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 Dec 2014 effaced
IvyWithRed
I wake up I get ready for school, skip breakfast, it's hard but I pretend i'm still full, from the dinner I never ate last night, Ana tells me I will be alright, I don't even know, I put on some baggy clothes so that there's none of me to show, my skin, or my bones, I look in the mirror I don't see myself I see what I used to be, I had friends, I wasn't self-conscious, my smiles were real, but that is not me, now i'm almost skinny, Ana says shes helping me become someone better, more improved, I feel like my whole body is bruised, like i'm dying, always lying, "i'm not hungry", I always feel blue, my head is pounding, surrounding my life with Ana, I can't even enjoy one banana, your pulling me in, I just want to be thin. I get on the bus and pretend I don't hear the voices in my head, there's nothing left to be said, I just want to go home and get to bed.
This is basically the way I feel most of the time.
 Dec 2014 effaced
WickedHope
Faintly
 Dec 2014 effaced
WickedHope
I was skin and bones
He told me I was fat
I believed him

I am skin and bones and more now
He tells me I'm fat
I started to believe him again
The other day I was standing in the atrium of my school, when I could feel myself starting to black out. I reached out and called out for help, hoping for a familiar face. But everyone moved away from me, so I collapsed against the wall.

It was the end of the day, I guess they just all wanted to go home...
 Dec 2014 effaced
Suicidal
'If you are fat then what am I?'
No you are mistaken
I do not see others as measurements
that is something I hold to myself
I need to loose weight
for the achievement
for control
for me to feel mentally stable
I need not hear about how
'it's not attractive to be that thin'
because I don't give a ****
 Dec 2014 effaced
bulimic kittens
Nobody noticed it at first
How she was losing weight by the minuet
“I’m not hungry” she always said
But I could see through her little white lies
Because little did she know
But Ana and I were also friends
Mia was my friend as well
Ana told me to skip meals
Mia told me to purge when I didn't
They say,
Hungry to wake,
Hungry to rise
Makes a girl a smaller size
“I’m not hungry” she says
She rehearses that same line everyday
Along with her fake smile
Because she can almost convince others
But convincing herself if the hardest part
this is one of the first poems i ever wrote. please dont judge or hate.
i wrote it about me and my sister,
 Dec 2014 effaced
DC raw love
is it this world or is it just me
or
is it a place of nothing but fantasies

where on a rock spinning in circles
in a space that has no end

so many things
so many places
so many faces

i look at my hand
that makes a fist
always moving
always confusing

i have a tongue
its so small
why can't i bite it
it gets me in trouble

i have a heart
i have two feet
make them move
and they will save me
 Dec 2014 effaced
DC raw love
Why did I do the things that I do
I sometimes wonder why

I have no fact to what I do
Things that I do, drive me insane

Never caring
Never feeling blame

Sometimes hurting someone
Never feeling pain

Why is there no pain?
Why is there no shame?

Never thinking what I do
All I want to do, is change the past

So why do I hold it inside?
Why can’t I release this insanity?

I have to let it go
So I can love again
I didn't want to hurt myself
but the stinging felt better
on my thighs
than it did in my heart
and the burn
of the ***** in my throat
will always taste better than
swallowing down the words
I want to say to you
I'm hungry and hollow
and I just want someone to call my own
I just want someone to hold
and I want us to love each other
you were like a hurricane
you came to me when I was still
young and beautiful and new
but you destroyed everything in me
the storm calmed eventually but it didn't stop raining in my mind so I ran blades along my skin trying to find some part of myself that might still be there but I only bled colors of you so I sent out search parties all over my body
but they where never to be found
cause I guess you took them with you
so much of me lost in you
 Dec 2014 effaced
Bluebird
i have spent too many nights
connecting marks on your back
you have dreamt of flickering lights
we sleept soundly,not knowing that the world is wracked.

we played soundly inside of our world
there we could be what ever we wanted to be
inside our games and innocence i was swirled
so the time you transformed into a woman, i didn't see

now i spend to many nights
trying to bring our time back
do you still dream of our flickering lights
and sleep soundly,now when you know the world outside is wracked?
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