She's smiling
Someone made her eyes glow
I've tried, I guess I can't be that reason

Mine is gone
She's my reason
Yet  I can't smile for them

Cuts on my wrists
hands curled into fists
will i even be missed

Writing a note
i wrote
i love you and it wasn't your fault

That's a lie
i want to die and
its partly your fault

I can't tell you that so i
Sit and i cry

Why do i
Live like this

Will i even be missed

manifesto is not for this creature
politics are a conundrum

poets are simpletons
simply put

I love Ants and Monkeys
to me they are 'community'

along with the soil
and stars and all the moons

I live within their tribes
and I find I am accepted.

I remember sitting with my legs crossed
at an empty parking lot with you.
Burning our lungs,
sharing our deepest secrets at 3am
while I rest my head
on your shoulder that cold summer night.
I sang along our favorite songs
and you wished that time stopped
so we could still be together.

But alas,

You are still too damaged.
You think too much.
You are too practical.
You are not yet ready for anything.

And I’m left confused
and angry
and frustrated
and a little bit hurt, I guess.

So here we are again,
so here we go again.

Who would have thought
that we would actually
burn even faster
than our cigarettes?

                                                    ­                        
 — apbq

I said I wanted to be left alone
Which makes me a liar
You knew that though
You know that loneliness follows me wherever I go
But you didn’t protest
Which I guess proves my point

I promised you I wouldn’t hurt myself again
Which makes me a liar
You must have known that though
I’m not to be trusted with anything sharp
But nothing cuts worse than the words from your mouth
Stinging me hours, days, and months later

I told you was doing okay
Which makes me a liar
But why wouldn’t I lie
When it’s easier for both of us this way
You get to live your fantasy where everything is fine
And I don’t have to be more of a burden
Because I even weigh myself down

I pretended I didn’t need you
Which makes a liar
But after all this time
How could I reach out to you
After I’ve lied all my life
Subtle manipulation to make you think I’m not broken
But I am broken
I think this is all on me
Yet sometimes I wonder how you can’t see the cracks in my facade

I am a liar, but you must be too