the smoke from my cigarette
stains
I have this smoke
all through my veins
it runs freely whenever it wants

the smoke from my cigarette stains.

the inhale is deep
and the smoke remains.
my lungs are intoxicated
and full of stains.

smoking hot
or smoking cold

I don’t care for seasons
my cigarettes taste good all year round

Go ahead
hold me a little longer
than usual.
You say to me,
without using any
words at all,
"it should have been me,
its still me."
Like i don't already see
those sky blue eyes
every time i close my own.
Because we're still holding
on to god knows what.
Because it is you
and it will always be you.

Be patient
Wait a little
Wait for a while

Be calm
Breathe a little
Rest for a while

Be mindful
Think a little
Think for a while

Be happy
Smile a little
Smile for a while

she looks
at the letter
confirming
the change
of her name
and smiles
as she is
delighted
to be herself
again

Deeper
Deeper
Deeper
It’s never enough
To satisfy
The feeling within
Not in the core
But in the soul
Unreachable
Untouchable
Even by the softest hands

I like being really tired before going to sleep.
It feels good to fight one last thing before bed, even if that thing is me.

I can’t decide
if I’m comforted by the fact
that every thought  
I’ve ever had
has probably been had
before

And I don’t know
which is worse
That we are, perhaps
incredibly,
undeniably
not special at all
Or that we incredibly,
undeniably
are

I don't care
I never did
I never will

I don't care about the stabs
I don't care about the lies
I don't care about the loss

I never did
I never will

I don't care about you abandoning me in the middle of nowhere or making me doubt every single person I meet or forcing me to look at the mirror and despise the foolishness I had.

I don't care about all the above.

I try to convince myself every night that I don't.
But, I do;
I fully keenly wholesomely do care and my care was my doom.

I was the first to fall in love
But it’s inevitable that you’ll be the first to leave.