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High on a throne of royal state, which far
Outshone the wealth or Ormus and of Ind,
Or where the gorgeous East with richest hand
Showers on her kings barbaric pearl and gold,
Satan exalted sat, by merit raised
To that bad eminence; and, from despair
Thus high uplifted beyond hope, aspires
Beyond thus high, insatiate to pursue
Vain war with Heaven; and, by success untaught,
His proud imaginations thus displayed:—
  “Powers and Dominions, Deities of Heaven!—
For, since no deep within her gulf can hold
Immortal vigour, though oppressed and fallen,
I give not Heaven for lost: from this descent
Celestial Virtues rising will appear
More glorious and more dread than from no fall,
And trust themselves to fear no second fate!—
Me though just right, and the fixed laws of Heaven,
Did first create your leader—next, free choice
With what besides in council or in fight
Hath been achieved of merit—yet this loss,
Thus far at least recovered, hath much more
Established in a safe, unenvied throne,
Yielded with full consent. The happier state
In Heaven, which follows dignity, might draw
Envy from each inferior; but who here
Will envy whom the highest place exposes
Foremost to stand against the Thunderer’s aim
Your bulwark, and condemns to greatest share
Of endless pain? Where there is, then, no good
For which to strive, no strife can grow up there
From faction: for none sure will claim in Hell
Precedence; none whose portion is so small
Of present pain that with ambitious mind
Will covet more! With this advantage, then,
To union, and firm faith, and firm accord,
More than can be in Heaven, we now return
To claim our just inheritance of old,
Surer to prosper than prosperity
Could have assured us; and by what best way,
Whether of open war or covert guile,
We now debate. Who can advise may speak.”
  He ceased; and next him Moloch, sceptred king,
Stood up—the strongest and the fiercest Spirit
That fought in Heaven, now fiercer by despair.
His trust was with th’ Eternal to be deemed
Equal in strength, and rather than be less
Cared not to be at all; with that care lost
Went all his fear: of God, or Hell, or worse,
He recked not, and these words thereafter spake:—
  “My sentence is for open war. Of wiles,
More unexpert, I boast not: them let those
Contrive who need, or when they need; not now.
For, while they sit contriving, shall the rest—
Millions that stand in arms, and longing wait
The signal to ascend—sit lingering here,
Heaven’s fugitives, and for their dwelling-place
Accept this dark opprobrious den of shame,
The prison of his ryranny who reigns
By our delay? No! let us rather choose,
Armed with Hell-flames and fury, all at once
O’er Heaven’s high towers to force resistless way,
Turning our tortures into horrid arms
Against the Torturer; when, to meet the noise
Of his almighty engine, he shall hear
Infernal thunder, and, for lightning, see
Black fire and horror shot with equal rage
Among his Angels, and his throne itself
Mixed with Tartarean sulphur and strange fire,
His own invented torments. But perhaps
The way seems difficult, and steep to scale
With upright wing against a higher foe!
Let such bethink them, if the sleepy drench
Of that forgetful lake benumb not still,
That in our porper motion we ascend
Up to our native seat; descent and fall
To us is adverse. Who but felt of late,
When the fierce foe hung on our broken rear
Insulting, and pursued us through the Deep,
With what compulsion and laborious flight
We sunk thus low? Th’ ascent is easy, then;
Th’ event is feared! Should we again provoke
Our stronger, some worse way his wrath may find
To our destruction, if there be in Hell
Fear to be worse destroyed! What can be worse
Than to dwell here, driven out from bliss, condemned
In this abhorred deep to utter woe!
Where pain of unextinguishable fire
Must exercise us without hope of end
The vassals of his anger, when the scourge
Inexorably, and the torturing hour,
Calls us to penance? More destroyed than thus,
We should be quite abolished, and expire.
What fear we then? what doubt we to incense
His utmost ire? which, to the height enraged,
Will either quite consume us, and reduce
To nothing this essential—happier far
Than miserable to have eternal being!—
Or, if our substance be indeed divine,
And cannot cease to be, we are at worst
On this side nothing; and by proof we feel
Our power sufficient to disturb his Heaven,
And with perpetual inroads to alarm,
Though inaccessible, his fatal throne:
Which, if not victory, is yet revenge.”
  He ended frowning, and his look denounced
Desperate revenge, and battle dangerous
To less than gods. On th’ other side up rose
Belial, in act more graceful and humane.
A fairer person lost not Heaven; he seemed
For dignity composed, and high exploit.
But all was false and hollow; though his tongue
Dropped manna, and could make the worse appear
The better reason, to perplex and dash
Maturest counsels: for his thoughts were low—
To vice industrious, but to nobler deeds
Timorous and slothful. Yet he pleased the ear,
And with persuasive accent thus began:—
  “I should be much for open war, O Peers,
As not behind in hate, if what was urged
Main reason to persuade immediate war
Did not dissuade me most, and seem to cast
Ominous conjecture on the whole success;
When he who most excels in fact of arms,
In what he counsels and in what excels
Mistrustful, grounds his courage on despair
And utter dissolution, as the scope
Of all his aim, after some dire revenge.
First, what revenge? The towers of Heaven are filled
With armed watch, that render all access
Impregnable: oft on the bodering Deep
Encamp their legions, or with obscure wing
Scout far and wide into the realm of Night,
Scorning surprise. Or, could we break our way
By force, and at our heels all Hell should rise
With blackest insurrection to confound
Heaven’s purest light, yet our great Enemy,
All incorruptible, would on his throne
Sit unpolluted, and th’ ethereal mould,
Incapable of stain, would soon expel
Her mischief, and purge off the baser fire,
Victorious. Thus repulsed, our final hope
Is flat despair: we must exasperate
Th’ Almighty Victor to spend all his rage;
And that must end us; that must be our cure—
To be no more. Sad cure! for who would lose,
Though full of pain, this intellectual being,
Those thoughts that wander through eternity,
To perish rather, swallowed up and lost
In the wide womb of uncreated Night,
Devoid of sense and motion? And who knows,
Let this be good, whether our angry Foe
Can give it, or will ever? How he can
Is doubtful; that he never will is sure.
Will he, so wise, let loose at once his ire,
Belike through impotence or unaware,
To give his enemies their wish, and end
Them in his anger whom his anger saves
To punish endless? ‘Wherefore cease we, then?’
Say they who counsel war; ‘we are decreed,
Reserved, and destined to eternal woe;
Whatever doing, what can we suffer more,
What can we suffer worse?’ Is this, then, worst—
Thus sitting, thus consulting, thus in arms?
What when we fled amain, pursued and struck
With Heaven’s afflicting thunder, and besought
The Deep to shelter us? This Hell then seemed
A refuge from those wounds. Or when we lay
Chained on the burning lake? That sure was worse.
What if the breath that kindled those grim fires,
Awaked, should blow them into sevenfold rage,
And plunge us in the flames; or from above
Should intermitted vengeance arm again
His red right hand to plague us? What if all
Her stores were opened, and this firmament
Of Hell should spout her cataracts of fire,
Impendent horrors, threatening hideous fall
One day upon our heads; while we perhaps,
Designing or exhorting glorious war,
Caught in a fiery tempest, shall be hurled,
Each on his rock transfixed, the sport and prey
Or racking whirlwinds, or for ever sunk
Under yon boiling ocean, wrapt in chains,
There to converse with everlasting groans,
Unrespited, unpitied, unreprieved,
Ages of hopeless end? This would be worse.
War, therefore, open or concealed, alike
My voice dissuades; for what can force or guile
With him, or who deceive his mind, whose eye
Views all things at one view? He from Heaven’s height
All these our motions vain sees and derides,
Not more almighty to resist our might
Than wise to frustrate all our plots and wiles.
Shall we, then, live thus vile—the race of Heaven
Thus trampled, thus expelled, to suffer here
Chains and these torments? Better these than worse,
By my advice; since fate inevitable
Subdues us, and omnipotent decree,
The Victor’s will. To suffer, as to do,
Our strength is equal; nor the law unjust
That so ordains. This was at first resolved,
If we were wise, against so great a foe
Contending, and so doubtful what might fall.
I laugh when those who at the spear are bold
And venturous, if that fail them, shrink, and fear
What yet they know must follow—to endure
Exile, or igominy, or bonds, or pain,
The sentence of their Conqueror. This is now
Our doom; which if we can sustain and bear,
Our Supreme Foe in time may much remit
His anger, and perhaps, thus far removed,
Not mind us not offending, satisfied
With what is punished; whence these raging fires
Will slacken, if his breath stir not their flames.
Our purer essence then will overcome
Their noxious vapour; or, inured, not feel;
Or, changed at length, and to the place conformed
In temper and in nature, will receive
Familiar the fierce heat; and, void of pain,
This horror will grow mild, this darkness light;
Besides what hope the never-ending flight
Of future days may bring, what chance, what change
Worth waiting—since our present lot appears
For happy though but ill, for ill not worst,
If we procure not to ourselves more woe.”
  Thus Belial, with words clothed in reason’s garb,
Counselled ignoble ease and peaceful sloth,
Not peace; and after him thus Mammon spake:—
  “Either to disenthrone the King of Heaven
We war, if war be best, or to regain
Our own right lost. Him to unthrone we then
May hope, when everlasting Fate shall yield
To fickle Chance, and Chaos judge the strife.
The former, vain to hope, argues as vain
The latter; for what place can be for us
Within Heaven’s bound, unless Heaven’s Lord supreme
We overpower? Suppose he should relent
And publish grace to all, on promise made
Of new subjection; with what eyes could we
Stand in his presence humble, and receive
Strict laws imposed, to celebrate his throne
With warbled hyms, and to his Godhead sing
Forced hallelujahs, while he lordly sits
Our envied sovereign, and his altar breathes
Ambrosial odours and ambrosial flowers,
Our servile offerings? This must be our task
In Heaven, this our delight. How wearisome
Eternity so spent in worship paid
To whom we hate! Let us not then pursue,
By force impossible, by leave obtained
Unacceptable, though in Heaven, our state
Of splendid vassalage; but rather seek
Our own good from ourselves, and from our own
Live to ourselves, though in this vast recess,
Free and to none accountable, preferring
Hard liberty before the easy yoke
Of servile pomp. Our greatness will appear
Then most conspicuous when great things of small,
Useful of hurtful, prosperous of adverse,
We can create, and in what place soe’er
Thrive under evil, and work ease out of pain
Through labour and endurance. This deep world
Of darkness do we dread? How oft amidst
Thick clouds and dark doth Heaven’s all-ruling Sire
Choose to reside, his glory unobscured,
And with the majesty of darkness round
Covers his throne, from whence deep thunders roar.
Mustering their rage, and Heaven resembles Hell!
As he our darkness, cannot we his light
Imitate when we please? This desert soil
Wants not her hidden lustre, gems and gold;
Nor want we skill or art from whence to raise
Magnificence; and what can Heaven show more?
Our torments also may, in length of time,
Become our elements, these piercing fires
As soft as now severe, our temper changed
Into their temper; which must needs remove
The sensible of pain. All things invite
To peaceful counsels, and the settled state
Of order, how in safety best we may
Compose our present evils, with regard
Of what we are and where, dismissing quite
All thoughts of war. Ye have what I advise.”
  He scarce had finished, when such murmur filled
Th’ assembly as when hollow rocks retain
The sound of blustering winds, which all night long
Had roused the sea, now with hoarse cadence lull
Seafaring men o’erwatched, whose bark by chance
Or pinnace, anchors in a craggy bay
After the tempest. Such applause was heard
As Mammon ended, and his sentence pleased,
Advising peace: for such another field
They dreaded worse than Hell; so much the fear
Of thunder and the sword of Michael
Wrought still within them; and no less desire
To found this nether empire, which might rise,
By policy and long process of time,
In emulation opposite to Heaven.
Which when Beelzebub perceived—than whom,
Satan except, none higher sat—with grave
Aspect he rose, and in his rising seemed
A pillar of state. Deep on his front engraven
Deliberation sat, and public care;
And princely counsel in his face yet shone,
Majestic, though in ruin. Sage he stood
With Atlantean shoulders, fit to bear
The weight of mightiest monarchies; his look
Drew audience and attention still as night
Or summer’s noontide air, while thus he spake:—
  “Thrones and Imperial Powers, Offspring of Heaven,
Ethereal Virtues! or these titles now
Must we renounce, and, changing style, be called
Princes of Hell? for so the popular vote
Inclines—here to continue, and build up here
A growing empire; doubtless! while we dream,
And know not that the King of Heaven hath doomed
This place our dungeon, not our safe retreat
Beyond his potent arm, to live exempt
From Heaven’s high jurisdiction, in new league
Banded against his throne, but to remain
In strictest *******, though thus far removed,
Under th’ inevitable curb, reserved
His captive multitude. For he, to be sure,
In height or depth, still first and last will reign
Sole king, and of his kingdom lose no part
By our revolt, but over Hell extend
His empire, and with iron sceptre rule
Us here, as with his golden those in Heaven.
What sit we then projecting peace and war?
War hath determined us and foiled with loss
Irreparable; terms of peace yet none
Vouchsafed or sought; for what peace will be given
To us enslaved, but custody severe,
And stripes and arbitrary punishment
Inflicted? and what peace can we return,
But, to our power, hostility and hate,
Untamed reluctance, and revenge, though slow,
Yet ever plotting how the Conqueror least
May reap his conquest, and may least rejoice
In doing what we most in suffering feel?
Nor will occasion want, nor shall we need
With dangerous expedition to invade
Heaven, whose high walls fear no assault or siege,
Or ambush from the Deep. What if we find
Some easier enterprise? There is a place
(If ancient and prophetic fame in Heaven
Err not)—another World, the happy seat
Of some new race, called Man, about this time
To be created like to us, though less
In power and excellence, but favoured more
Of him who rules above; so was his will
Pronounced among the Gods, and by an oath
That shook Heaven’s whole circumference confirmed.
Thither let us bend all our thoughts, to learn
What creatures there inhabit, of what mould
Or substance, how endued, and what their power
And where their weakness: how attempted best,
By force of subtlety. Though Heaven be shut,
And Heaven’s high Arbitrator sit secure
In his own strength, this place may lie exposed,
The utmost border of his kingdom, left
To their defence who hold it: here, perhaps,
Some advantageous act may be achieved
By sudden onset—either with Hell-fire
To waste his whole creation, or possess
All as our own, and drive, as we were driven,
The puny habitants; or, if not drive,
****** them to our party, that their God
May prove their foe, and with repenting hand
Abolish his own works. This would surpass
Common revenge, and interrupt his joy
In our confusion, and our joy upraise
In his disturbance; when his darling sons,
Hurled headlong to partake with us, shall curse
Their frail original, and faded bliss—
Faded so soon! Advise if this be worth
Attempting, or to sit in darkness here
Hatching vain empires.” Thus beelzebub
Pleaded his devilish counsel—first devised
By Satan, and in part proposed: for whence,
But
Cheyenne Baker Dec 2015
When I was younger, I would wait for him
to die. I loved him - at least I wished I did.
He used to be my D.A.D., and acronym.

Remaining in the mobile home, amid
his “hidden” *** toys and unlocked arsenal-
when he would return, my brother and I hid.

His I.Q.? Soaring, but he lacked a soul,
he killed kittens for fun and never got caught.
Covert sociopath; maintaining control.

Court ordered visits left my mother distraught,
she wrestled the system over us for years,
our knight in shining armor that always fought.

The battle was won after many shed tears -
to a ****** life we forged, pioneers.
Miriam B Sep 2010
This one I will refuse to destroy me,
Pick me up, toss me out and leave me in the morning;
The loneliness that echoes inside sets her free.

Spare the delicate moment of bliss or ecstasy
When day comes, abandon hope and leave me in the mourning
This one I will refuse to destroy me.

Dawn awakens the oblivion- the disillusioned fairy
Passionate sunlight erupts the stillness of dreamless dreaming,
The loneliness that echoes inside sets her free.

As the fire licks at the mountainside, leaving behind its vengeful debris,
Last night ignited this hateful inferno you are afflicting
This one I will refuse to destroy me.

Thunderbolt! Durga cast down the Depraved one, while he
Creeps into the naked night like a coward: fleeing,
The loneliness that echoes inside sets her free.

Tangled beneath sheets and limbs of a parted sea
It was only with your blind eyes you left, haunting
This one I will refuse to destroy me,
The loneliness that echoes inside sets her free.
Ayeshah Jan 2014
You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

Don't get me wrong I was on many sites, still talking it up

to those who'd seem genuinely interested,

yet I've as you now know, went through a lot of disappointments

with the opposite ***, from cheating, abuse, games,

lies and so much more,

well you now know, so no need for more details.

You've come at a time where & when I only needed a friend,

I should of been clear about that instead of continuing
late night conversations of whose ex's hurt who
the most & the things we'd do differently
"if " only(s)....

"If" only you'd come at a time where DBT- counseling,
was almost complete & these insecurity's
left by the lies,doubts, mistrust or broken down communications
from past experiences didn't have me questioning
every single word you say,
plus every one of your actions made.

I've been keeping to myself,
becoming a recluse,
but
from the
Mental Disorders handbook,
I'm listed as
a afflicting person since I've display
a person with a pervasive pattern of  social inhibition,
feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation,
with my avoidance of social interaction.

I'm afflicted with the disorder & I tend to describe me
as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted
plus I fell I'm isolated from others.

I used to go out a lot,
I had a plethora of friends well very good acquaintances,
I've allowed exes to push me into giving them up & now
I find it hard to just open up, find it so difficult to trust.

My supposed best friend slept with my husband
and another of these so called best-friends lied to a few men
that could of become my man.

So women or man- I find it hard to be myself now round them,
round you it was easy to talk to laugh and be completely free,
but I should of told you, I wasn't ready for
late night trips to your home, showers or baths to relax me,
back rubs until you put me to sleep.

Wasn't ready for you and those powerful hugs,
the encouragements
or
pats on the back
for the countless hours studying & getting my 4.0
with all my college classes .

You're a friend well you were & still are,
I should of left it at that.
Should of...

I should of told you,
that I doubt I know what loves is
or 
 if I've ever really owned it, I think I've rented it- a time or so,
but to say that I've been truly loved?

Naw I doubt it,
been infatuated & lusted a lot but love?
again
Naw I doubt it...
You already know I ain't speaking of my children,
pets or family.

Well let us exclude
my mama
cause she's always said to me
"who could ever love you"?

Most of my life I've tried to fill in the blanks of "who"?
"who could ever love me"

I thought I knew, *
but in recent events plus theses last 15 years
I've notice those who came to say they loved me
showed me different & treated me so ugly!

You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,
wanting or needing a relationship.

Your friendship is comforting,
I guess I'm scared, worried of the unknown, all those
"ifs"
and what could be, but I'm afraid, worried-
I already said worried, so worried in fact I've sometimes
put space between us.

I'm so painfully bruised & scarred from inside plus out,
from the age of 6 to now that's 30 years of being  bruised & scarred.

This was pose to be a poem and now it's more like a letter,
You know like "Dear John" or to whom ever,
but the ever only person whose made me make sense of me
seems to be you.

Somehow your in this deeper than I think I am
I'm conflicted, confused,
even though you've yet to do what others have done to me
or what others have put me through.

Think I should say: what I've allowed them to do-
"sometimes"
I've allowed them to do.

I seem to NO- I know I make you pay for what they've done to me,
guess I shall say I've allowed them to do to me knowingly or not...
I'm so disappointed by life & all it's had to offer me,
I've known & at times unbeknown to myself
have taken it out on you,
on others too by staying out their lives...

I apologize, but I'm not sorry,
that to me is something I don't think
I could ever be...

Saying sorry for me means- I'm a sorry person,
flawed-
*YES,

*very much so, becoming a recluse ok
but to be "sorry"    no,
therefore I apologize.


Through  all the ******* and all the mess
you've supported me.


I'm screaming or yelling at you & you've accepted me,
from the nightmares, that wake me & you've heard
my siren crying yelps of despair,
you've held me tightly,
reassuring me it's just a dream that my ex's
along with my childhood/teen molesters plus them ******
can't harm me no more...


You've left the lights on since I'm afraid of the dark
walking me to my room and locking the house up tight,
even at times checking under my bed
see your comforting for me,
at 36 I should be ashamed, yet with you I finally feel free
feel a bit good about me & about you,
says a lot since for a while I've yet to feel ANYTHING!


You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

But now that your
*here" can you please stay?



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Timothy Brown Dec 2013
The days have blended into a poetic haze
of mismatched syllables, hanging participles
accented with a hint of discourage.
My purpose use to be therapeutic.

Each rhyme I wrote was a comma in my run-on sentences.
And for awhile, I could breathe. Each breath became less wheezy, uneven and strained.
After I gathered enough air, I dared to speak.
Me? How could I even have the audacity to think!?

To my disbelief, my words didn't fall on deaf ears.
The anxiety, shame, depression and fear woven
into every poem made me familiar in the minds of strangers.
These strangers made me feel human.

With quickness that's comparable to the slickness of a parable
I was ****** from a catapult into the essence of prose.
However, the latency between the beginning of my literary journey
and the discovery of my gift for poetry was afflicting my sensibility.

I succumbed to the bullying from hyperboles
and the taunting of iambic pentameter.
At times I was afraid to talk to neighbors
for fear of narrative structure overhearing.  

Now, I am wandering in a fog
though the hills of unpublished work,
echoed only by the crunch of "not good enough" beneath my feet.
This was therapeutic.  Now I use it to influence my movements.
© December 18th, 2013 by Timothy Brown. All rights reserved.
Jayantee Khare Dec 2018

wandering aimless
a traveler lone
roads unknown
on his own
haunting memories broken pieces making
the entourage
the collage
the mirage
the life, an endless ocean of sand
clinging
slipping
shifting
afflicting
sifting
drifting
coming across many dunes
all bound to shift, leaving the runes
playing his own tunes
an oasis
far away in the desert
keeps him going at any cost
carrying in the heart
a tender fire
a burning desire
an eye, focused a bit farther
and, yes! a bit higher!


Just like that.....no resemblance
Diction Oct 2018
Diagnosed with mentally afflicting conditions/
Why I'm often covered in depression/
Fighting with addiction/
Suffacating conversations with judgemental complications/
Everyday Im waking up to a handful of medications/
It's embarrassing/
I promise from this moment now until my cremation to always make the best decision/
Despite whatever the caution might be to reach the desired life position/
Someone should have mentioned all the implications psychotic intentions have on relations/
Like the one between myself and all other human beings currently visiting/
Why I'm regularly checking out in day dreams of beautiful poetry that speaks/
Only problem being I'm unable to sometimes distinguish reality in the things I'm seeing/
So Im sorry for everyone that's sat through this psychotic rollercoaster, please don't let it be the me you remember/
Just think, that's my life to own except I often have to experience it alone/
I promise I didn't know the severity until just recently/
What I dont get is why nobody stopped to explain it/
My thoughts I knew were never right, which is why I put them on paper every night/
Finding comfort in the empty white when I write/
Putting my thoughts together every time I make rhymes for these poetry lines/
Made up by this one of a kind mind I sometimes can't find/
Remembering memories of a misery that inspires artistry/
Crafting my poetry from this hearts history/
Pieces of beautifully painted rhymes hidden within nameless poem lines/
The portrait of a forgotten poet coloured forever in this moment/
Doing this is the only thing holding together this cracked barrier/
Around this mind that's mentally unstable covered with an RX label/
Questioning moments if I might be psychotic/
Turning against myself with a straight jacket/
Lock set with the sunset, this I've come to accept/
There was an old man at a Station,
Who made a promiscuous oration;
But they said, 'Take some *****!--
You have talk'd quite enough
You afflicting old man at a station!'
Nat Lipstadt Feb 2016
~~~
She's Dead (Don't Think Twice, It's All Right)

A poem, forty years in the making,
Part II of a trilogy

~~~

she's dead

my nemesis,
a truly personalized comic book
arch-villain,
all mine to own and bear,
a cost that I comically
and freely chose,
purchased with only,
just the,
larger part of my life

because of a blood letting,
me letting
a lax laziness of fear,
a kind of blood poison,
an emotional self-imposed over-ruling,
"just cry and bear it,
for the sake of
appearance, children,
whatever,"
that was the insane,
disorganized principle,
who made itself
the king of me

an ugly sweater gift to myself
and
ashamedly,
wore its invisible effects
so quiet like,
this self-imposition,
of long standing,
a faithful traveling companion,
quietly unravelling, deconstructing,
this bearer-wearer

I married the wrong woman,

now she's dead

killed by the ovarian cancer
that I nursed her through in the early years
of its misshaped, too late discovery,
with bedside manners impeccable,
even secret whispers,
for who would believe me,
even begging God to give her
twenty years of
my own time

for he was so uselessly beaten down,
and unbearable miserable,
was-would-be gladly rid
of the final semester,
exiting more gracefully
than via other
contemplated and cowardly
methods of terminations

pronounced cured,
she decided a second cure,
like extra points for
a bonus question answered,
was just what the doc ordered

so she cured herself of
me

with a divorcing, stabbing,
emotional killing motion,
so angry, a petulant childlike biting,
relentlessly, revenging,
for all the years that followed,
inflicting, afflicting
me with mine very own
mental cancerous moments

where
I hated
myself
for hating her,
a petulant child who never grew up,
much,
as much as
my censored heart
would permit,
this truth,
to admit

it debased me,
being a raging hater,
yet a hater,
of both
her and myself,
I was,
her best, most successful
victim
of her final
curse

"you're not over her"
all the fools used to say and
then, and even now,
asking pointedly,
why else this time,
one mo' time,
is this small matter
deserving of an ecrive
all its own?

I guess there are glimmers of
secrets in
a life lived in poetry,
(poetry, her unknowing Greek God's gift to me)
in everything,
even in a
confessional,
a special reserve vintage,
for admitting my imperfections

now she's dead,
losing a race to
her curse,
losing a race,
to the most cruelly, patient,
enemy that a human can face,
unwilling self-destruction,
setting one's own
holy temple on fire,
with great irony,
sourced from within,
this tinder
from the very body
she worshipped,
that went finale
crazy ablaze

where ya going with this,
you ask yourself?

a mixed up goodie bag,
of emotional conflicted torment,
brings me here,
to pen and paper

her leaving me
turned out
as the best thing ever,
drawing down my reservoirs of courage,
mined from the deepest arteries
of a damaged heart,
of a recovered addict

a thousand different tunes come to me,
all nurses aides,
to assist me to
stitch myself,
this memory wound
closed

the one that make the most sense,
an old Dylan lamentation,
correct only in exactly every phrase,
yet forced to admit,
I am indeed,
despite it,
for now,
yet,
thinking twice...
~~~

"It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
I can’t hear you anymore
I’m a-thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ all the way down the road

I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell

But goodbye’s too good a word, gal
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind

You just kinda wasted my precious time

But don’t think twice, it’s all right"
Jan . 17,  2015 ~

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
by Bob Dylan


It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter, anyhow
An’ it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on
Don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An’ it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin’ anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
I can’t hear you anymore
I’m a-thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
But goodbye’s too good a word, gal
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

Copyright © 1963 by Warner Bros. Inc.; renewed 1991 by Special Rider Music
Edison Manuel Dec 2016
Entice on its flavor
Suffer and adore
Topsy-turvy yet happy
Afflicting, coffee can be

Sip it, be contented
Linger on its power
One must adroit to embed
Coffee is hard to endure

One touch, be wary
There’s no hope exit
Pain through coffee, defeat
A synecdoche of a story
Pearson Bolt Jan 2017
in school they told me to keep politics and cursing
out of my poetry. from elementary education
to post-graduate work at the university,
no one really cared to teach me how to write.
certainly not the pretentious prats
who'd somehow forgotten
our words are swords
in the flesh of the State.

they told us flowery metaphors
were welcome, but critiques of the systems
that would eradicate flowers from planet earth
were choked by the weeds
of existential philosophies,
too much
for the average reader
to comprehend.

i was taught to keep polysyllabic words like "neoliberalism,"
"xenophobia,"
and "corporatocracy"
out of rhythmic verse
because the bourgeoise
want to read something ****.

witness the revolt of the proletariat.
i'm embracing a literacy
anointed in Angela y Davis's legacy,
"i am changing the things i cannot accept."
i'll fight like hell and bleed
the imagery from every stanza
if that's what it takes to show
that all art is always already resistance.

to be an anarchist
in the twenty-first century
is to refute practically every vestige
of contemporary society.
to embrace paradoxes and be skeptical,
practicing critique, an endeavor
Foucault termed "reflective indocility."
liberty and equity in equal measures,
an individual amidst a community.
hopeless, but still fighting.

the answer to the ills afflicting us
are available if we avail ourselves
immediately, parting ways
like divorcees,
finally severing all ties
with this American sham
of false democracy.

the answer is neither on the left
nor the right. we've peeked behind the scenes
and seen the corporate-state is held
on a short leash by the oligarchy,
bound and gagged, nothing but a plaything
satisfying the master-slave binary.

if we're to triumph over the bigotry
rising like seas bloodied by refugees
fleeing the endless wars the U.S. has instigated,
we'll have to get creative again.
dare to dream utopically, living
as if we're already free,
seeking liberty, equality, and solidarity.

so consider this a manifesto of sorts:
until i go to greet death as an old friend,
happily released from daily suffering,
i'll sit at my typewriter and bleed
for the least of these,
then climb to my feet and fight
to take back the ******* streets.
Brian Carson Aug 2014
I live with an altered state of mind
sometimes I believe that I believe in something
but there is nothing that I can honestly define
and I am beginning to wonder why I even try
wind chimes ding in my head
blending like a flock of birds being fed
I am bleeding internally in my legs
and the burning sensation is becoming addicting
afflicting pain on yourself is a symptom
of constant wishful thinking
not seeing the difference between
what is real and what is reality
what is true and what is a fallacy
Zachary L Nov 2012
They say I suffer from retrograde cash flow
and it is afflicting me with anterograde anxiety
so they let me go
bleeding money from every pore
leaving a red paper trail behind me

A memetic virus of unprecedented scale
has everyone pale and empty-pocketed
their haunted eyes reflecting
the fear of an exofiduciary reaction

The resultant melancholy
proves infectious.

My sad-sack coworkers,
drained from the same numismatic disease
seek alternative medicine
but I am hooked on the slow copper drip
and wait patiently for the bag to empty before
I even realize I should have
seen another doctor
before
my internet support's been pulled.
Unrelenting
they came to be
words
cementing lunacy
and talismans
for all to see
this madness
that's afflicting me.

It's a dictionary to dine upon
one more sedation
then I'm gone,all
quiet in the infirmary with the
madness that's afflicting me.

The doctor said I'm doing well,but
what the hell do doctors know
with their fake degrees and sky high fees
no minimum,no need for glum
just take the happy pill,ooh
what a thrill
***** me down please,Jack and Jill
and leave this hill alone.

They won't let me home, and say
I've got to stay
until they reach a moratorium and
then I'll end up down
the sanatorium.

More than Bethlem,
less than some men and
some men are less.

I profess to know which way this wind will blow and
like the weather vane
I'll spin again,I suppose
eventually I'll be insane.
A self fulfilling prophecy,or
just reinvented lunacy,
all the same to me,
I'll keep taking medication,
pray hard and wait for some salvation.

And then the graveyard waits for me,and for
other lunatics,
I see them lining up against the fence.
The fence that's no defence.

In the words which play with me,
lunacy or not,
it seems
these words are all I've got,them and
the doc
One4u2nv Jan 2013
So far today I'm a giant, a tyrant, a clinical mess-
My label states I'm a manic, a miserable being topped with a dollop of depressed.
Those are my titles today, given to me by a man who just won't stay away.
If I am really all of those things , why do you suppose that man insists on hitch hiking on my manic wings?
Why wouldn't he get off at the next stop, as opposed to whispering in my ear those afflicting thoughts?
So far today I am a giant, a tyrant, and maybe even a clinical mess. But I will tell you what I am NOT, and that's a self righteous, name calling, demeaning pest.
For all things there's a reason
I understand this, but tell me what
Is the method for deciding who
Gets afflicted and who does not?

Good people made to suffer
Bad people left to live
They say that there's a reason
So..a reason...will you give

There are places named for heroes
Some for leaders, some for Kings
I would like to tell of one lad
who's namesake was these things

The child that I speak of
Is a prisoner of his own
He is afflicted with an illness
That is known as Brittle Bone

Simple movements, they can injure
A simple sneeze may break his neck
So, please tell me the reason
who up there, said "What the heck?"

A child with no grievance
What exactly can be learned
By afflicting this poor child
Did God miss, was his back turned

This child is a leader
He is special, here's the thing
He is named after a great one
Alexander is a King

For all things there is a reason
This is one I do not get
This child needs a lifetime
And with his family...that he'll get.
Gor Barbara...she knows why
I was selfless person
Afflicting all the pain and anger I felt towards others onto myself
But the scars, they cover my body
All of spaces filled up
No more room for the lies, the screams, or the fights

Before, I was at fault
But now I see
And we're not kids anymore
I have nothing to lose
And now I can choose
Olga Valerevna Nov 2013
Of everything bent by wind on the earth
You move the fibers preserving my worth
Where have I gone with the questions I pose
And can I allow them to channel my prose
Subtleties hiding are harder to see
But that doesn't mean they are not within me
Show me the image beyond all of this
Far from the shadows that blew me a kiss
Cover my hands with the warmth of your touch
I need to feel it, I need you so much
Soften the edges afflicting my mind
Speak me a way I can verily find
I want to rest at the foot of your door
'Neath all the doubt I don't have anymore
Waiting is nothing, let patience attest
The time it has taken makes life my request
Послание к Филиппийцам 4:12
Emily B Feb 2017
this morning

seems that was
the battle cry
for some movement
pushed out of our minds
by more insistent
and newer news

maybe it is the weather

maybe it is
some mid-life crisis
afflicting me
at the mcdonald's
while I use the free wifi

whatever it is

I will win
this battle too

just like
every other one
so far
Connor Dalton Feb 2010
I can feel it, I
know the emotion,
like every other emotion,
worldly,
maybe
divine-
it swells high over the visible horizon,
it is invisible.
it dwarfs the infinite of the cosmos
it reflects through our lives
everywhere, the steal.
the world sees it in adknowldgment,
like Colossus,
cast into murderous weapons
self afflicting
the dagger
the arrow
its own destroyer,
with time.
Drifton A Way Mar 2013
If you don't ever try
You might never live
Worst you can do is die
Blessed with death to give

Words contrived to fruition
Climb upon my shoulders
Take a look at new ambition
Papers finally free from folders

Thoughts magically transformed to verse
Imagery and idolatry bleed ink to prose
Detracting my distraction is another curse
Explanations obscured as frustration grows

King of the world today, ever so omnipotent
Afflicting Memories distance away and fade
Wake up tomorrow and could be impotent
Clutched to a beautiful creature in the shade
Thomas Maltuin Feb 2016
What is this pain-
where is it coming from-
what does it want from me

I am cold
I am bittersweet
growing old
I'm incomplete

Why
are
you
killing me
killing

you
don't
know
I'm alive
but I'm-

Crying
I'm sighing in disbelief
Trying
to **** this broken stupid thief
he's laughing
with no remorse
taking our life
stealing all our
joy
all our peace
all our
keep on going

I just know-
I don't know anymore-
I don't care, what's the reason
for it all

What am I
What am I doing here
Where is this pain
coming from I see it's you

All
your
dreams
are just
lies until you
see
that
we're
all just sleeping all your

Dreams will
never be coming true
Not un-
less you believe in that you
can't see
and step out in faith believing
blindly
overcome and
stop believing
all the lies
what relief
take control
and give it back
to the one who
made it and
surrender to his will

Why am I crying-
why am I cold and empty-
why am I
trying when I know I'm falling
down-
I'm ready to
hit the ground
and just pound
my fists against the wall
don't you know that I am

Dying
I'm tearing myself to pieces
one shred at a time
one for you and one for
me I'm
clinging to cold remorse
but I won't give up another minute

I love you...

too...

[Break here]

fever
in my mind
in my body
in my
soul-
why are my

hands shak-ing
I have lost control
I never had it
What's the toll
for getting past the border
into peace and
knowing that you all are happy
knowing that you gave your best and tried

Oh! I tried...

Why am I cold
yet I'm burning up inside
who is speaking of me
who is thinking of me
does it really matter

[heavy break]

my pores
can't take any more abuse
my sores
are they real or am I dreaming
is it real
or am i living surreality
alive
in the shadows
I am melting
down
dripping down the walls its all

beyond my control
I am letting go
one
digit at a time
oh these paws are shedding
I don't- no!
that is the phrase
that is the curse that's
afflicting all my own inside
the prison of our sheltered minds
and putting all our limbs in binds
and burying our faith in endless

[silence]

what is this pain
where is it coming from
what does it want from me

you stupid selfish parasite
let go
how do you like being torn in two
unrealistic unreality

[sudden silence and continue]

I am cold
I am bittersweet
growing old
I am incomplete
am I too bold
am I crossing a line right here in
taking
just a minute just to let it out
and stop

no I won't stop
not if I can help it
you are so worth it
I won't lie
I'm am kind of lost
and I don't know
where I am
and I just trail off in
This is a work in progress and is nowhere near finished
Naomi Sa'Rai Mar 2012
Point of no return
Circulating to the place
We met
Coffee date
Time late
Here with you
Self condemnation
Afflicting spirit
Your gravitational pull
Strains around me
Promise i've evolved
Feet planted
Call me concrete
Immobilized
Struck me like a match
Immature as it sounds
Muted love making
Pussyfooting
New city
Old town
Adulation
Confrontation
Not willing to face it
Sack of bones
Brought to life
By you
If im wrong
You make me right
Eyes closed
Stole my sight
Subdued lips
Put up no fight
Angel on my shoulder
Demon on my arm
You in my heart
Her in my mind
What can go wrong?

Murray
KRRW Aug 2017
An anxious amortal
archnemesis
affectionately
allowing an amoral
animosity
achieve an attitudal
agressive and aversion against
any and all
annoying,
aggravating,
afflicting,
and almost annihilating
alliterations,
although all
aforementioned actions
are absolutely
artificial.



An amiable
abomination
and architectural abuse
at an alphabet achieved
after aesthetically
arranging ample
arbitrary
alternatives alone,
amounting an acclamation.



An affinity at
awkward avante-garde arts
arising at
an astronomical acceleration,
aside an archaic
argumentum ad
antiquitatem argument
awfully appraising
an atheistic and agnostic
apparition,
anthrophomorphically
alive and apparently
alright after asphyxiation,
alluding an astral authority
absolving accusations
and all allegations.



An advantageously
astute and adroit assassin
always actively
acting and assaulting
alone, ain't assisted
anyhow,
already
antiquating auxillaries
altogether.



An alliteratious afterfocus:
Aborting all anticipations.
Anticipating affirmative antagonizations.
All are alright.
Already airtight.
Adios, amigos.



Author: anonymous,
an acorn-afflicted,
assassinatrix affiliate.
attributed as Agent Argent.
Written
04 July 2016


Genre
Alliterature


Copyright
© Khayri R.R. Woulfe. All rights reserved.
jai Mar 2018
the two of them
attached at the hip;
inseparable.
how strange to be
such opposites,
yet forced to live in the
same prison.

one was an insomniac, while the other slept 16 hours a day.

one was confident and able, nothing could bring her down.
the other faulted inside herself, with arms stretched above her, begging for a way up.

one was flowing thoughts and new ideas, with an unconscionable amount of energy.
the other thought obsessively, always in the negative, lacking the ability to even speak most days.

one was a stomach full of butterflies, terrified at the thought of dying.
the other spent her days, chest aching and empty, begging for each one to be her last.

so tell me, how do astronomical
glow
and insufferable
darkness
coincide accordantly?

they simply don’t

with each constantly afflicting the other,
the small prison in which they inhabit
is collapsing
falling into itself
soon to dissipate
until nevermore
Internal observations. What day to day life is like for myself and I.
TinyMtn Nov 2010
I wish to flay myself to strip away your stain
You that I near-loved
and You that caused my fall from grace

One who healed and saved
and another who unknowingly shunted
my chance of continuance

Counter balanced and marked
by my vulnerability and inner injury
The only similarities
between my sweet and my pain

I feel both of You on me
Haunting and afflicting

I won't heal from this
insult to injury
(and oh the guilt!)
'til I'm apt and equipt

God have mercy on me
and guide my way
I can't do this alone...
Michael Marchese Jun 2016
I am a shadow of a shadow
Creeping through existence
And the bleakest realities
Of a life bereft of love

I am a faithless angel
Believing in nothing
And praying for the end
Of a life bereft of love

I am a quiet crypt
Entombing a silenced soul
And a muted mind
Of a life bereft of love

I am a vast ocean
Encapsulating emptiness
And the cold dark void
Of a life bereft of love

I am a rotten corpse
Decaying slowly to time
And mundane dreariness
Of a life bereft of love

I am a voracious vampire
Craving the night
And draining the veins
Of a life bereft of love

I am a clandestine mystery
Withholding the secrets
And worthless revelations
Of a life bereft of love

I am a cold-blooded serpent
Slithering in lies
And venomous mendacity
Of a life bereft of love

I am a grim visage
Adopting false smiles
And fallacious contention
Of a life bereft of love

I am a ghost of a phantom
Haunting the living
And those who know not
Of a life bereft of love

I am a hellish demon
Burning in impurity
And corrupted innocence
Of a life bereft of love

I am a lonesome sepulcher
Dwelling in solitude
And self-imposed isolation
Of a life bereft of love

I am a forlorn oblivion
Devouring light
And what radiance remains
Of a life bereft of love

I am a hollow shell
Resonating dins of depravity
And tortured screams
Of a life bereft of love

I am a deceitful siren
Beguiling lost passerby
And luring them to shores
Of a life bereft of love

I am a black rose
Wilting in misery
And withering beauty
Of a life bereft of love

I am a self-destructive beast
Rampaging in anger
And constant frustration
Of a life bereft of love

I am a spreading disease
Afflicting this world
And all of mankind
Of a life bereft of love
Mercurychyld May 2015
Wars for so-called religion,
Children, people starving
under ****** regimes
and dying on the streets.

Tsunamis, Landslides, Hurricanes,
Tornadoes, Erupting volcanoes,
Floods, Avalanches,
Deadly storms destroying
all that stands in their path.

A world where there is a
constant barrage of evidence
of a universal acceptance of
abuse against women
and children.

Evil men, leading cities
and countries,
establishing  selfish,
convenient rules and laws,
often under the guise of
“safety” and “terrorism
deterrant”.

*******; all of it!

Men whose rich pockets
are bursting at the seams
and whose bank accounts
get bigger and fatter with each
sick, sordid war.

Cures that exist for painful,
life-degrading diseases,
afflicting the most fragile
of our human society, and
BIG BUSINESS and
the Pharmaceutical masters
blocking them from the masses.

They MUST  maintain a
bread-line of the tragically
ill to continue
creating addicts, convinced
that they will always need
their almighty drugs to
live and survive.

Rapists, pedophiles, terrorists…
all welcome,
all find a home here,
where the prey is aplenty.

Jobs and wages,
taken away from the citizens
trying to feed and clothe
their families,
being replaced by robots
and drones.

What is a man to do?
How does a single mother
feed her young?

The rich get richer on
the backs of the little people;
the poor fall by the wayside…
modern day LEPERS,
mistreated, shunned
and scorned.

Beat down to the
lowest levels of this
demented humanity.

Evil is a gluttonous
predator who never
gets its fill.


-by Mercurychyld
Copyrights
Arcassin B Jan 2018
By Arcassin Burnham


Wrong place,  wrong time, two nickels make a dime, but I just don't wanna fail.

Too many heartbreaks plus hardships,  set sail for through fiery hell.

Life is hard,  we all know,  the same scenario,
It's not hard than you portray.

Good things,  good days,  come and go,
Melting away.
Anyway.

Do you see the shame?  That you threw on me , laughing and scheming afflicting the
Meaning of pain,
No respect given in this life will leave you in suspense , making it harder to sustain.
©abpoetry2018

https://arcassin.blogspot.com/2018/01/sustain-weak-strong-saga.html
Jh Apr 2015
Restless and awake,
The clock tells me it is 2am.
This is truly the time for dreamers.
Surrounded in silence,
intensified loneliness,
thoughts palpable.
I was once told
to forget tomorrow's uncertainty yet
Past situations resurface
and bring about distress.
There is no logic in afflicting such a burden;
One that is caused by one's regrets.
Those times cannot be brought back,
Cannot be relived,
But, oh, how they can come back to haunt you.
Middle of the night nonsense.
The testament to what I relate
An irrational deformity
in time and space
Arc words cancer with disappointment,
"Do you really wish it was this way?"
A human pentagram
paints the stage
A creeping foreboding afflicting rigor mortis
like something slinking through the darkness
Unknowable, bubbling below the surface.
Pieces of thread unravels from the hand
sinking deeper into hydra waters
until you dissipate in the downpour
and forgo resistance
because you seethe at the stars
yet the beyond cares not
for your existence.
Hala K Jul 2015
She painfully stares and achingly gazes deep into the emotionless eyes she has never gotten use to no matter the intensifying years she has cowered under. The angelic smile graced upon her lips frowned into a languishing glower as she hears those melancholy scowls scrape out of that precious voice of yours. Her disappointed expression increases as your desperate urge for any type of detrimental reaction given off from the girl you claim as a meaningless soul, undeserving for the commendable respect you rarely bestow upon others. She lets her tears and her worries for you fall free as the aching and coldness of your heart evoked a tremor within the chasm of her abdomen. She argues and she begs for yourself to be disengaged from that fabricated character you have devoted yourself to be as the more aggressive punches and afflicting kicks are thrown onto her, causing greatly aggrandized worry and doubt to enter her mind. You’re consummate and jubilant days instantaneously flipped onto dark and lugubrious lifestyle, disowning as destroying your own inestimable life, only cumulating it much more powerfully. She screams and shouts, forcefully advocating the torment you have horrifically rendered to, horridly allowing the agony to tear through the apprehensive of her benevolence as your congenial laughter antipathetically snapped into one of your fallacious growls, attempting to intimidate her happiness, hoping for her contentment to vanquish in mid air. She does all of this, all over again, all stronger and harder than ever before, and all for one last time. Anger and frustration fuels in her veins, the gruesome expression stuck to your face sickening her, shaking her head in disgust. She puts aside the repulsive torment given to her by your own repulsive hands, replacing the ringing of insults and profanity unhesitatingly escaping the once innocent mouth of yours into a deep and miserable concern for your once prized anima. She does this all one last time, pointlessly hoping for a once in a lifetime miracle to occur. Her optimism and determination drives her adrenaline insane as the last sobs propel out of her throat. Every method has been used and repeated, each and every one has been desperately thrown to you with acrimony and exasperation furiously blasted within the hazardous mixture. Her courage dauntlessly roars as she holds her head high for the first time in eons, aggressively shoving you aside, clenching her fists as you potently stumble to the ground. She shrieks and she wails out all of the years kept flinching from the abhorrent tone in your voice and mewling down on the ground out of her system, leaving you to whimper as she wails her impetuous yet venturesome thoughts out, growling you to duck behind your face, fear and guilt forming in the pits of your stomach. Not one conclusion is left unsaid, and not one suggestion and avail is left cooped up in her brain. Every single retreat she'd always longed to respond is now out in the open for you to hear. Nothing is left implied as she finally walks out on the dismal of what you may call an existence, starting a new life as the last one of her blubbering's are fallen, and the final of her words are spoken. Her sigh breathlessly leaves as a deep involuntarily moan fleets out of her mouth, breathing in the new sight of the free air she'd never been allowed to see, only dreamt of the exemption of exerting from the trap she'd ruthlessly been obliged upon. Releasing herself from the punishment of concealment demoniacally lavished onto her, the once little pathetic and worthless girl bawling her eyes out to sleep is no more as the new confident and obstinate self embraces the atmosphere around her, spreading her power among the distance as she walks away from the cruel life extemporaneous for her. A genuine smile, one not embellished upon her lips for quite a while adorned to her mouth, completing the gratified glint in the sparkles of her eyes.  The throes and torture are no more, and the distressful past once drearily presented is once again, blissfully no more.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2021
buying a Trek Marlin 5 for around £500...
really has given me a new lease
on life...

prior to i was walking 6 to 7 hour marathons:
i walked to Epping...
i walked to Coldharbour to inspect the Thames...
i walked to St. Paul's...
then... on one of these walks...
i eased out a yawn: it was time to speed up...

i thought: perhaps a dog would help...
a girlfriend...
of the 3 Ps... priests, psychiatrists...
prostitutes: an hour with one, properly:
can fill years worth of... an absence of...
urges...

the body can do all the talking:
it's best when the body does all the talking...
i never bought into confessions:
alas... this is probably a confession...
or that psychiatric *******: C.B.T. or whatever
they call it: talk-therapy...

drinking less ms. amber having switched
to wine: well... the digestion is more fluid...
i've emptied myself three times today
to the point where my guts ache from...
having ******* out: what i can only assume
to be... 1 kilogram of ****... or a forearm's length
of it...

emptied to the point where it sort of aches...
thank god for the transparency with
prostitutes... last time i checked i was there
to pay for something beside conversation:
or lies...
               always the two extremes:
an honest ******* and a...
                  boasting thief: thieves always boast...
they're not timid murderers...
all that Robin Hood fancy gets them going...
i talked to this one in particular
on the day i buried my grandfather...
we talked about Paris...
poor fellow: he asked me if he could stand
on a step above me so he could
look me in the eye: well: i obliged...
i wasn't going to tower over him...

   all in all: a nice conversation...
the stories he had from prison...
what the Russians get up to in the 4 x 4
while punching walls... i injecting...
plastic? seems odd: into their knuckle region
to punch better...
i once took up some sort of martial art...
all i can remember is being trained to squat...
in a position akin to horse-riding...
the Sensei wasn't there one session
(Golders Green)
and his students took over...
we were instructed to march forward and
strike while making a lot of sound...
the student of the Sensei isolated me:
i said: i will not ooh! ah! i will not marry my
breath to an attack...

kick in the *****... me lying in a foetal position...
that's me and learning martial arts...
if i was going to learn martial arts by getting
kicked in the *******...
i was going to learn something: else...
accommodating people from all walks of life
with a conversation...
oddly enough: of the encounters i had in
the night when all the shady suspects should
be about...
one problem... this little ****** took advantage
of me willing to have a drink with him...
took me via an alley and grabbed
a phone from my hand...

oddly enough: i didn't fight him...
i shouted at him...
the seven heavens reigned down with fire
when i implored him to:
'LOOK AT YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL!
LOOK!'
  i shouted down the confrontation...
when scuttled off lamenting about...
down on my knees in the middle of Brick Lane
lamenting on / with the word: All-Ah...
Al-Lah...
                say what you may... certain gods have
names for certain moments...
his is a name when you just
grieve having to show yourself what anger can
be hiding in you...

but rather than fight: tenderness of the hands...
moving my hand against a brick wall
to later invest in a body...
all that mandible leather plush...
i still go crazy: not too often but when i go crazy
i... pretend to not be thinking about
foods that are eaten raw...
notably the Baltic sushi of herrings...
a steak Tartar... chunky...
with all the additions... raw onions...
kippers... gherkins... Worchester sauce...
pepper, salt... a raw egg yoke...
a dash of garlic...
    and a fat slice of sourdough...

but a bicycle is a new lease on life...
esp. at night: when the air is thinner...
and you can hear a church-bell ring from
almost a mile afar...
or... the sound of trains as if a stampede of horse
from: i'd imagine over 2 miles...

i could never own a car...
i once fancied myself owning a motorbike...
i'll stick to the object that allows me
to generate my own momentum...
what bonus?!
hell... no road-tax... no insurance...
i haven't even bothered with a safety-helmet
and most certainly not any lycra...

a bicycle allows you all the momentum
that a bus stuck in traffic might allow:
and more than a car... esp. since i've taken
a liking to cycling into central London...
several times now...
once upon a time it was this spectacular
gesture awe to take the bus and later
the tube and emerge at certain locations
in the city: Piccadilly Circus / Westminster
of note...

but starting off from the outskirts... teasing
the M25... and cycling into the city...
via little Bangladesh of Ilford... Manor Park...
Forrest Gate... little Jamaica of Stratford...
through to the Mecca of Bow...
and whatever the hell it is come Mile End...
reaching the pearly gates of Bank
and further past St. Paul's into Holborn...
past Hyde Park onto Notting Hill Gate...
eh... it's not that... spectacular...
i would probably have to attire myself
in window-shopping clothes...
in pedestrian attire...
    perfume myself and work a chisel of
wax on my hair... probably carry a book
to keep me company during transit...
but on a bicycle:
it's not at all... spectacular...
buildings with no entry labels...
buildings like labyrinth walls...
                 that's about it...
oh... and the people...
                         i like to throng-spot from
time to time...

bicycle: no M.O.T.: no insurance...
no road tax...
the thrill of using a bullet of momentum while riding
behind an object that might **** you...
that's fun...

prostitutes? oddly enough: Isabella...
a third year exchange student from Grenoble...
the story behind my lost virginity...
but the current hook-up culture...
however freely them come and go...
you might be paying for dinner...
covert payments... you'll be arguing for something
else...
talk and more talk...
odd... well... not really:
i was never really truly on a date...
well... this one time a girl picked me up
from a nightclub...
we went to the park...
i drank a bottle of wine...
we talked about grey-matter of our
everyday...
we went into a pub...
i drank a pint of holy grail Guinness...
she escaped with a follow-up of some
previous engagement...
god... i was glad...

the transparency with prostitutes is:
paramount...
i don't like the current culture of ***...
only-fans... and once in a while you find this...
angry... mean... toxic female...
posting *******'s worth of arousal
stating outright: pay up simps...
she isn't even roleplaying a ******* suite either...
she's just plain Jane with a strap-on
of her forehead...

whatever this famous ****** revolution
was to bring to the table from the 1960s...
should it bother me that some percentage of men
are having all the...
   "fun"... personally i wouldn't want
the baggage, the lies...
the covert methods of "bagging" one...
payment upfront for the body to speak:
for the hands to wander...
sure: i once paid for *******:
i paid for a *****-magazine and the seller
saw my face...
the good old days where you had to ****
up on any worth of... ha ha... "pride"...

since i last encountered Khada(ia)
she was bothered by an excess of hairs on my shaft:
i too noticed it... i'm not exactly going
to shave my *****... i'll trim my *****...
sure... i've taken up a liking for...
***** hairs... an oasis of familiarity...
in the form of Ava Dalush...
hell: a completely shaven crop down below:
is a bit like looking at a skinhead...
just enough wheat-shafts to: furrow...
a bit like *******: it should be there...
i can pull it back during penetrative ***...
but... it's also there so i can *******...
oddly enough...
***** hair is designated on a woman:
since... imagine all the bearded ladies...
should the ****** hairs undermine the surprise
of what's down south...

hell: this *** culture *****...
i went among the prostitutes because:
i, simply... don't... want... to... play...
this... bogus... game! of herr Lancelot!
all men are liars are women are ******
and all dogs are ******* peddle-stools!
cats are insomniacs: if you gather my humour...
this current *** culture *****:
triple ***... triple the trembling donkey's
*******: life is not supposed to be fun:
at best: there's some pleasure in thinking...
once all the moral conundrum of ought-i:
ought-i-not have been laid to rest...

how glad to come across:
paid up-front... clearly a debit experience...
harsh to make a summary of:
someone else calling it a "livestock" affair...
i tend to think of leather...
i tend to forget my tongue...
the hands that belong to hands...
the lips that belong to lips...
the thighs that belong to thighs...
the eyes that belong to eyes...
i tend to explore the fingers and the jaw...
all that's mandible...
not wholly exhausted upon the requirements
of taking a ****...

not enough chances to love women:
then again: plenty...
but i will not grow old and boring
and stiff and stuffy and watch television with her...
waiting for the ******* inevitable!
Lothar! aye... call on Conrad! & Otto while
you're at it... we're planning an escape!
i've seen what old age does to men...
women might enjoy it...
hell: they live beyond the age of men...
i'm not going to bother...
i will not hear wisdom from the old croakers
either... smothered by dementia and what not...
when my time is on the table:
i'll do what i'm reserved to do...
old age suffocates...
not that people shouldn't aspire to having
reach it:
but it's hardly possible for most to still be
an inquisitive Socrates come his age...
childish comforts...
marry me unto death and let us part
in good spirits...

this current culture of *** *****...
i don't want to be part of it:
i'll debit my affairs / pay upfront...
for what i'm willing to pay for:
kosher ***... nothing boredom related:
no need for gimp latex suits...
threesomes... ******...
stilettos / strap-on ******...
just give me the kosher salt
and i'll rummage into otherwise hidden
subject matters for the better half of a decade...

how could i think of prostitutes as lesser creatures?
what am... that ******* Jack the Ripper
moralist?
i'm not Jack the Ripper the moralist...
i pay for the eyes to see
i pay for the hands to touch...
i'm not paying for *******:
i'm paying for a 1st person "seance":
yes... we'll be making contact with the dead
who are living... those untouched ******* harangues...
misnomer:  harangues...
i over-stepped the marker...

dilute the blood among the ol' raven hair women
of Turkic persuasion...
god help her: and her fairground of joys...
i don't want to be part of it...
i don't want to be there to pick up the crumbs,
either...
***** didn't give: now there's nothing to lap up...
beside... oh wait...
i don't own a car: i own a bicycle...
i don't want to be tempted into making as much
money as might be required to:
sustain her spending habits... and... whims...
that must make me... an almost: free man...

i guess i'll have to concentrate on...
limiting as much suffering as possible...
i'll have no chance concerning toothaches:
they'll always come and go...
but i suspect that... any...
attack on the soft organs is... rather: painless...
you never hear the truth of people with
terminal illnesses...
concerning the soft organs...
that have a limited nerve presence...
oh... but anything afflicting the bones:
i'll believe that to be ****** painful...

- ah... the interlude: a **** break and some
ice in the glass...
the joy of getting drunk slow: "drunk":
gearing up to a proper momentum of scribbles...
getting drunk slow: wine... beer...
it usually takes me 2 bottles of the former
to have some sort of: IN-SPI-RA-TION...
(impossible to rewrite our syllables
into katana... however much i like:
i draw blanks... still looks pretty...
i will have nothing to do with Ezra Pound's
fetish for Chinese ideograms...
they end up being primitive sounds
of vowel, consonant, vowel-consonant...
consonant-consonant-vowel structures anyway)...
of course there is... a slow way of getting drunk...
wine beer... and a fast way of getting drunk:
ms. amber... although i've become rather
immune to her flirting...
stone cold sober with her during the night:
stinking of dog **** the next morning...

refresh my mind...
Khada(ia) made a complaint last time she was
performing ******* on me...
hairs where there should be hairs:
on the shaft... i'm not going to shave my *******:
but i also don't expect her to **** them...
well... no other cure...
i'll need to get a *******...
i got a ******* and started to pluck out
the excess hair...
i was waiting for mr. limp to come along...
he came... and went...
and i was back to plucking out the excess hairs...

in the current climate?
the current culture... it's hardly reading marquis de sade
on the tube... although the one time i did
i had 4 teenage girls giggling
because the cover had a oil on canvas depiction
of a ****...
they giggled... while the words contained...
well... what is it that marquis de sade didn't write about?
to hell with marriage and with thirsting for
what the French cosmopolitans are accustomed
to with affairs...

this one chimpanzee laboured to prove
the existence of dragons...
dragons prior to the unearthing of dinosaur bones...
massive fire breathing lizards:
the great meteor cull...
this one chimpanzee with aspirations to find
something noble: like widowhood...
to escape the monkey harem / ****...
to find the widowhood and nobility among swans...
now... that's a thought...

upsetting confiscations of libido while
a certain number of would-be van Goghs do
one more.. d.n.a. genocide simulation into
a tissue... why wouldn't we somehow
abandon pop; and take a steer
at... say... something akin to:

         chevalier, mult estes guariz...
for tbe river of blood that is not supposed
to run through Yerushalem...
diviner of the old gods: Balaam!
  one word stands out though:
*****... in western Slavic...
"oddly" enough i can write it in katakana:

SU-KA...              スカ...
oh... look... no hyphen for the worth
of a compounded wording...
i can't find escape in Chinese hieroglyphs...
Japanese syllables can only stretch to far..
Korean? perhaps... i'll hardly inquire into
the Semitic scripts of either
Hebrews or Ar-Rabs...

this current *** culture is... bothersome:
i like to pay for reality: otherwise i go into
the forest and bend a deaf ear:
how eagerly i still watch how women
are pleasured...
it bothers me in the slightest:
during ***: 1st person...
you're never allowed the whole
3rd person pornographic availability of
experience... so you're missing the ***
resembling a Lamborghini... no?

but better with a ***** than these...
angry: newly invested in freedom
sort of broodings over...
these "livestock": oh sure...
the sort of freedom these "free" girls will allow...
no... i'm not buying into a farce...

because simply can't tell a journalist to
*******: secular priest: hand on... linger...
while the advertisers say all the things i want
to hear: since i don't have the money to spend:
i.e. a woman...
sad little affair this society has become....

SUKA! スカ!
dearest: Kinga...i seem to have picked up a case
of an... itchy nose...
i rub it again: and again:
between AGNI PARTHENE...
and what the Templars have on "choice"...

Salve Regina:
   consecrated upon the altar of womanhood...
this stiffening via the niqab:
versus al the freedoms that the setting sun
might also: allow...
bellowing rams...
                oh how i might love....
always the potential of me having "access"
to the disclosure...

         it's impossible to love a woman like
a saint... somehow possible to love one as...
but to love one as an ANGEL...
her own words...
                i couldn't get a *******:
she was living with 4 homosexuals..
we drink so that we might forget...
we forget in order that we might
attest to the puddle pretending it to be the sea..

waves.. waves... countless hybrids
of ice comes with cherry pulp....
i don't like the current *** culture...
i debit my encounters...
i pay upfront...
a day of the darkening of skies...

hier: ich bin!                    jetzt!
              jetzt! oder! nimmer!

   **** it... english party girls have it
covered... for the time being.
Erica Squire Sep 2020
Failure,
The single word that defines me,
And it eats away at me,
Because that seven letter word is worse than sin,
From the perspective of the world.
Freedom,
Another seven letters that have been stated before,
Land of the free and the fight for freedom,
But what does that even mean anymore,
My life has never been more than a striving for perfection,
Chasing after something that can never be obtained,
My temptation, my tantalization,
The delightful piece of fruit that is out of reach for all but a few,
Says the words of a society where to be a success is to stand above the rest,
But how I covet the ability to taste the sweet juice of my victory,
But instead, everything has victory over me.
How can a concept defeat a person?
It acts like a virus,
Eating at my brain until it is mush,
Useless except in afflicting misery on my imagination.
Left trapped in my worst memories,
Reliving things that can never be changed.
Graff1980 Feb 2017
Your ten thousand prayers
Don’t add up to
to doing what
you prayed for
god to do.

Ask the starving man
if he would like
us to sit by
and pray all night
for someone to give him
a piece of food,
or if he would prefer
direct action like
someone passing
him a dollar or a donut.

Ask the man who waits for
rope while he dangles
off the side of the cliff
if he would prefer
ten prayers to be heard
or one of the people
praying to bring him a rope.

Ask yourself if you had to choose
between group praying for a cure
or a doctor who has six plus years
to help you with whatever disease
that is afflicting you.
What would you do?
What would you prefer?

A man can die
waiting for help
while fools decide
out of pride
that their prayers
are better then
taking direct action.
Ricki Nov 2020
I am the pendulum that swings
left.                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                          right.   left.                                                
           ­                         right.
left.              
         right.
I find myself in equilibrium, now, nothing is afflicting me.
the slightest nudge-- a gentle push
and
now I'm swinging violently.
left.                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                          right.   left.                                                
           ­                         right.
left.              
         right.
  Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why can't I think?
I'm left.                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                     I'm right.  
I'm left.                                                
           ­                            I'm right.
I'm left.              
            I'm right.
I can't breathe.
I've lost my sight--
blinded by the salted tears I breathe, and choking on my tongue,
I can't think.
I can't speak.
Why are you screaming at me?
I am the pendulum that swings
left.                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                          right.   left.                                                
           ­                         right.
left.              
         right.
Breathe. Stop Crying. It's fine. I'm fine.
I'm alright,
I'll just brace myself for another ******* night of swinging
left.                                                   ­                                         
                                                                ­                                          right.   left.                                                
           ­                         right.
left.              
         right.
I haven't wrote a poem in like a year oops
Henry Yarbrough May 2013
This world is stained
In the sorrow of children
The lion devours the lamb
Even the righteous are choking in sin
And nobody gives a god damm
Betrayal's a keystone when something's to gain
Like despair bleeding tears on demand
Afflicting chaos and ruin like a summer rain
Just look what is done by our hand
I will tell what son's of Mann have achieved
Waging war on the backs of the meek
In their silent vigil the poor cry bereaved
While we tear out their other cheek
These are the details played out everyday
In a world going stark raving mad
For us to have a tomorrow,we must give this today
Yet we won't and its just freakin sad.         Hy

— The End —