
I believe.
I believe that it was all ment to happen.
That God closed that door because he knew I couldn't,
And that if he was the right one,
Our love would never have failed.
But because it did, I know that it was never love.