I think to be thoughtful
I speak to be heard
I write to decipher
The truth in my words.

I smiled to ensnare you
I laughed to secure
You slipped through the trap
That I built to procure

I kissed to consume you
I hugged to enfold
My arms close on nothing
You're no where to hold

I writhed to entrance you
I clutched you to keep*
Now the place where I hold you
Resides in my dreams.

I write so you'll read this
My hand pens the truth
All that I've written,
I've written for you.

Life is blessed when one is in love,
And I am in love with you.
I am in love with
The way that your eyes
Crinkle at the corners;
The way that your eyes shine
In a special way;
Your freckles
Which are scattered;
The way you're always smiling;
The way your lips move
As you're talking;
The way you move;
The way you act when you're tired;
The way you hold me;
The way your arms fit me,
Like we're two pieces of one puzzle;
The way your hands are made,
Calluses, fingers, palms, and nails;
The way you hold my hand;
The way you place
Tiny kisses randomly
Upon my face;
The way I can lay
On your chest
And sleep so peacefully;
The way you pet me,
Like I am a fragile
Butterfly, which you never
Want to lose;
The way you'll put up with me,
Even when I'm at my worst;
The way you look at me,
As if I'm the most
Beautiful, perfect, or to-be treasured
Person in the world.
But Most of all,
I love the way
You love me.
The way you love me;
Despite my every flaw.
All my baggage,
And yet you love me.

I wander aimlessly,
And people say to me,
"You're gorgeous, and
Pretty, and perfectly
Happy."
But is that because of you?
You weren't there for me,
My Grrandmother raised me,
My mother was M.I.A.
And I would cry.
I understand that
you have problems,
That he hit you, and
Cussed you out, and
Drug you down.
But you kept promising me,
Kissing and hugging and
Crying to me.
But I was little,
Too young to comprehend,
Too Juvenile and naïve
To really understand.
And then it got worse.
I grew up and
Began to see.
No longer blind
I saw
What you had come to be.
My pain began.
You were never
There for me.
My Daddy died
And while I cried
You did drugs with
Men so fowl and snide
and painfully
crude.
I tried to hide
My tears
My cries
My pain.
I died;
A little inside,
Each time you lied.
You promised me you wouldn't
Leave me,
You'd choose me,
But No.
You chose the men,
Time and time again,
Over your kids.
I barely know
My siblings because
Of what you did.
I'm all grown up;
An adult of forty
At the age of fifteen.
Because I helped
Raise the only
Brother you kept
While you acted like
It was you in your teens.
And then February.
It was February,
You almost died
And you don't seem to notice.
You lost your children.
Do you even care?
Life seems good for you,
But those burdens I carry
Were meant for you
To have to shoulder.
Where am I in your
Mind's picture of life?
Me and my brothers
And my sister too?
Oh, Right,
Were right next
To the bible
Laying on your shelf,
Right next to the rest of your dignity.
And P.S.
While I'm at it,
Can you tell me you
Love me,
Just this once,
Like Maybe,
You might really mean
It this time?

Writing poetry about him when my heart was so dead-set on you.

Trying so hard to fall in love with him when I was already in love with you.

Telling you about him in hopes that it would make you jealous.

Writing most of my poems about you.

Seeing you with other girls and a part of me dying every single time.

Every picture, every mention of any other girl that wasn't me. Another piece just...vanished.

Countless nights praying that you'd be mine. That I'd be yours.

Doing every possible thing in my power to have you fall in love with me.

Listening to music and dedicating it to you.

Cuddling with you and watching criminal minds.

You admitting you were actually in love with me on a Friday night and my whole body shaking in disbelief.

Our first kiss, and me anticipating it more than anything before.

The first time I held your hand and knew from that moment that I wanted to hold it forever.

Telling family about us and them putting us down. But me telling you that I didn't care who I had to deal with as long as I had you.

You telling me you loved me and I knew it was something more.

The first time you cried in front of me telling me about your dad.

Seeing you completely and utterly broken and wanting to fix you.

Us telling each other that we planned our lives together. With the promise of forever.

I waited
Just waited
Waiting for the day
When you would text me

"Good morning beautiful"
How I waited for those 3 words
To pop up onto my screen

I waited    
Just waited
But they haven't came

So I wondered
And keep on wondering
Do you even miss me

a month has gone by
Still no word
I'm so crushed
But you don't see                

I hide my feelings
Behind closed screens
I pretend it doesn't bother me
Secretly it's driving me crazy

I fooled around
I had my fun
But none can compare to you

I miss your silly little smolder
The way you held me
I miss the fun times we had
The endless nights we slept together

I can go on forever
I wish it was different
I know it can't be
But if ever you need me
You know where to find me