I Hate You.















There, I said it.

I never understood the sentence
"I have my heart in my mouth."
Not until I tasted it,
not until I spit it,
not until the words got stuck in my throat
because I felt a weight on my mouth that didn’t let me breathe.

I didn’t understand the sentence
until I felt my chest empty
and its beating on my neck.
Until I cried because I couldn’t even talk.

I didn't understand what
"Having your heart in your mouth"
meant
until I found it there
and I had no one to turn to.

Nausea slowly creeps in
The spiral takes you down and down and down
Or maybe you’re just where you started
And all the debris is spinning around you

You can grasp at the threads
But it will just unravel more
You can try and find the end
But you never will
The string just gets thinner and thinner and thinner

Either way its out of your control
Its turtles all the way down

scars mark my wrists like visible stains

the stubborn remains of my pain ridden days

young me, oh so free, my innocent reign

forgotten, so rotten, while my inside decays

I can feel the eyes, sense them watching
I cover my ears but still hear
So I watch myself closer
Hide away completely
Close my mind, emptied
Sit alone and
Wait till I
Can just
Break

Let me sink into the earth’s warm touch
Below the wailing willows roots
And be reborn into one
Single daisy blowing
In the autumn air
For life repeats
And nothing
Is the
End

I love you when you are happy
I love you when you are sad
I loved you yesterday
And I'll love you tomorrow
More than i previously had.

I love you in the moonlight
I love you in the storms
I love you the way
Roses love thorns.

I love you in autumn
I love you when leaves gloss
I'll love you the same way
Grief loves loss.