Today

Corridor
cubicle
knick-knacks...
computer,
chair
co-worker­...

Parking lot
status/car
leather seats
class established
road home...

Modern large, house
many rooms, furniture.
Giant television, computer
game console, throw pillows...
...beautiful wife, luxury bedroom.

Money in stocks, paid-off home
inherited wealth, garden with gnome
butterfly bushes, peonies, sunflowers
life of fulfillment, family of hours...
...everything in life, collected, recorded.

1,000 years later

...dust...


Whom could afford it?

I swear your wingspan can bring man to his knees
but I’ve learned to withstand what it does to me.
We used to be in love, I used to hold her hand
till someone told her fly free so she left me for better land.
She said I love you like a friend. I hope you understand.
No I don’t but I see how you took a younga’ man
unda’ your wing and pulled a couple of strings
like it was all according to plan.
Now I’m not the biggest fan of your antics
but I gotta stand up even if I can’t stand it.
******* it. I know I’m at a disadvantage
but I’ll manage when haven’t I been up to a challenge?
Time to put your hands in. No I won’t be a stand in
but don’t panic man it’s so outlandish for you to think
that I’ll go ghost and vanish on you in a blink of an eye
before I can wash up what you can dish out
oh my gosh I wish you would just quit now while you’re ahead.
I’ll explore the ends of the Earth for my friend.
I’ll return to her once she earns it,
once she deserves it, once upon a time.
Never mind the prior line just discern it
like you did the verdict.
Yeah you heard it and I’m sure it sounds absurd
but at first you found a thirst for the last word.
I heard you mutter ‘*******’ under your breath
and honestly, I’m flattered
to see how much I mattered to you nonetheless.
But promise me that once this all ends,
we’ll still have the strength to make amends
because I said it once before and I’ll say it again.
I said I’ll always love you just like a friend.

© Matthew Harlovic

Sitting in the floor
Pulling my hair
Surrounded by thousands of people
That are not really there.

I feel the bugs on my skin
The thoughts tell me to hang myself
I ask "When"?

Loud noises from the hollow
All in my head
Throwing up the pills I did not swallow.

Oh God, where are you now
I'm going crazy
I'm going to **** myself... Somehow

Wrote a note to my mom
I'm so sorry I said
Eight years ago
I'm still not dead.

* YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS

these days i am
in-between

not a student
yet not a teacher
waiting on a call
an interview
anything

not a lover
yet not a stranger
searching for a friend
a hand to hold
anything

not a tenant
yet not homeless
looking for a flat
a home
anything

all i am
is lukewarm

divorce isn't a breakup
it's a death in the family
two hearts too hurt to make up
and it never ends amicably

it makes every word said, every phrase, every promise ever spoken
sting like lies and sting your pride that you believed and they were broken

it takes from you the ability to believe in the beauty of someone special
when you feel like you gave all you had to give and it ended so regretful

it robs you of all your feelings of safety and comfort and home
it takes from you your confidence, your positivity and leaves you positively alone

it creates a deep hate that takes over and makes you fume anger
it causes the caustic sorrow that darkens every tomorrow and makes everyone a stranger

it makes you question your own value, your actual self worth
it makes you feel that you're not good enough to be loved anywhere on this earth

knowing that the person who knows the true you the very best
took a look inside you and chose to pursue one of the rest
the thought holds you down and carves your heart right out of your chest
and it takes back, steals back, rapes away all that made you feel blessed
like you invested all of your time, the very best of yourself and no less
and still failed the test

so you try to stand on two broken legs to walk again on your own
and you stumble into the arms of new friends and try to make a new home
and you search frantically for affection to replace what you've known
but at the end of each night regardless of who's next to you, you are alone

bar after bar, club after party, drink drink drink and take them to bed
trying to drown the remorse and the anger and the longing that fire shots in your head
you will literally try physically to **** your way into someone new's heart
you will become an artist making selfishness and need and self promotion an art

but they don't really know you so how could they really care
true love doesn't become tangible from moans floating through thin air
a love you reap comes from time spent in wonder and in promises you keep
true love comes from the person you're meant to be with seeing that you're deep
and wanting to dive in
to only you
to never surface again
from within you
to breath for the last time on their own
without your heart making theirs beat
to go to war for you alone
with no possibility of retreat

and that hope, that chance of what could come for my life's course
is the only thing I got to keep in my divorce