A-McIntyre

A-McIntyre Jun 2019

how do you laugh while i cry,
yet still cannot understand why.

Jun 2019

Cameron Williams

Her

She was a vision of perfection
With a heart as cold as stone
Her features full of beauty
Yet she remains alone

She wears a crown of triumph
But tears, they scar her face
She proclaims her inner strength
With ample fallen grace

And while her heart cries out for love
Her frigid feet won't dance
She's terrified and frightened of
A life without a chance

#love #poem #poetry #poet #sad #happy #dark #strength #her #light

A-McIntyre May 2019

dig

touch my arm as a passerby,
shooting stars in the midnight sky.
your laugh contagious, your smile shines.
the sun reflects in your eyes,
you're warming the world from within.
*
buried deep underground,
I see no light, I hear no sound.
inside a box, inside the earth,
unable to move I feel your hearth.
the fire mellows, I kick and scream
no sound comes out, somethings wrong with me.
my voice now gone, I now cannot tell
I want your warmth, but cannot break this shell.
*
my mind is caught in a web of dark,
a purple void of hurt and heart.
was one touch enough for you to look?
was your world as mine was shook?
if you are able to find my box,
would you dare to pick the lock?

can you free me from my own self sabotage?

A-McIntyre Apr 2019

drowning in this world

If happy is an emotion and emotional is me, where oh where would happy be?
See I cry too much, and if you're lucky I'll scream.
Is this a weakness, or simply just me?
I say out loud "I'll just runaway",
because everything is my fault, and I don't know how to change.

If I cry in your presence, will you call me dramatic?
If I let my heart show, will you call me weak?
If I tell you I am hurt and defeated, do you blame me?
The world made me.

If you present a stranger a secret, is it still a secret?
If they tell, are you selling a small part of your soul?
If your heart is ripped open, but you can't find the tear.....
This world that made me, why can't it be fair?

If everything is in a balance, why do I feel tilted?
If everything has a purpose, why do I feel wilted.
If the sound of a clock reminds you of your mind....
This world that made me, just isn't very kind.

If happy is an emotion and emotional is me, where oh where would happy be?
See I cry too much, and if you're lucky I'll scream.
Is this a weakness, or simply just me?
I say out loud "I'll just drown the pain",
because everything is my fault, and I don't know how to change.

I grasp, I claw, I see the light.
I fight the waves, I fight the night.
I run, I hide, hug myself tight.
I fight the world, I fight with all my might.

This world has made me
but
This world isn't right.
so
I always lose,
but again, and again
I always fight.

#alone #fight #emotion #hope #balance

A-McIntyre Sep 2018

an-xi-et-y

A pump. A thump. A beat.
My blood, pumping in my ears.
A blur. A shake. A vibration.
My eyes, trying to focus.
A breath. A woosh. A whistle.
My lungs grasping for air.
Pounding. Tapping. Throbbing.
In the center of my head.
Ah-one. Ah-two. Ah-three.
Focus on these numbers.
Numbness. Itching. Crawling.
The feeling of my skin.
I take a step, Calm my mind.
One more breath, One more time.

#anxious #anxiety #panic #feelings #thoughts

A-McIntyre Sep 2018

the improbability of perfection

what happens when you are so in love with a thought you could never dream.
       not like being on a timeout, or friend zoned.
  like wishful thinking of a perfect scene, or being.
Can most of us say that we ever truly fell in love at first sight, i can.
      i can tell you how the sun shines for the birds and blooms. i can tell you how the  diamonds are hand painted into the night sky and even have their own stories.
   i can tell you all the angles of the prisms, in the colors of a rainbow.
i can describe in perfect detail sculpted cheekbones and a smile so warm everything
    melts inside.
i can say how my heart aches to even be known. in the world, in the universe,
   in the front of someone's mind. not just known but really, and truly known by something, anything, anyone.
      i can tell you that my soul aches for more...
   i can tell you how my life essence is tied to more.....
after everything so far.
          i can also tell you that i doubt if anybody even knows my name.

its a mess, im used to it...... (:

#mess #anxiety #perfection #impossible #nature #love #imagination #rainbows

A-McIntyre Sep 2018

I didn't want you.

I asked you not to touch me, I walked away from you.
I asked you not to kiss me, that is not something I wanted to do.
I told you I had a boyfriend, more than I should have had to.

I told you to stop, when you took off your pants.
I wanted to have fun, not to give you a chance.
I know I drank too much, and that was my fault;
But you should have listened, when I told you to stop.

I was there for my friend, you took me away from her.
Why can't you understand, you didn't even care.
You shoved me to my knees, a taste I will always remember;
I begged, I cried, I broke, on that night in December.

You pushed me on my back, I couldn't even stand.
You forced yourself inside, what a worthless little man.
Then you told your buddies, I bet it was a good story.
You probably were proud, and soaked in lots of glory.

Then I was so broken, as I heard the whispers around.
They didn't know the truth, how you shoved me to the ground.
They didn't know how scared I was, how you forced yourself upon me.
It isn't right, It isn't fair, I am forever haunted by the memory.

No Means NO

#hurt #pain #sad #abuse