i fear to erode from myself.
the roots are brittle now.
it has been old.
since my birth. to my fall.
and bloom again in esteem.
it looked like home.
the closest home. near me.

// i lived in me.

I want to go back to the night you first kissed me
To tell you not to make me fall in love with you
and to tell myself I shouldn't dream of your blonde hair
Or what would happen if I stayed the night only so that, in the morning
  I'd see how I am not the path you want to follow
Because I have miles of skin marked with bumpy roads you simply can't take because you get car sick soon so you take the first exit
.
I keep walking with chains tied to my legs.
So loud. I can't hide.

You told me all poetry is about *** or God
Because you know that I have a map of your body well memorized in my mind
And I touch your hands like I'm turning the pages of a Bible
A bookmark I forgot about from the chapter in my life when I believed without reservations
But I love you like a sinner because it seems
you are my last chance of paradise

Last night you told me you don't love me anymore
You said you are now into bad girls in leather jackets
Wearing cigarette smoke like perfume
And I stuttered. But stopped.
I wanted to cry but I didn't.
Considered being what you want but
Instead, I showed you a wicked smile while
Thinking of running away to the big city


This morning your words taste like freedom.
And I stay just where I'm at.
Instead, you move to the moon
And I am stargazing on picnic blankets

Lately, I don't know how to make things sound like poetry
And I know I promised I'd stop writing about you
But I can't.

And it's stupid how I wait for 4 am driveway lights
So I can turn over and sleep because I know you are home

But insomnia is now my bestest friend
And I ******* miss you.
I use my voice for the first time in months
Ready to learn how to love you
But your driveway lights are now her's happiness.
I hope her's 'I love you's don't start to sound much more like my 'I'm sorry's.
Funny how
we both settled for half the love.

Mama, can a cat’s milk get spoiled?
I think it can.
Your milk was spoiled.
It made all of my thoughts go bad.
I no longer had balance.
I no longer had confidence.
Love tasted disgusting.
So I purged. I always smell so rotten.
So tell me, momma, how can someone raised on spoiled milk ever be beautiful?
And every bite I take tastes like S.P.O.I.L.E.D. M.I.L.K.
So sick. So comforting.

Mom, can you breathe me back to life?
Can you love me and feed me with rice milk again?
I miss you.
I can tell you all about how rain feels on my skin.
How when the sun shines on me makes my cold sweat looks like little diamonds.
I think I finally get it. Cigarettes are not a proper dinner. Nor is coffee a proper breakfast.
Diamonds on my skin are not precious.
Just wrap me up and tuck me in your pocket.
I promise I will not get your clothes wet.
Just. Don’t. Let. Me. Slip.