How do I start
What do I say
To explain how you
Take my breath away?
Do I start with your smile?
The way it lights up your eyes
And how that alone turns stormy weather
Into clear blue skies.
I really love it when we talk
And you say always
I don't know why but hearing it
Always makes my day
Do I tell you how I love it,
The way you always seem to care
And how it feels like no matter what
You will be there
I love the way you see through me
And you don't let me be alone
But it's hard because I don't know what to do
Since loneliness is all I've ever known
I love how you don't believe me
When I say that I'm okay
And no matter how hard I push
You don't seem to stay away
You make me feel like I matter
And when I'm with you I can be me
You put up with my stubbornness
And all my insecurities
You remind me what butterflies feel like
And what it's like to believe
That maybe, just maybe
Fairytale can exist for a girl like me.

Loving you is killing me
But darling it's okay
Because I wouldn't have it
Any other way.

i could've done something
i had the chance and then i blew it
we were in the same room, it was only just the two of us

you were slinging jokes back and forth
and laughing way too loudly
because people were asleep upstairs, i didn't want to wake them up

but there would be these silences,
these little moments of nothingness
but not nothingness, more like multitudes of future possibility
that even i couldn't get a grip of.

and eventually,
as i stood there in front of you, inches away.
i thought about every one of those possibilities
and i panicked.



and now i'm left with the repercussions of my own actions.
i'm stuck wondering what would've happened, if i had just
leaned in and kissed you. or told you. or something
that a rational person would do

but i should've done something.
i had the chance, i should've blown it.
we were in the same room, it was only just the two of us.

he wants to hear my compositions
and i don't know what to say.
they're all about him.
about the wounds that he's cut deep into my skin, past my veins, past my bones,
and i can't show that to him. i just can't.

he loves to hear me play,
he says i play like an angel.
that my fingertips float across the keyboard.
and i want to play for him
but i can't, because he sees right through me
in a way that no one else does,
and i can't have that.

how
can i take the only way of properly expressing myself
an expose it?? just like that? it makes no sense.
i would do it for him, hell, i'd do anything for him.
but not now, not here, not when they're all about him.

I am clinging tight on this superficial feeling.
I caught a butterfly and I am keeping it for safekeeping.

It doesn't guarantee an eternal life,
of bliss,
of fruitfulness.
It doesn't even guarantee a year of existence.

But it gives me hope,
of joy, to welcome the day,
It gave me a reason for today.

do not confuse comfort for love
do not mistake the way he makes your stomach twist, for butterflies.
you will learn three months down the line that there is a reason why you are never at ease when he is around.
do not lie to your friends about the way his words grab you by the throat
and stop you from breathing
this is not love.
do not make a home out of a boy who cannot be bothered to be there.
do not make homes out of people.
do not let him cheat you of time.
do not deceive yourself
and take his obsession for love.
do not say yes.
do not let him tear you apart
and mistake his company for building you back up,
if he really ever ******* cared, he wouldn't have done it to begin with.
he only calls you when he's high
and only cares when he has nothing left to lose
do not lose yourself loving him.

I died daily but you resurrected me with every good morning.
I'll tell you that love plucked me like a guitar.
Love made me feel beautiful, but I only got played.

I'll tell you that love cannot do math
because if he did, he'd know that
subtracting himself from the equation would leave me a 0.
I'll tell you that love is a game of tag.
They always end up running away.
I'll tell you that love has engraved his name on my soul
and when I die I'll only see the mark that he's left on me.

I see the stars in your eyes
and the universe in your smile.
I wish I understood
the secret of the galaxies,
just so I could understand how someone
could make me feel this way.