It arrives,
Unnoticed, unannounced.

Quiet,
At first.

Slow,
Seeping, dripping.

I put it down to a few stressful weeks.
I carry on.

It unpacks,
Worries, anxieties.

Gently,
For now,

Tiptoes,
Whispers, creaks.

‘It will leave soon’ I think ‘It always does.’
I keep going.

It settles in,
Getting comfortable.

Getting louder,
And louder.

Banging thoughts,
Insomnia.

‘Please don’t be happening again’.
I shuffle along my daily routine.

Claws in,
Insidious.

Screaming,
24/7.

Shame, worthlessness,
Hurt.

‘Please go away’.
I’m barely coping.

Growing roots,
Into my brain and heart.

Blossoming pain,
With every beat.

Emptiness, loneliness,
Abandonment.

Silence, Stillness,
‘I can’t move, I can’t cope.’

Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling

𝓦𝓮 𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓴, 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵...
          𝓦𝓮 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓽, 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓘 𝓽𝓮𝔁𝓽.

𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸...
         "𝓘 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓪 𝓯𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝔂𝓸𝓾."

𝓣𝓪𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪 𝓯𝓸𝓸𝓵...
         𝓓𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓽𝓾𝓷𝓮

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come