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Dec 2023 · 112
Venom
Evie Helen Dec 2023
You protected me when I was small,
You talked away my nightmares.
Stood up to the darkness,
And taught me I was safe there.
You were my hero and my best friend,
The man I trusted most.
Back when I was small,
Before you got so lost.
Now you won’t stand up for me.
Now I’m bigger than you.
Now you take orders from another,
I’m losing sight of you.  
You drink her venom freely,
Even when it spits on me.
You don’t care if it burns my skin,
As long as you dont see.
I miss that man,
I miss my hero.
It makes me sad,
It’s hard to swallow.
Dec 2023 · 241
Freedom and loneliness
Evie Helen Dec 2023
Freedom and loneliness
Sundown’s sickened sisters
Twilight’s troubled twins
Midnight’s melancholy muses
I can never tell them apart
And therein lies their beauty
Dec 2023 · 1.5k
Love spell
Evie Helen Dec 2023
With my hips I sign my name
Into your pleasure,
Deeply,
Slow.
I cast my spell into your breath
And watch you fall
Below.
You’re sinking into me whether you
Like it, or you
Don’t.
Admit your love, succumb to me
My love, don’t sink
Just float.
A true story
Dec 2023 · 107
Choose me
Evie Helen Dec 2023
They say that women,
Search for love and choose the right one.
But men just take whoever is
In front of them when they’re ready.
So if I never leave,
If I’m always in front of you,
Maybe when you’re ready,
You’ll choose me.
Nov 2023 · 245
Backwards
Evie Helen Nov 2023
Serenity won’t sit comfortably
Peace won’t be palatable
Calm isn’t comprehensible
Sleep never quite settles
Chaos is collaborative
Complication celebrates me
Sadness sits in my favourite chair
I am backwards but I am trying to turn
Nov 2023 · 402
Siren song
Evie Helen Nov 2023
If I lure myself to a watery end
Does that make me the siren
Or the sailor
Am I another victim of the myth
Or am I mythical
The strong or sorry swimmer
If I fill my lungs with salt and foam
Will a song arise
Or a final fateful splutter
Sink or swim
Breathe or falter
Nov 2023 · 1.3k
Reading to music
Evie Helen Nov 2023
Soft lyrics billow from the next room,
Wrapping their syllables around my body.  
Drenching my skin in warm, buttery tunes.
Floating behind the words on the page,
As I watch the stories unfurl from my book.
Sometimes I forget that I’m reading,
I can see everything as clearly as the island
From my beach on a still July morning.
My eyes stop seeing and my fingers
no longer turn the pages,
I am part of the tale.
Engulfed by the stark poetry of being alive.
A passive, invisible witness to the lives of the characters,
As they run across my mind and live onwards in my imagination.
A little outpouring of how it feels to be lost in a good book with some relaxing music playing in another room
Nov 2023 · 833
Thick silence
Evie Helen Nov 2023
Silence like treacle
Dripping on my ear drums
Drumming sweet beats that
Match my slowing breath
Thicker than blood and
More rancid than bile
Sitting on my forehead
And telling me to sleep
Someone say a word in this
Congealing quiet night
Make shapes with your mouth
And speak directly to my soul
I have no idea what this is actually about, enjoy
Oct 2023 · 751
My Teddy
Evie Helen Oct 2023
It’s been a year now since I held your life.
Over a year since I saw you leave me.
Over 12 months since I let you go,
I wish I hadn’t.
I wish I’d kept you close,
Given you some dignity and
A real place to rest.
My numb shock sent you out to sea.
I have a space within me where you were,
A space that I can’t fill for now.
But I will hold your name in my heart,
Till I can make you a family.
Living souls to cling to,
Heartbeats to meet you at the shore.
And say…
’Hello Teddy, we never forgot you’
A very personal write, this one is dedicated to my angel. The little life I didn’t know existed until it was gone 🤍
Oct 2023 · 635
Pretend, pretend, pretend
Evie Helen Oct 2023
If you don’t love me
But you care if I live or die
PRETEND, Pretend, pretend
Make me believe you’re mine
Oct 2023 · 98
God help me
Evie Helen Oct 2023
God if there is such a thing
Then save me from this man
God if you are listening
Help him love me if he can
God if you made me, help me
Help me to relieve my pain
God if he feels nothing, show me
Reveal if love is feigned
God tell me you can do something
God teach me to let go
God keep me calm and soft
God help my heart go slow
Oct 2023 · 116
Cheap
Evie Helen Oct 2023
You cant make your worth known
To those who would steal it
By giving a freebie to any who feel it
Your soul is expensive as is your mind too
So to cheapen your time is to cheapen you
Oct 2023 · 1.8k
I belong to the sea
Evie Helen Oct 2023
I belong to the far reaching sea,
I will have nothing if it will not have me.
I am born of the froth, and the waves marching strong.
I will die with the salt, and the fish all in throngs.
I have only one truth that I know to be true,
The ocean won’t falter when fickle men do.
Of all of the things I think myself to be,
Of just one I am sure,
I belong to the sea.
Oct 2023 · 127
Familial gratitude
Evie Helen Oct 2023
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude
I am loved  
I love
I care and am cared for
I help and I am helped
This love is all the love I will ever need
I am they
And they are me
Oct 2023 · 125
Dopamine
Evie Helen Oct 2023
You’re the drug no one  forced me to take,
Warming my brain,
Numbing my pain.
Your sweet, soft remedy used to last weeks,
Now my hours are long,
And I’m singing our song.
These days I can’t feel if it isn’t with you,
Catching my breath,
Sad little death.
My pleasure was short lived but now it is gone,
With truth I broke trust,
Now it’s over for us.
Oct 2023 · 139
Grey
Evie Helen Oct 2023
I love the colour grey
In an October sky
In the evening sea
In a clouded, misted moonlight
I love to wear grey
I love it’s simplicity
It’s like a cool embrace
After a dip in cold water
I love the colour grey
I love how it warms my soul
Oct 2023 · 212
Twisted root
Evie Helen Oct 2023
I am a twisted root
Bent in broken directions
So that now
The sweetness can’t get to my leaves
And my tree is dying
Sep 2023 · 582
Goodbye
Evie Helen Sep 2023
Goodbye to my broken man,
Your healing is not mine.
Goodbye to my happy drug,
I bet one day I’ll be fine.
Sep 2023 · 100
Pretend
Evie Helen Sep 2023
Her: could you pretend to love me?
Maybe just for a few hours?
You don’t have to give up other girls or ever buy me flowers.
Could you just let me sleep and maybe hold me for a while?
You wouldn’t have to feel it,
You don’t even have to smile.
Just maybe let me feel like I am safe and play pretend.
Tell me I’m your favourite and it doesn’t have to end.
Would you mind just doing some of that?
Just sometimes, not all day.
Would you mind it if I pretend with you?
Would you hate it if I stay?
Him: …
Sep 2023 · 485
Rain and paper
Evie Helen Sep 2023
Time waster,
Wine taster.
Covert lover,
Losing cover.
Rude creator,
Crude spectator.
Secret liar,
Limping sigher.
Companion seeker,
Slowly cheaper.
You and I are,
Rain and paper.
A little list about how it feels to be the one falling in love with the one who will never love back
Sep 2023 · 635
I hate you
Evie Helen Sep 2023
I hate you so much
Because I love your stupid face
I hate it when you text me
Because I wait for it all day
I hate it when you lie
But I’ll still come back for more
I hate that we have fun
Because I wish you made me bored
I hate you in the morning
When I wake up from my dreams
I hate that you’re in every one
I can’t escape it seems
I hate you in the evening
When your face keeps me awake
And I hate you with each and every
Single breath I take.
But I actually love him though
Evie Helen Sep 2023
Midnight,
Mid July,
Even 22 degrees at night,
A full moon illuminates my home ,
Beams silver white on the Solent,
Hot and drunk from the lambrini I drank from a plastic cup,
Pebble pushed footsteps crunching my air force 1’s into periglacial river gravel,
cockle shells and swell softened glass dented by my progress.
St Moriz medium dark tan mingling with the scent of the black Schwarzkopf cloaking my mousey brown roots.
A warm breeze tangling my lash extensions.
The night is at peace with itself,
I am disguised as someone else.
Juxtaposing each other like two parts of myself I could mention.
Evie Helen Sep 2023
If I ever die at the side of the eastern road,
Where the broken bumpers and crisp packets collect,
Where the snow is shovelled into grey slush streams,
Please don’t buy the garish posie from the petrol station,
Don’t buy my memory a card factory teddy bear,
Leave the cards’ platitudes and poems on the shelves at Clinton’s,
Leave the lamp posts and road signs alone,
Pack up your sympathy, take it all home to your mums house.
Remember me as the girl that made you laugh,
Unpack your tears if you have them and give them to your pillow,
Give them to Facebook if you must, or give them to your friends.
I promise I’d do the same for you,
Unless you’d rather be remembered by straggling tinsel clinging to a lamp post by one piece of damp, desperate sellotape.
By wilting white roses dropping sad brown petals onto chewing gum tainted tarmac.
Unless you’d like to be known as the man whose name is scrawled in biro inside of a cheap card blutacked onto the sign for the Havant bypass.
In which case I’ll drag my sympathy to Clinton’s, to card factory and my closest petrol station.
I’ll say goodbye to the tune of sirens and rattling sainsburys lorries.
Then cry alone each time I drive past your withering memorial and try to remember to clean it up next week.
Sep 2023 · 76
Delusion
Evie Helen Sep 2023
I must have a backwards heart,
Or at least a broken brain.
You told me you can’t love me,
But you’ll have to tell again.
You assure me with your words,
And then with careless actions too,
That falling for me is just something you will never do.
But still I can’t and won’t believe,
That you don’t feel like me.
You can’t tell me any other girl,
Visits you in your dreams.
If we are not in love then explain to me my dear,
Why our bodies fit together and your absence I can’t bear.
Convince me I’m the only one that feels so safe and whole.
Manipulate my mind as you’ve done to my heart and soul.
Insist that your hand wasn’t made to rest upon my thigh,
That it doesn’t mean a thing when your eyes knowingly meet mine.
You’ll have to put the work in to persuade me it’s not true.
Or I’m sorry but I have no choice,
I’ll just keep loving you.
It’s not unrequited exactly, but it’s certainly not reciprocated either.
Sep 2023 · 83
Sunday night
Evie Helen Sep 2023
Just twenty minutes
Laying on your sofa
My head on your chest
Your hand on my rib cage
Feeling your breath
Moving in my hair
Feels like a lifetime of love
And that’s why I can’t
Give you up
Just another silly poem about that idiot I’m in love with
Sep 2023 · 228
Heart beat
Evie Helen Sep 2023
What is there to pump my blood?
 I am devoid of heart and love.
Why do I care about my face,
And slaving for a brief embrace?
The only touch I crave is death.
The coldest skin, a rattled breath.
I’ve felt all that there is to feel.
The deepest pain, their pinching steel.
I’ve smiled and I have sliced my skin,
Religiously let demons in.
Invited them into my soul,
To take me with them when they go.
Regret for every choice I make,
I never cared what was at stake.
So what is there to get up for?
I won’t be what I was before.
Sep 2023 · 111
Al fresco
Evie Helen Sep 2023
I hide my limp as well as I can,
Whilst my Lacoste trainers bite at my heels.
I try to look like I know what I’m doing,
Striding along central London streets,
A hidden google map at my side.
The sun is too hot to wear makeup…
Or socks as it happens which is why I have blisters.
Dodging past women in laboutins and men in suits,
I think to myself,
It’s lunchtime for the rich.
All of the restaurants are too expensive for me,
And they’d all want to eat me alive.
So I find some shade on the grass at Finsbury circus gardens.
I release my stinging feet from their white leather prisons,
And ground myself.
Whilst eating an egg sandwich out of a tinfoil wrapper,
I breathe a sigh of relief.
Exhaling my earlier fear,
I lived another day.
Sep 2023 · 251
Dream man
Evie Helen Sep 2023
You spin dreamscapes across my mind
You weave a skyline made of satin clouds
You burn me with flames made of stars
And keep me in your pocket
Safe and sound
In my imaginary world you created
Evie Helen Sep 2023
What a beautiful morning to be
In Jacobstow cemetery
Just sixteen degrees
Dew on the grass and trees
A damp wooden bench beneath me
And quiet souls around me
Taking in the scripture
Carved in moss covered stone
Nodding good morning to
The families long gone
Dandelions flick their mottled homes
As insects comfort resting bones
I could sit here every morning
And never feel alone
Aug 2023 · 219
The devil I know
Evie Helen Aug 2023
Better the devil you know
They say
Better get watered to grow
But wait
You’d better be careful and think
She warned
You’d better be quiet and shrink
Or else
They’ll find someone better and leave
You there
But maybe you’re better alone than shared
A poem about the irresistible, incomprehensible, irritating reality of being in love with men who won’t love you back
Aug 2023 · 101
I only write when I’m sad
Evie Helen Aug 2023
I only write when I’m sad
But I suppose it is not all that bad
For if I only create
When I feel desolate
Then there is much creation to be had
I’m sad a lot, so I write a lot 🤣 yay
Aug 2023 · 103
Bluranges
Evie Helen Aug 2023
Sitting on cold pebbles
watching the sunset
over the sea in December
Makes me wonder
That if I live my life
As close to the sun
And the ocean as I can
Will I become those rippling
Blues and oranges
When I go?
I hope so
Aug 2023 · 86
Quarter life crisis
Evie Helen Aug 2023
By now I thought I’d be
Much more
A partner, a mother
I thought I’d be sure
Of my picket fence life
My role as a wife
An impressive career
A stable idea of the
Road ahead
Or else I’d be dead
But somehow I’ve ended up
In this limbo
And I have become
A loose moralled *****
With no idea where it all
Went wrong  
And no plan in sight
of how to go on
Aug 2023 · 394
Mother 🤍
Evie Helen Aug 2023
The arms that held me
The hands that slaved
The eyes that watched
The heart that gave
The voice that told me
‘I know you can’
The dreams that held me
Before I met land
The laugh that taught me
It’s good to be fun
The warnings I heard
That meant done is done
The love I have known
With strength like no other
The woman I’m blessed
To have as my mother
A little ode to my wonderful mother
Jul 2023 · 622
Alone marrow
Evie Helen Jul 2023
Sadness lives in my bones
It’s settled in my marrow
Happiness is harrowing
Like a fracture
That never healed
Entrapped pain
Within my structure
Never to feel whole again
I only write when I’m sad
Jul 2023 · 523
Sham
Evie Helen Jul 2023
Love is a sham and
I am what I am
Said me to myself
And I
I don’t understand and
I will not withstand
This criminal
Evil lie
I can’t and I won’t and
I just simply don’t
Want to live if living
Hurts so
I may just check out and
I won’t cry or shout
I’ll just quietly get up
And go
Jul 2023 · 107
Love for show
Evie Helen Jul 2023
The cruel irony in my nonchalance
When I gave you the space to move
The cruel trick in your ignorance
When you made me believe in love

One word to all your friends and
The same word to your mother
But difference in your words to me when you kept me under cover
You say it just is not that complicated
in your mind
But did you stop to think about
how it would sound in mine?

You labelled me with love and took it back all in one breath
Then expected me not to be shocked when your kindness died a death
I think I deserve answers and a reason for the cold
For honestly my fickle man for child’s play we’re too old.
Jul 2023 · 491
Almost boyfriend
Evie Helen Jul 2023
Try to imagine and
Try to perceive
What your actions must feel like
To someone like me
I can’t be fighter
I’ve tried to be strong
I move on and say I don’t care
But I’m wrong
There’s something about your stupid face
That makes me feel safer
And like I’m in place
You’re reckless and silly
You’re just immature
But for some reason
I just keep missing you more.
Jun 2023 · 319
ADHD 2
Evie Helen Jun 2023
And there I go again
Deciding upon the worst way to
Hurt myself so that I don’t feel
Dead
Jun 2023 · 154
Happy little lie
Evie Helen Jun 2023
Picture me stood on my favourite rock
Picture me in the sun
Picture me with drink in hand
When I'm dead and gone
Tell me that I'm beautiful and always get it right
Tell me I am wise, then lie and
Tell me I can fight
Keep me in your thoughts as something real and something pure
Keep me as a secret and
Keep me lonely yours
I want to be alive and real and tangible by your side.
But really I'm a dream, a thought, a happy little lie.
Jun 2023 · 269
ADHD 1
Evie Helen Jun 2023
Actually I haven’t
Decided just yet
How I will
Doom myself today
Jun 2023 · 504
Unsent messages
Evie Helen Jun 2023
‘Don’t you miss me?’
Said the girl to her phone.
‘Wouldn’t you rather be here than alone?’
‘Don’t you dare text him’
Say her friends, and she won’t.
But she wishes he would so that she could let go.
‘Will he try harder?’
Like she did, she wonders.
Innately she knows that he won’t, she slips under.
‘Am I that unlovable? Why can’t they love me?’
She sits on her bed and cries tears that aren’t seen.
Jun 2023 · 1.2k
Curling
Evie Helen Jun 2023
Curling I knew you
Curling I waited
Curling we reunited
Sleeping you met me
Sleeping you loved
Sleeping you lied and wasted
Reeling I tried
Reeling I changed
Reeling I sacrificed
Lazing you lost
Lazing you ruined
And lazing you’ll stay forever
About a man
Dec 2022 · 247
Guilt trip
Evie Helen Dec 2022
I wish I could tell you,
I wish I could describe,
The way my soul feels rested,
From one glimpse of your smile.
I wish I knew the protocol,
I wish I knew the rules,
But nothing could prepare me,
For how you've made me your fool.
One touch from you gives me more energy,
Than hours and hours of sleep.
Your kisses are my favourite secret,
I don't want to keep.
In your arms I feel safer,
than I ever have before.
Any day without you leaves me empty to my core.

I know it should be wrong,
And I know you're not my own.
But something in me sees something in you as just like home.

I know you feel how I do too,
Or else I wouldn't say...
I want to make you feel loved,
and be loved by you each day.
Nov 2022 · 452
Love or lie
Evie Helen Nov 2022
If I told you that I love you,
Would you ever speak to me again?
If I never spoke to you again,
Would you realise that you love me?

I’m terrified to try either so I’ll stay in the middle.
Trapped between being your love and your stranger.
Unrequited love is the most brutal kind
Nov 2022 · 239
Things I’m bad at
Evie Helen Nov 2022
Boundaries
Saying no
Self respect
Moving slow
Sensible drinking
Eating enough
Sleeping schedules
Calling their bluff
Saying goodbye
Letting go
Forgiving myself
Staying at home
Telling the truth
Falling in love
Reading whole books
Acting tough
Playing sports
Doing maths
Waking up early
Avoiding his wrath
About the only things
I am able to do
Are make bad decisions
And regret them too
Nov 2022 · 199
The loneliest
Evie Helen Nov 2022
The loneliest feeling
I have ever felt
Was laying awake
Next to a sleeping man
Who didn’t care
Nov 2022 · 177
Head and heart
Evie Helen Nov 2022
Midnight
Mid July
Even 22 degrees at night
Moonlit walk
Beams on the ocean
Hot and drunk from sweet cheap wine
Pebble pushed footsteps
Fake tan and hair dye
A fresh breeze in my lash extensions
The night and I juxtapose each other
Like two parts of myself I could mention
Nov 2022 · 153
25
Evie Helen Nov 2022
25
Turned 25
Disappointed to find
That I’m still the same girl
The one who can’t hide
From needing validation
Love self deprecation
And never on her own side

Turned 25
And was sad to find out
That I still don’t love love
That I’m better without
Despite being desperate
To feel something affectionate
And never really knowing why

Never grew up
I still love finding seashells
And feathers on the beach
Fathers to meet
Despite all my history
I think no one would miss me
If I vanished and changed my name

Never grew up
Collecting sparkles and gift cards
And losing my pills
I can never sit still
Despite diagnosis
And not of psychosis
I feel like I’m losing my mind
Nov 2022 · 136
I’ll be fine
Evie Helen Nov 2022
I’ll be fine
She says
After barely making it home
Without driving her car off a ******* bridge
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