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A love that will rip it's self apart if not told whats enough,
end up doing too much but better that then us losing touch. I believed but now
I know, I hoped to bare the weather, prideful, no idea what was is tow: rain,sleep and snow.

A love that was free, turned selfish, my minds on you and I can't help it.
Inhliziyo I have no faith but patience and loyalty so your silence can only annoy me; but when you tell me what's good I make you laugh like a jester and I treat you like royalty.

Funny because now I was feeling like booboo the fool. I need rest, You Just look on when
I sing my song are you deaf-

-silence-

wait This can't be true.
This can't be you

-No wait-

this isn't me, been blaming you a lot recently. we haven't been on the same frequency, We're  always up and down, that's a sine.
I need to disconnect and clear my mind.
haven't had time to meditate, now that's a lie.
I always meditate when I'm silent, write or rhyme.

I do this a lot, darkened visions from the burns and cuts I got, know your not one but I've taken a hit more than once,it wasn't fun, but It had to be done.
You are worth it, a crown but I can't make it right now.
I want to grow with you; Like a tree bares fruits not only flowers, fickle,it looks beautiful, only, in daylight hours.

Let me be wise so I can handle instability,
I learn more about myself for my own sanity.
I had let my light dim not dealing with every thing that life brings.
I had a love for you that was starving because I wasn't truly loving my self enough, that was toxic like lead but now I'm clutch.

No need to write in a rush, but know
I'm sending love
Had time to think whilst not distracting myself with her glow whilst we grow(up). Planning on making this a song
The title is a play on the  words it can be read as :decent love as in the ideal Of Love, dissent Love as in toxic relationship hurting each other over misunderstandings in my case Or the sent  love meaning me reaching out

In my 'trip' series
My timing is bad,
Like a death of a loved one
Seems selfish, a far.
Suspend your disbelief but when emotions are high foresight is low. Revealing my pain to release my chest. Never belligerent
A halo's weight: Heavy.
Unbearably bright, blinding.
Power is a Lens.
Standing in piety. Power is just a lens augmenting what we see and how we see. Think of the relationship between celebrities and thier fans
Behold my face, so serene, I'm every part of the scene;
the crucified, the prosecutor as well the chorus.
When I breath my chests cage shows gaps ,the focus.
Here you are again my parade of pestilence my imbalanced state showing as ailments.
My sides tearing, stress penetrating my skin. Tragic,
Oh how the spear of reproach entangles and dives deep,
Piercing my belly and lets it noxious poison seep.

I beg 'No please do not twist', he then spoke of my dying dreams and loses to the soul.
The knots bind my thought and any move in conciseness has it toll.
The darkness strives for my sight but he knows how to not give it room.
The poisoned tip barley nearly missed my heart , I thought it the end, I relaxed too soon.
The tincture of doubt burns my open sensitive soft non-flesh.
Am I not one of the blessed, where is my place of rest?

The jury spectate from its pedestal, good for nothin but blaming.
His aim was never my life only that which makes it worth living.
His aim was the spark, my soul, the light at the end of the tunnel showing it all, so you don't stay down when you fall.

The earth knows me from My hands, feet and knees.
I rarely pray only spoke if it preceded an action, I fell a lot you see.
Now I walk with caution but my legs can barely take the weight.
My breathing and steps were heavy. you wouldn't have know my pain by my face
This has been my truth I believed it fate.
Early I realized wherever I sat was a throne.
Hubris led me to take on the woes and faults of the world as if they were my own.

The jury clamor great hollow truths, to lessen the sentences existence.
As much as they are valid and grand I see them only as excuses
"You will pain those who you love and love you"
"You will forsake the hopes and dreams in your view"
"You are good, only want the best for everyone "
Was it that ambiguity that lead to my current "wrong"
Seems if you aim to give others happiness you will never win
I know this but I still hurt: it's all starts and ends within.

Woe is me
Been on the darker end of melancholy, A discription of my anxiety/depression attacks recently
Just another lonely bright Dazzled night in the diamond city of the land of gold.
The seasons change feels like a lamentation the autumn wind has never been so cold.

Sigh

Thought these metro lights blinding but I still see your name next to the moon in the stars.
The city's fluxed and curved silhouette,
Spectacular. happy to look, haven't seen you on these streets without occasion like a vintage car.

Sigh

I wonder, Were we moving too fast was it the pressure?
our chemistry had me at my triple point; fluid at times, solid for a minute but heated when we're livid. Aroma like therapy that's why I'm with Mary more, now that you're not near me.

Inhale

Used to be nothing but a product of jozi. a chubby hot boy plus everybody knows me. Well only my role, never my name Ilie man all ways had dat more fiha that's  what I was told. Not innocent but I have a bright soul.

Sigh

It was easier when I was apathetic, I could fake smile, greet enemies like "sho, Fede". the me of yesteryear would snark at my weakness now, but my sight has changed lately.

Inhale

Realize the higher I go the more balance I need, yes, these changes involve you but they are all on me.
A spoken word ment for a performance that never happened due to changes which is ironic. did most of it riding through Sandton . Includes a few South African/Rastafarian slang words such as
Jozi-short name for Johannesburg, South Africa
Ilie man- a man who is sacred/blessed/sanctified
Fiha- good marijuana
Sho, Fede- greetings (my)guy
Hot boy- a young illicit substances distributer

The Train of thought has a direction and many stops, when you're melancholy, but you Learn something at every stop along the line.
Each stanza has a sporadic rhyme scheme to show the sporadic nature of thought
They slumber in their stubbornness, they, alone

They have seen their brethren and extensions lost to the ebenflow

All that is left of themselves is what has not been lost or given.

They have shielded the meek since they left, the safety of the waters, to the bountiful yet perilous shores and banks.

A foot hold for the scenery and possibilities a fort against the storms and heavens tribulations.

Shadows cast, air guided

To be left, alone, I have to leave all I've known or Is known.
I think me a star when I'm only dust.

I try sympathize and synchroniz not knowing I is the disconnect.

I wake in their home surrounded in my stubbornness now they think me my own.

Dust for the young monoliths to grow.
I was in a valley/ canyon in Mpumalanga the air was clear and a storm was a day away.
Medicated and meditated these are some words I remember
Written In a way the stanzas look like peaks in a range.
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